Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood **** Don’t forget, this curriculum is based on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.

Self Evaluation Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 - how you think the following people would rate you as a listener: Poor Aver-age Great Your best friend 1 2 3 4 5 Your parents/guardian A team partner A friend at school A family member

Listening How did you do? What makes it easy to listen to another person? How do you feel when someone isn’t listening to you? How do you feel when someone IS listening to you?

Please Listen Share this poem from the 7 Habits book. Think about it. Have you ever felt this way? Do you think friends or family have felt this way? Let’s learn how to be a GREAT listener.

Five Poor Listening Styles Spacing Out – your mind is wandering to another place Pretend – you don’t pay much attention but throw in the occasional “yah” or “uh-huh” Selective – you only hear worlds that click in your own interest Word – you only listen to words, not tone, feeling or body language Self-centered – you see everything from only your point of view

Let’s See a Few In Action Select two poor listening styles from the previous slide. Have four volunteers pair up. Each pair will illustrate one of the selected poor listening style. Have Fun!

Genuine Listening You really have to listen to get inside another person’s mind and heart. It’s standing in another person’s shoes. It’s repeating back what others are saying. Remember – it’s not just the words: 7% is the words 40% is the tone/feeling 53% is body language

Please……Hear What I’m Not Saying No matter how hard people may appear on the surface, most everyone is tender inside and has a desperate need to be understood. This is a great way to visualize this……. Read aloud a page in 7 Habits (on next slide)

The Keys to Being a Good Listener Genuine Listening – listening with your eyes, ears and heart Empathy – understanding and identifying with the feelings and emotions of another Kind – treating other people, animals and things well Mirroring – repeating back in your own words what the other person is saying and feeling

What else do you think is important? Brainstorm a list of other things that make good listeners. Add the four things from the previous slide. You will need them for the next activity. Next to this list – create a list of 6 topics you could discuss with just about anyone.

Now…… It’s your turn. Get in groups of 3 (your advisor can decide how that is done). Each person will have a role: 1 – talker 2 – listener 3 – observer You will rotate every two minutes.

The Steps Does each person have a role? Do you have a topic? Ready…….break (talk for 2 minutes) Stop The observer reports how the two people did in their role. Now we switch. Continue this until each person has been in each of the three roles.

Let’s try this for real. See how long you can keep eye contact with someone while they are talking to you. Sometime this week, ask your parent, “How’s it going?” Open your heart and practice genuine listening. You’ll be surprised by what you learn. The next time you find yourself wanting to bury your feelings deep inside you, don’t do it. Instead, express them in a responsible way.