A PRESENTATION BY DIANE ADAMS TAYLOR PROFESSIONAL WOMEN AND DOMESTIC ABUSE: BREAKING THE CYCLE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE AT ANYTIME Any socioeconomic level or ethnic background Any level of education Any gender, any size individual (although women are more commonly the victims) Heterosexual or homosexual Famous person or a relatively unknown individual examples: Rhianna, Robin Givens, Tina Turner, Brett Butler, and very recently Nigella Lawson who appears in a photo being choked by her husband. I am a survivor of domestic abuse and violence. The problem is far more widespread then is known as professional women do not want to come forward with their abuse.

WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE Domestic abuse (AKA spousal abuse) occurs when one person in an intimate relationship (or marriage) tries to dominate and control the other person in the relationship. Goal of abuser is to gain and maintain total control of their partner. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is known as domestic violence. Domestic abuse includes mental, emotional, physical, sexual and financial abuse.

SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP Most telling sign – you fear your partner (you feel like you walk on eggshells around them, watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blowup). Your partner belittles you verbally (alone and with others) Your partner tries to control you. You have feelings of self-loathing, helplessness and/or desperation.

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP Do you: Feel afraid of your partner much of the time? Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? Feel that you can not do anything right for your partner? Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? Wonder if you are the one who is crazy? Feel emotionally numb or helpless? Does your partner: Humiliate or yell at you? Criticize you and put you down? Treat you so badly that you are embarrassed for friends or family to see? Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? Blame you for their own abusive behavior? See you as property or a sex object rather than as a person?

YOUR PARTNER’S VIOLENT, THREATENING OR CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS. DOES YOUR PARTNER: Have a bad and unpredictable temper? Have you been hurt or threatened with harm or death? Threaten to take your children away or harm them? Force you to have sex? Destroy your belongings? Act excessively jealous and possessive? Control where you go or what you do? Keep you from seeing your friends or family? Limit your access to money, the phone or the car? Constantly check up on you?

GENERAL WARNING SIGNS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Victim seems afraid or overly anxious to please their partner. Victim goes along with everything their partner says or does. Victim must check in often with their partner to report where they are, what they are doing and when they will be home. Victim receives frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner. Victim talks about their partner’s temper, jealousy or possessiveness. Victims frequently miss work, school or social occasions without explanation. Victims dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars. Victims may be kept away from seeing family and friends. Victims rarely go out in public without their partner. Victim has limited access to money, credit cards, phone or car. Victim may exhibit a low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident. Victim may show major personality changes (from outgoing to withdrawn). Victim may be depressed, anxious or suicidal.

WHY DO PROFESSIONAL WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS? Women from middle and upper incomes may feel they have too much to lose. The feeling may be ‘what do I give up?’ Nearly any woman, can get sucked in by the insidious nature of abuse. A marriage may start out peacefully but over time the abuser may become more controlling and his anger more explosive. It is very embarrassing. For example: In my case I held a high school administrator position and I was certain that others would think ‘If I could not handle my own marriage, how can I manage to run schools?’

WHY DO PROFESSIONAL WOMEN STAY? CONTINUED The abusive partner may use the couple’s financial arrangements to limit the woman’s ability to make decisions. Having children further complicates the situation. The victim may worry that the husband’s financial means will enable him to get custody and leave the children vulnerable to his abuse. You believe your spouse will change and tomorrow will be better. No one wants to believe they married a monster.

INFORMATION ABOUT THE PRESENTER For more information regarding Diane Adams Taylor please visit Linked in: &trk=nav_responsive_tab_profile_pic &trk=nav_responsive_tab_profile_pic Twitter: DAdamsTaylor Facebook: Circles in Time, The Healer of Wounded Souls or Diane Adams Taylor