Love and Autism How to Be Single, Date, and Have Relationships When You Have a Child with Autism Spectrum Disorder Christina Adams Author, “A Real Boy: A True Story of Autism, Early Intervention and Recovery”

There Are Many Single Special-Needs Parents More common for parents of kids with disabilities to split up Most disabled kids live with their mothers Many fathers have shared custody Most people remarry eventually

“Who Will Ever Love Me Now?” Should you worry about being rejected because of your child? Eventually most people date again Other people have problems too It’s all about the right match

You and Your Child are Valuable and Have Much to Offer You have a special family Facing autism has made you a better person You deserve respect and love Your unique strengths and weaknesses are attractive to others You are loveable You can still be sexy too!

Dating and Relationships Offer Important New Life Experiences Healing Self-discovery Excitement Taking risks Having fun Rewarding

Start with Healing Self-healing is an important and continual process Recovery from old patterns is essential A former partner with ASD may have created challenges for you Cassandra Syndrome Stress of divorce or break-up Stress and guilt will pass with long-term understanding

First Things First: Practical Considerations Basic financial needs Employment Child and spousal support Custody arrangements Leave time to date Creative babysitting Make a list of your desires and goals

Date Yourself First Update yourself Wardrobe Appearance Health and fitness Living space Have fun Activities Friends Education Spirituality Personal growth

How to Meet People Internet Attracting the right person Screening out the wrong person Activities and groups Public places Supermarkets, parks, etc. Work Education Volunteering

Who Should I Date? Has the basics Employment Stability Family-oriented Truthful/trustworthy Open-minded Patient

Who Not to Date Players Anyone with psychological problems Controlling or overly demanding Substance abusers People with poor impulse control Anyone you wouldn’t trust with your child

Conscious Dating Learn about contemporary dating: there are many ways to date Be aware of who you’re dating and why Maintain your boundaries Keep a journal of your dates and your impressions and thoughts Include any red flags Listen to your intuition… But not your fears Don’t commit prematurely but be open to possibilities

When to Tell Dates About Your Child By second or third date – diagnosis By tenth date Real-life details Let them meet your child as a friend When things get serious: Financial details Parental time required Long-term issues for child (lifetime) …Remember to ask about date’s serious life issues.

The Stages of Dating First few weeks – getting to know each other First three months – make it or break it Three to six months make it or break it (Part 2) social pressures One Year – If you don’t agree on the future, you probably don’t have one

What To Tell Your Child Depends on child’s functioning level Higher functioning children may express feelings verbally and behaviorally Lower functioning children may show behavioral changes or act out nonverbally All children need an explanation; some more than others Asperger children may ask a lot of personal in- depth questions Keep explanations simple and age-appropriate Be honest: they will sense your feelings

What You Need To Know Emotional risks For you Your child Your ex Your potential partner Safe sex: it’s important Physical precautions and realities

Potential Partners Must Understand Your Child Persons with ASD are very sensitive To change To emotions Proceed slowly Benefits to your child(ren) Partners can be positive role models Role model a healthy relationship Create a more positive environment for child Any potential partner must be willing and able to coparent

Issues for Couples to Address Discipline Caretaking Finances Special diets and physical needs Custody problems Special educational needs Best school district, where to live Legal counsel

Cohabitation and Remarriage: Is It Desirable or Even Possible? Address needs of blended family Slow and steady for emotional stability Might take a while but can work eventually All children (NT and ASD) can benefit from sibling interaction Financial considerations Spousal support Shared expenses Two parents are better than one! More people to help and love your child

Life Doesn’t Have To Be All About Autism You deserve a full life Don’t wait for your child to grow up… that could be a long time! Your child deserves a healthy and happy parent Your child is a real child…who happens to have ASD A potential step-child A sibling Have a great time and enjoy your life!

Love and Autism How to Be Single, Date, and Have Relationships When You Have a Child with Autism Spectrum Disorder Christina Adams Author, “A Real Boy: A True Story of Autism, Early Intervention and Recovery”