When Conflict Gets Mushy: The Mush Separator By Genna Cortese

Emotional Intelligence (EI) “The subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions” (Salovey and Mayer, 1990).

Why does EI Matter? Leadership Relationships Good leaders can read situations and respond based on the individual or group situation Relationships Working with others requires a certain level of tact that asks that one evaluate the needs of all involved to achieve mutual goals

The Four Branches Perceiving: understanding nonverbal signals such as body language and facial expressions Reasoning: help prioritize what we pay attention and react to Understanding: understand the emotion that someone is expressing and understand why they are expressing it Managing: regulating and responding appropriately

The Mush Separator Mush Observations Feelings Stories Wants Adapted from Hartley McGrath

Verbalize! I noticed______________ (facts) Which made me feel________________ (Feelings: mad, sad, afraid, glad) Which made me think_______ (your story) What I want is_________ (your request)

When to use “It’s complicated” When you are having some big emotions When you want clarity about what happened and how it could have gone better When you are ready to hear the other person’s story, feelings, and wants

When NOT to use When simple and direct feedback would do the job “Next you time you do X, could you remember to fill out the form first?” When you are seeking to blame or suppress another person Not yet willing to acknowledge personal responsibility When you are feeling hostile or belittling When you want to express a demand “You will not touch me without my consent.”

-OR- Time to practice! Find a partner Share a situation you would like to MUSH out -OR- Share some thoughts you have about what types of situations you might encounter as a student leader where you can utilize this tool to improve communication

Being Mindful Ask yourself: Am I trying to prove this person wrong? You did this wrong vs. how can we get a better outcome? Do I feel a lack of respect or acceptance toward them? This is a problem vs. you are a problem Am I questioning our common goals? You don’t care that this is done right or well vs. we both want to put the project first Do I need to separate some MUSH with myself before I communicate with them? It’s all their fault vs. what part do I play in this system?

Email address: corteseg@seattleu.edu Questions? Email address: corteseg@seattleu.edu