The Creative Challenge of Midlife Kathleen Brehony, Ph.D.

1. What is Midlife? 2. Why Midlife can be dangerous and difficult? 3. How to use Midlife for Self- Growth.

There are lots of us in Midlife… 81 Million Americans between the ages of ,000 Americans turn 50 every day (one every 10 seconds)

Midlife is a specific developmental period of life.

Life as a Teleological Process

How we get off track… We are born whole but quickly become shaped by family, religion, culture, gender role, etc. etc. etc.

Midlife Gives Us Wake-Up Calls  Physical  Psychological  Emotional  Relational  Professional  Spiritual

Sometimes Midlife is a Crisis… “Danger” and “Opportunity”

Sometimes you just hear Peggy Lee singing… Is that all there is, my friend? Is that all there is?

Midlife Demands: A Change in Consciousness Consciousness is Awareness and Self-knowledge

Major Illusion: Things Don’t Change Most of us grow when life pushes us to do so You know what I’m going to do this weekend, honey? I’m going to grow. What the hell is he talking about??!!

Knowing an Underlying Secret

The Answer

An Underlying Secret of Mathematics “The Rules of 9” Rule #1: When any number is multiplied by nine, if the individual digits in the resulting product are added together, they will ALWAYS total nine as long as you keep summing the digits produced at each step until you get a one-digit number. That Number will ALWAYS be 9.

The Underlying Secrets of Midlife  Realization: Life is half-over  We recognize our mortality in a new way.  Life as we have known it is now over.  A major change in consciousness.  Losses and change initiate a path to a new sense of meaning and greater passion.

Ego The Self The ego has believed that everything revolves around it. Wrong!

At Midlife, the Self is asking – “When will you get around to me?”

In the first half of life, we devote our psychological resources to developing the persona.

The Shadow Knows…

How to know your Shadow… Make a list of every adjective that describes you, then write down its opposite. This is what is demanding to be acknowledged. Important hint: Find the Middle Way

Repressed Shadow Material Can Explode Out Like a Dam Bursting

In our culture we tend to discount the inner life but that doesn’t make it any less real. Unconscious versus Conscious Midlife Passages

We don’t like to think about or talk about the losses associated with Midlife

“We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. Where we thought to travel outward, we will come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with all the world.” -- Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth Poised for the Hero’s Journey

The Call The Separation The Adventure The Return (Hero is ALWAYS changed) Stages of the Hero’s Journey

The Agony of the Chrysalis

The Alchemical Metaphor “We are born to be awake, not to be asleep!” -- Paracelsus, 16 th Century Swiss Alchemist

 Nigredo: “The Blackening”  Albedo: “The Whitening”  Rubedo: “The Reddening” Stages in Alchemical Transformation

The Vitality of Transformation  Like the Buddha WAKING UP  Realize the values of the first half of life are not sufficient for the second half  Change in philosophy and worldview  Psychological and spiritual maturity  Coming to our senses  Live differently – with greater joy, meaning, and passion

Rowing & Flowing: The Sailboat Metaphor

To be Conscious is to be AWAKE! I’m AWAKE!

Seeing Ourselves Differently Schopenhauer - Embroidery Michelangelo – It was already inside you.

What do we do with this new-found insight? Stay just as we are? Move to Tahiti as Gaugin did? Um, are you sure you don’t want to call your wife and kids?

The Journey is frightening and we have a natural desire to get over it! JUST DO IT!!!!!!!

Holding the Tension of the Opposites

Tools for the Journey

Be Aware that “Compassion Fatigue” Affects BodyMindSpirit Some Symptoms of this “Care-Giving Shutdown ”  Fatigue  Joylessness  Pessimism  Social Withdrawal  Uninterested in intimacy or sex  Concentration Difficulties  Irritability  Depression  Physical Symptoms and Illness  Feeling like you’re “just going through the motions” – lack of passion or meaning  Negative Coping Behaviors – Substance Abuse, “Soft Addictions”

“Illumined Selfishness” – Healthy Self-Care  Nurture BodyMindSpirit  Physical Regimen to Deal with Stress  Quiet Time for Reflection, Prayer, Meditation, Solitude  Creative Activities  Social Support – Talk About It!  Spiritual Support  Optimism  Humor  Approach NOT Avoidance  Cognitive Reframing Caregivers often think we are the “Energizer Bunny” and can keep going and going and going – This is a dangerous belief!

Organism Stimulus Response S-O-R Model of Stress Stress = Demand Exceeds Capacity = Stressors

Four-Stage Stress Management Model Identify (Physical, Cognitive, Behavioral) Analyze Develop Plan Implement Plan

Dreamwork

Containers

Meditation, Prayer, Silence

Creative Expression

Physical Body

Stay in the Present “Stay here, quivering with each moment, like a drop of mercury.” -- Rumi

On Tigers and Goats

Late Bloomers & Don’t Die Guessing

Thank You and Godspeed on Your Journey Kathleen and Co-author Dorothy Kell y