Basic Listening Skills S.A. Training by University Counseling Services Truman State University

Focus on Listening Listen to yourself! Listen to yourself! Before you can be an effective listener you have to ensure you are ready to listen. Before you can be an effective listener you have to ensure you are ready to listen. Assess your mental, physical and emotional states. Assess your mental, physical and emotional states. Remember you are there to listen! Remember you are there to listen! Many times people in crisis need to talk through their problems, not get advice on how to solve their problems. Many times people in crisis need to talk through their problems, not get advice on how to solve their problems. If you aren’t sure if the person wants you to “just” listen or give advice ASK them! If you aren’t sure if the person wants you to “just” listen or give advice ASK them!

Focus on Their Concerns Focus on the person’s train of thought. Focus on the person’s train of thought. Avoid thinking about your response or other non- related things until the person is finished speaking. Avoid thinking about your response or other non- related things until the person is finished speaking. Remove distractions. Remove distractions. If there is a distraction (TV, music, someone else in the room) remove the distraction if possible so you can focus. If there is a distraction (TV, music, someone else in the room) remove the distraction if possible so you can focus. If you can’t remove the distraction, schedule a time when you can focus on their concerns. If you can’t remove the distraction, schedule a time when you can focus on their concerns.

Silence & Body Language Silence isn’t bad! Silence isn’t bad! Don’t always rush to fill in gaps in conversation. These gaps can be important for the individual to gather their thoughts or express themselves emotionally. Don’t always rush to fill in gaps in conversation. These gaps can be important for the individual to gather their thoughts or express themselves emotionally. Listen with your eyes! Listen with your eyes! People communicate information through behaviors in addition to what they say. People communicate information through behaviors in addition to what they say. Pay attention to body language to help understand their feelings. Pay attention to body language to help understand their feelings.

Empathy Refrain from being judgmental. Refrain from being judgmental. Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the person, just that you have identified and understand how they are feeling. Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the person, just that you have identified and understand how they are feeling. Uncomfortable conversations. Uncomfortable conversations. If you have difficulty keeping your beliefs from interfering with your ability to listen, let the person know the topic is too sensitive for you. If you have difficulty keeping your beliefs from interfering with your ability to listen, let the person know the topic is too sensitive for you. Find someone else that can listen. Find someone else that can listen.

Convey You Are Listening Maintain eye contact when it seems appropriate. Maintain eye contact when it seems appropriate. Use minimal encouragers such as “Uh huh” and “I see” to communicate you are paying attention. Use minimal encouragers such as “Uh huh” and “I see” to communicate you are paying attention. Paraphrase what the person has said to you and ask questions to fill in gaps. Paraphrase what the person has said to you and ask questions to fill in gaps. This will not only help you understand, but help the person think through their concerns and express their emotions more effectively. This will not only help you understand, but help the person think through their concerns and express their emotions more effectively. Acknowledge that you understand their thoughts as well as their feelings. Acknowledge that you understand their thoughts as well as their feelings.

Problems with Communication Identify problems you have understanding the person. Identify problems you have understanding the person. If something is preventing you from understanding their concerns, don’t be afraid to bring it out in the open. If something is preventing you from understanding their concerns, don’t be afraid to bring it out in the open. Use phrases such as “Help me understand” or “Tell me more” Use phrases such as “Help me understand” or “Tell me more” If in a confrontational conversation, acknowledge the difficulty to get past the impasse. If in a confrontational conversation, acknowledge the difficulty to get past the impasse.

Personal Boundaries Setting Personal Boundaries as an SA. Setting Personal Boundaries as an SA. Be aware of your own need for boundaries. Be aware of your own need for boundaries. Pay attention to situations when you lose energy, feel a knot in your stomach, want to cry or become angry. Pay attention to situations when you lose energy, feel a knot in your stomach, want to cry or become angry. These signals are ways your mind and body tell you your personal boundaries have been crossed. These signals are ways your mind and body tell you your personal boundaries have been crossed.

Boundary Bill of Rights You have the Right : 1. to be treated with respect 2. to say NO without feeling guilty 3. to make a mistake 4. to ask for what you want and need 5. to express your feelings and opinions 6. to change your mind 7. to feel good about yourself no matter what others say 8. to act in your own best interest as long as you do not violate others in the process