Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) 1 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment Dr. Steve Seelig, CAPT,CHC,USN (Ret)

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) 2 Identify several ways deployment affects family, parenting, and child feelings and behavior. Discuss strategies to use to assist children to cope with separation caused by deployment. Objectives

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) 3 Challenges of Deployment The family as a whole worries about the upcoming deployment and how it will change family life. Service Member – Home front caregiver – Children - focus moved to duty, concern for family, safety worry, added responsibilities, less support −worry more; don’t understand −anger, resentment

4 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) COMMON FEELINGS 1.Denial 2.Anger 3.Confusion 4.Anxiety or worry 5.Isolation 6.Irritability 7.Tearfulness or sadness 8.Bad temper 9.Clingy, wants attention 10.Physical complaints COMMON BEHAVIORS 1.Questions about all adult’s whereabouts 2.Frequent questions about Service Member 3.Distancing self from caregiver to be deployed; defiance with that caregiver 4.Acting out behaviors 5.Demanding attention 6.Testing limits with adults Before & During Deployment: Challenges for Children

5 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) Difficult for all members. Emotions and behaviors from pre-deployment continue. Usually increase as deployment is closer, settle with deployment, and then intensify. Age affects how the person recognizes and responds to separation. During Deployment: Separation Issues

6 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) Approximately Ages 0 – 4 Feeding and/or sleeping difficulties, increased irritability, or low energy Aggressiveness, clinginess, changes in eating or sleeping habits, or crying more often During Deployment: Babies, Toddlers, Preschoolers What can you do? Be emotionally available for them Help toddlers feel loved, safe, and comfortable with their feelings Show sensitivity - warmth, genuine positive effect, playing and having fun

7 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) Approximately Ages 5 – 10 During Deployment: Younger Children Sadness and loneliness - trouble sleeping, illness complaints, crying Confusion and worry - questioning, demanding more attention, clingy Irritability and anger - testing, arguing, acting out at home and school Moody, aggressive, or whiny - may get stomachaches, headaches

8 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) Help the child identify how he or she is feeling; listen and support them Keep the deployed present Keep in touch through technological communication Provide consistency and structure Helping Younger Children What can you do?

9 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) Approximately Ages 11 – 13 During Deployment: Older Children More aware of danger and stress More competition for adult attention Added responsibilities Worry, depression, and stress Crying, changes in eating, keeping to themselves (isolation) Irritability, seeking attention, and challenging adults

10 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) Be aware! Be involved! Encourage talking Provide other ways to express feelings Acknowledge them Keep structure Follow through on rules and discipline Helping Older Children What can you do?

11 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) Approximately Ages 14 – 18 During Deployment: Teens Face more demands More awareness of dangers and adult stress Increased depression, anxiety, and feelings of being alone Isolation - ignore or deny stress Not want to be a burden Resentment - arguing and angry outbursts Danger of risk-taking behavior (drinking, abusing substances)

12 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) Remember - not adults Balance - being a teen and helping family Express appreciation for help Encourage them to talk Help build support system Structure and discipline Even if they act like they don’t want support, provide it Helping Teens What can you do?

13 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) Stay connected Stay involved Limit information you share Work with home caregiver Strategies for Deployed Parents

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) 14 Structure Open, positive, and supportive Family=Team Rules and discipline Keep deployed parent present Self-care General Guidelines

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) 15 Establish support system prior to deployment Team up with school staff Counseling is always beneficial Seek professional help: difficulty with daily living, significant decline in school and home functioning Seek immediate professional help: statements of not wanting to live, isolation, risky-behavior Seeking Assistance YRRP website: (Preparing Children to Cope with Separation during Deployment)

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) 16 Identify several ways deployment affects family, parenting, and child feelings and behavior. Discuss strategies to use to assist children to cope with separation caused by deployment. Objectives

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013) 17 Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment FACILITATOR’S NAME Date