Talking About Sexuality Public Health Nurse School Years Program, Health Department March 7, 2013

2 Agenda Introduction and Warm-up The Basics: Sexuality, Teen Brain... What Can Parents Do? “Talk” Strategies The Asset Advantage Resources and Discussion

3 Sexuality Develops over our life span It is what we THINK, FEEL and ARE, not what we do Sex: a very small part of human sexuality At different life stages, developmental tasks need to be met to become a “healthy” adult

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5 Youth Brain Development (Dr. Jean Clinton) The “emotional” brain shows earlier development than the “thinking” brain. The “emotional” brain seeks novelty and stimulation, sometimes met by risky behavior The “emotional” brain is often in charge in teens. The “thinking” brain is under construction.

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7 What does the Research say? The Canadian Youth, Sexual Health and HIV/AIDS Study – 2003 (CYAS- 1989) Grade 7, 9, 11 – National Study Majority report: -relatively rare use of harmful, addictive drugs; a “Happy Home Life”; school is an important source of sexual health info

8 Are they really having sex? 23% M and 19% F have had S.I. in Grade 9 40% M and 46% F have had S.I. in Grade 11 Proportion having sex has decreased Those having sex are sexually active more frequently > 25% used both a condom and birth control pill Canada youth, sexual health and HIV/AIDS study, 2003.

9 Concerns! Confidence related to coping and self esteem have decreased Up to 1/3 report being brunt of sexual jokes or comments Increased use of alcohol and binge drinking Partying and rebellious activities are ways to become popular at school

10 More concerns……. Sexual knowledge has decreased 2/3rds of Grade 7 students and half of Grade 9 students do not know there is no cure for HIV/AIDS Females reporting low self esteem more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior Reverse is true for males

11 Concerns Students with poor attachment to their school more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior Fear of consequences have little impact on decision to become sexually active Decrease in feelings of susceptibility of getting an STI

12 We need to talk to our kids about sex and sexuality! How do we start?

13 Attitudes * Values * Beliefs It’s not just what we say… but how we say it… Everyone has their own set of unique values Values have an impact on how we perceive and deal with issues, especially sensitive issues Important to be aware of values and how they influence interactions with our children?

14 The Four Point Plan Facts: your child deserves a factual answer. Don’t let emotions colour your response. Values: your child needs to know your values around sexuality. Responsibility: what you expect of them and what their responsibilities are. Self Esteem: make them feel good about asking the questions.

15 Example: Four Point Plan " Mom, I want to go on the pill." Response: "Oh! Wow! Ok...I was wondering when this day would come! I'm so happy you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about this. I wasn't sure how serious you were with _____, so I didn't bring it up. (Self Esteem) I know you can go to our Doctor or the Sexual Health Clinic to get started on the pill and they will tell you everything you need to know. (Facts) I would be happy to go with you or talk to you after the appointment to make sure you are comfortable with all the information. It is a medication, so you will have to take it the right way. (Responsibility) I would prefer it if you waited until you were older (or married) to have sex, (Values) but I can appreciate that you feel this is the right time for you. I just hope that you are safe from pressure to have sex, pregnancy and possible infections. You can always talk to me about this kind of stuff. I'm so glad you did." (Self Esteem)

16 Tips for Talking with Your Kids Look for opportunities Pick a good time and comfortable place Share your values and respect theirs Respect each other’s privacy Be sex positive Be honest Get ready to blush and laugh

17 What else can Parents do? Educate Yourself! Listen & Engage them in conversations Language is Powerful! Role Model Healthy Relationships Build their developmental assets

18 Developmental Assets There are 40 developmental assets that are building blocks for healthy development that help young people grow up healthy, caring and responsible

19 Protecting Youth from High-Risk Behaviours (Search Institute, 2006)

20 Developmental Assets and Sexual Health New research shows three assets are strongly linked to decreased early initiation of sexual intercourse: School Connectedness Doing well in school >/= B average Support from three or more non-parent adults Journal of School Health, Jan. 2012, Vol. 82, No.1

21 Sexual Health and Needle Exchange Program Birth Control Counselling Emergency Contraception (ECP) Pregnancy Testing and Counselling Sexually Transmitted Infections/HIV Sexuality/Sexual Orientation and Identity Needle Exchange Program Health Promotion and Education

22 A final thought …. “With the understanding that sexuality is much more than sex, as parents (and caretakers) we can convey with verbal and non-verbal messages, that our sexuality is a wonderful part of our total being, not just what we do with our genitals.” Barbara Coloroso “Kids are Worth It”

23 Discussion

24 Safe Websites (Society of Obstetricians & Gynecologists of Canada) (Ontario Ministry of Health) (Halton sexual health & needle exchange program) (Sex information and education council of Canada) (Planned parenthood Ontario) (Canadian Federation for Sexual Health)