“Getting Married” Work and the Family

Why Do People Marry?*  The Need for Intimacy  In past societies, intimacy was separate from marriage  In modern times, intimacy is a primary goal of marriage  Social Expectations  All societies have heterosexual marriage as an institution  Marriage is functional (reduces conflict, perpetuates the group) and thus individuals who do not marry threaten the group *unless otherwise noted, this information comes from: Lauer, Robert H. and Jeanette C. Lauer Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy. New York: McGraw-Hill

Why Do People Marry?  Social Ideals and Personal Fulfillment  Through socialization we develop a sense that marriage is the way to fulfill some of your basic needs and attain happiness  Desire for Children  The task of raising children is easier when married  Practical Solution  Getting away from an undesirable home situation  Economic assistance  Loneliness

For MenFor Women

7 Types of Marriage*  Devitalized – dissatisfied in their relationship  Financially Focused – Agree on how to manage money, stay together for this reason  Conflicted – Agree on some things (communication), but not others (parenting of children)  Balanced – Satisfied on most dimensions, but money issues are often a problem *Lavee, Y., and D.H. Olson “Seven Types of Marriage.” Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. 19: 325 – 340.

7 Types of Marriage*  Harmonious – Great satisfaction with each other, but parenting is often a problem  Traditional – mostly satisfied, but can be dissatisfied with communication or sexual relationship  Vitalized – Highly satisfied on all dimensions. *Lavee, Y., and D.H. Olson “Seven Types of Marriage.” Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. 19: 325 – 340.

Adjusting to Marriage  Some marriages begin with disadvantages  Teen marriages – lack of income and maturity  Student marriages – students are stressed and preoccupied with school that the marriage suffers  Couples that are not homogamous – learning the norms, values, and beliefs of a different class, culture causes strain

Adjusting to Marriage  Handling the decline of many activities after marriage:  Approving/complimenting a partner  Making partner laugh  Telling partner “I love you”  Taking initiative in sex  Doing something nice for partner  Having sexual relations  Discussing feelings and problems  Talking over things that happened during the day

Lichter and Qian: “Marriage and Family in a Multi-Racial Society”  This reading discusses recent changes in marriage and family composition  Provides some explanation for these changes  Discusses the uniqueness of the black family

Lichter and Qian: “Marriage and Family in a Multi-Racial Society” Recent changes in marriage and family composition 1. Decline in the traditional family 2. Delays in marriage 3. More single parent families 4. Rise in people living alone 5. People are cohabitating more

Lichter and Qian: “Marriage and Family in a Multi-Racial Society” Why do we have these changes? 1. Changes in the incentives for marriage (mainly for women) 2. Changes in sexual attitudes

Lichter and Qian: “Marriage and Family in a Multi-Racial Society” The Uniqueness of the Black Family 1. 70% of black children are born to parents out of wedlock 2. Most black women who marry end up divorcing 3. One reason is the suggestion that black women have been more economically independent and black men have found it hard to get work 4. Some argue that it must be culture (by comparing to Mexican-American families)

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