Healthy Relationships Interpersonal Communication I Block Feb 12, 2013

I Love You….I Hate You Energizer

Unit: Communication and Relationships Interpersonal Communication Relationships Social Media Feb 12 Feb 19 Feb 26 Skills to enhance friendships and relationships Three Sessions

Objectives I have thought about how word choice and tone affects communication I know tips and tools to help me communicate more effectively I am aware that respectful communication is important in all relationships I acknowledge that I have a choice in how I communicate but the way others choose to communicate is outside of my control I know where to reach out for support should I find myself in a situation where using good communication and reasonable requests do not improve the situation

Communication Role Play Hindrances Helpful!!! Are we getting anywhere? 2 student volunteers

Hindrances “You never…” “You always…” “You are so…” “You know what’s wrong” “Well, even if you want to be that way..” “Everyone’s been saying…” “You meant…” “I don’t care what you…” “The reason you said that was…” “You *&^%!” (name calling) Are we getting anywhere?

Helpers “I’m concerned…” “I don’t understand…” “It seems to me…” “We’ve got a problem…” “I need...” “It would be helpful to me if…” “Are you saying…?” “Do you mean…?” “It sounds as though…” “Let me see if I am understanding you. You said…” “I can see how you might feel…” “I can imagine you’re feeling…” Are we getting anywhere?

you gotta listen! All communication techniques are useless without listening

and, you need to speak don’t expect others to know how you feel unless you attempt to tell them

some helpful techniques… go ahead, give them a try! students pair off

Mirroring Echoing the other’s message word-for-word or by paraphrasing using a lead sentence “Let me see if I have this correct. You said…” Helps you listen to what the other person is actually saying (rather than making assumptions and preparing responses) Helps create safety and good will, by giving assurance that you are truly interested in the other’s perspective.

Validating Acknowledging that we have heard the other’s point of view, and we see validity in it. “That makes sense to me…” “I can understand why…” “I can see how you might feel..” “It sounds as though” Note: sometimes difficult when perspectives differ greatly. It can help to frame this as acknowledging how a perspective makes sense given the other’s background and experience Helps create connection Helps set a tone of respect and demonstrates good will

Empathizing Go beyond validating to acknowledge and honor what the other might be feeling Note: It’s helpful to check in for accuracy, telling someone what they feel may have the opposite effect of empathizing! 1.Conveys respect and caring 2.Builds connection 3.Furthers understanding of each other’s perspectives “I can imagine you’re feeling” “If I were in your shoes, I might feel…” “It sounds like this is important because it brings up…”

Digging deeper We usually enter an area of disagreement at a practical level, where we are choosing or waging an opinion among discrete options. At the surface, there may seem to be only solution-only one position. There are often possibilities for compromise or creative solutions when deeper motivations, interests or concerns are explored Explore solutions that meet the needs of both individuals “Why exactly do you want to X?”

Formula for good communication The problem “When you X”… (specify the exact behavior you have a problem with) How the problem effects you “I feel X”… (specify how the current behavior or words make you feel or what consequences these things are having on you) How they can fix the problem “And, I would like X”… (specify what changes you would like them to make but make sure the request is reasonable )

A final note Most people will respond well to good communication and reasonable requests so these techniques can help with most people and the majority of situations. Some people however may not respond no matter how well you communicate. If you use these techniques and the situation does not improve, what else can you do? Remember, communication is a two way street but you only have control over how you choose to communicate.

How valuable did you find the information in today’s class? 1.Very Valuable 2.Somewhat Valuable 3.Not Very Valuable 4.Not at All Valuable On the back of your evaluation card, list two helpful communication tools you currently use to communicate with others and two techniques you would like to begin to use more frequently.