Writing it Right: A Look at the Most Common RP Errors Mrs. Sforzini 2010

The Jane Schaffer Body Paragraph Topic Sentence (TS) – introduces your topic for that specific body paragraph Concrete Detail (CD)– fact, statistic, or quote Commentary (CM) – link your CD to the TS: how does it prove/support your topic? There should be at least two sentences Repeat CD and CM process (should add at least three more sentences) Concluding Sentence (CS)- “Wrap up” the paragraph and transition into the next idea

A Closer Look at CD’S and CM’s A concrete detail - should never be the first sentence of a body paragraph - may be paraphrased or quoted verbatim - MUST include a parenthetical citation - should have the author and/or the source introduced before the CD begins

CD Example In his article “Why Violent Videogames are Bad for Kids,” child psychologist Dr. Jim Beau states, “There was an increase in aggressive behavior in males and females after at least three hours of Videogame playing” (6). If it is from a site, list the author’s last name and the title of the article. Don’t worry about the page or paragraph number. Need help citing? Check out:

One more CD… Block quotes are quotes that will take four or more lines in your paragraph Special format at Owl Purdue 747/03/ 747/03/

A Closer Look…cont’d Commentary should - follow ONE concrete detail - be at least two sentences in length - explain how the concrete detail supports/proves the topic - preface CM with “This shows…” but avoid overdoing it

CM Example Thesis: Violent video games negatively affect children because they make them more aggressive. In his article “Why Violent Videogames are Bad for Kids,” child psychologist Dr. Jim Beau states, “There was an increase in aggressive behavior in males and females after one hour of violent videogame playing.” The effects of the violent video game affected kids after only one hour of playing. Unfortunately, most kids are playing more than an hour of violent video games per day. The result could potentially be incredibly dangerous because these kids do not have an outlet for their aggression, so they might be more likely to carry that aggression outside of the home.

Another “Intro” to the Introductory Paragraph Formula for an Intro Paragraph Hook/Attention Grabber + Background Info (why’s the topic controversial) + thesis = an IP Formula for a thesis Your Opinion + because+ supporting Details = TH **The supporting details should be specific, not DOC perspectives (E.g. individual concerns) How will _____ affect the individual? **The body paragraphs should discuss the Supporting details in the order set in the thesis

Grammar and Punctuation Don’t use first (us/our/my) or second period (you/your) Contractions are for the labor and delivery room, not your essay can’t  cannot don’t  do not Avoid “Thing” words – be specific Instead of: there are many things that can affect… Write: There are many factors that can affect…