Infatuation A Guide to Healthy Relationships Lesson 2 Building Relationships on a solid foundation

How many of you want rotten relationships? Raise your hand if you want to be in a rotten marriage someday. Most people want to end up in a good-great relationship, but may not know how. What are the key ingredients?

Just like your favorite cookie recipe has a list of ingredients and a set of steps to follow so do healthy relationships. Identify some key ingredients in HEALTHY relationships

Class List of Ingredients 15-20 words

Are Fairytale Characters in love or just infatuated?

Infatuation The first kind of love that most people experience. It is an intense emotional involvement that begins with a sudden, strong attraction of things; sense of humor, self-confidence, physical appearance. Infatuation is very powerful and very real!

Signs of Infatuation Want to spend every minute together Want to share their feelings with each other Emotionally immersed in each other and overwhelmed by their emotions Partners focus on how the relationship can help them meet their needs and not on their partners

Infatuated “Love is Blind” It is self-centered It is unrealistic See what you want to see (undesirable traits are overlooked) It’s a love of “being in love” Rose Colored Glasses

Infatuation does not mean…. Your feelings are not real, they are. Your feelings may not turn into “real love” Your feelings will turn into “real love” You have been or are sexually active, but that is often the case. Remember the 3 tiered pyramid from earlier. Now Compare

Inverted Pyramid

Let’s Compare…. Which foundation is more likely to result in a stable, long lasting relationship?

Information All Teens Should Know Most first-time sexual relationships are romantic but short-lived. 8 out of 10 first-time sexual relationships last six months or less. ¼ are one time occurrences. Surveys of sexually active teens reveal that the majority wish they’d waited. More than 7 out of 10 girls and more than 5 out of 10 boys surveyed say this. The Centers for Disease Control collects data on teens every two years on sexual and other behaviors. The number of teens who have had sexual intercourse has declined 14% in the last decade. 47% percent of 15 to 19-year-old teens report they have had sexual intercourse. These are averages and obviously there are significant differences among different teens.

Information All Teens Should Know We also know from surveys that boys show significant respect—though often unspoken—for girls who resist pressure to have sex and remain virgins. And, girls have respect for guys who are not “players.” Many teens believe it is okay for a couple to have sex if they feel they are in love. The problem here is that the “feelings” of love may not yet be real love. The “love chemicals” could be surging, it could be more about lust and less about love. Further, one could have an unrealistic concept of what real love really is.

Brain Chemistry? Love Chemicals? When you are with the person you are attracted to you are: In an altered state of consciousness Overcome with amphetamine-like neurotransmitters that trigger incredible side effects Essentially, in a “drugged” feeling state of mind Can prevent you from seeing things clearly. Give it time, these chemicals will disappear over time, allowing you to see the relationship more clearly

Is it Infatuation? Infatuation is “in a hurry.” It sometimes makes you drive in head first, long before you know the person. Infatuation is very focused on looks and attractions. Infatuation covers up the fact that your values are out of sync. But, you overlook your nagging doubts because this person is the only one who matters. Infatuation seems to happen all at once- often before you can even know each other well. Infatuation makes you afraid that if the person saw and knew you as you really are, he or she might not like you any longer. Your focus is on looking and acting the way you thing he or she wants you to. Is It Love? Love is learned and grows gradually. You don’t need to rush real love. Love makes you more likely to do what you know is right. Love will not ask you to do things you are morally unsure of or are not ready for. Love means you can be the real you. You don’t have to pretend to look or act the way you think he or she wants you to. Love involves the total person… not only physical attraction and looks. Love admires personality and character traits as well. You enjoy doing things and talking together. Love involves trust. It brings security. You enjoy each other’s friends without suspensions of jealousy.

Is it love? Love is steady and unshakable with healthy emotions, not just up and down shifting and doubting feelings. Love is freedom. Love gives you the security to reach out and explore what life has to offer. Love, because it is patient can wait for proper timing. If your love is true, it can develop at its own pace. Love does not expect you to compromise your values. In fact, love deepens as you discover that you share basic values. Love doesn’t use another person to make you look good to others. You genuinely love him or her and enjoy being together. Is it Infatuation? Infatuation is an emotional rollercoaster with up and down emotions. Infatuation might lead you to do things you don’t really think are right just to keep the relationship. Infatuation can make you feel trapped. Your whole focus is on him or her you sometimes feel you are missing out on other things and other people. Infatuation is jealous, mistrusting, and uncertain. It makes you wonder and worry that you will be dropped when he or she is even just friendly with someone else. Infatuation uses the other person to make you look good.