The 5 Tough Conversations New Managers Will Have Presented by Jennifer Parsick, MLIS Assistant Branch Manager of the West Osceola Branch of the Osceola Library System in Celebration, FL 1

Tough Conversations New managers will encounter five tough conversations that they may need guidance on to tactfully or swiftly resolve the conversation. These are some of my personal experiences with these tough conversations. 2

#5: Coordinating with other professionals in your building “What do you mean, you need me to do something?” Usually other professionals will handle this gracefully, but other times they feel put-upon – That might be technically true, so it’s your job to convince them to help – Show them the benefit rather than just pulling rank 3

#5 Script: “Hey Minnie, we’re a little short today, so I’m going to need your help.” – Makes them feel important – actual person, not just another body “In order to let everyone go to lunch, we’ll need to take extra shifts at the desk.” – Simple task, use collaborative pronouns 4

#5 “I can take the first hour if you can take the second – does that work for you?” – Giving options, collaboration This should usually be as far as you have to go 5

#5 I know someone in the audience is thinking it: “But Jennifer, what if the person says no? Or has an attitude?” – Keep talking with them “I need your help here. Is there another solution you can see? Some other arrangement? Can I help you later since you’re helping now?” – If that fails, try bigger picture “Minnie, our first priority is to keep the building open. Without your help, that will be difficult. I’m sure Director would agree with me” 6

#5 It’s never gone beyond that point for me. Keep emphasizing the helping and collaborative pronouns. – If they still had an attitude or refused, I would go to their supervisor. 7

#5 Real World Experience My toughest was the scenario outlined above – Librarian and I didn’t get along, she thought she was “above” working the desk – Came to a head when she said “Does know you’re putting me on the desk this much?” I didn’t even hesitate with a “yes – would you like to call her to discuss this?” – She didn’t like my “attitude”, but she complied with my request 8

#4: Dealing with challenging patrons “I deserve special treatment! You’re wrong! Your library is lame!” – Truly serious cases, where I feared for my physical safety or I was so angry I was about to go off on the patron First step – listen to the story, figure out what they’re really angry about Next, repeat what you understood them to say, both to make sure you understood and to show you’re listening 9

#4 If they try to add in every tiny little thing they’ve ever disliked, you’ve got to keep them focused. – “Gosh, I’m sorry you’ve been so unhappy with us. Let’s focus on the things I can help you with today, and then we can talk about how to possibly change other policies.” Offer solutions or alternatives: – “While I can’t do anything about, I can for you today. Would that work for you?” 10

#4 Usually that’s all it takes – you found a workaround so they feel special and are getting what they want. “So Jennifer, what happens if it doesn’t make them happy?” – It is not your job to be a punching bag, so if you can’t help them or are fearing for your safety, you have to shut them down. 11

#4 “You know, it looks like I can’t help you and that we’re not getting anywhere with a solution. Let me give you my supervisor’s name and contact info, maybe she can help you. Is there any other library business I can help you with today?” 12

#4 This tactic usually makes patrons madder, so be ready. (Their punching bag is getting away and they’re not done with you yet). Just keep repeating “I don’t seem to be able to help you. Is there anything else I can help you with today?” 13

#4 Real World Experience My record was having to say it 5 times – After the third time, she started calling me names. “You are speaking to me in an abusive way, and that needs to stop. Is there any other library business I can help you with today?” – She stood there, speechless and trying to stare me down for about 45 seconds. I repeated once more before she shook her head and walked away I was unable to resist saying “Have a good day!” as she left (in the most pleasant tone I have). 14

#3: Redirecting an employee’s intensity “This is the rule, I’m going to follow it no matter what!” Challenge: customer service is number one priority. Employees who stick rigidly to the rules are putting the rules before patrons Now your job is to soothe the patron and try to accommodate them – and you want to avoid too many of these, so start at the source. 15

#3 To make sure it doesn’t happen again, talk to the employee – Emphasize using one’s best judgment and thinking skills, reminding them if their thought process is logical, you will most likely be able to back them up. – Staff explanation: “I know we’re not supposed to let outside groups use our HDMI cord, but the Girl Scouts forgot theirs, so I took the Scout Leader’s driver’s license and loaned them the cord. Was that ok?” – Review thought process or outcome if necessary. 16

#3 “But Jennifer, my employees like the rules. They like knowing where the line is – how do I adjust that?” – Ongoing process. – Remind them as many times as it takes that things are different now – patrons expect to get what they want. – They can either bend the rule in a way that lets the patron know this is unusual (“I can waive that fee for you this once but it will show up on your account so I won’t be able to do this again”) or get the manager to help – “No, I can’t do anything” is NEVER an option! 17

#3 When more in-depth conversation is needed: – “Donald, I am starting to be concerned about your attitude towards the public. Multiple patrons have complained about your unwillingness to help them.” Since you’ve already had a conversation, you want to start using stronger words – “I know that you like to help people…” Should be true, reminds them you know them – “…but I think something might be getting lost in how you’re explaining the rules to them. For example, …” Fairly easy fix, not personal 18

#3 – “… If there hadn’t been a policy, what would you have done there?” Shows that you value their wisdom/thinking skills, maybe they wanted to help but felt that they couldn’t – “So next time, do that! You know we’re all about customer service, and I would absolutely back you up on that decision.” Sometimes that’s enough – they want to know where the line is If they don’t have an answer, it’s time for tough love – “This will happen again, and it can’t have the same outcome, so let’s make the decision now.” 19

#3 Real World Experience Employee had three patrons complaints in a week, all relating to unwillingness to help with technology. Legacy employee – I value her wisdom and experience, but need her to see that she also needs to do the “new stuff” too. I presented the first complaint, she denied it. I presented the other two stories, she seemed confused. Since this employee is known to be a bit gruff at times, I reiterated that “No, I can’t do anything” is never an option – she needs to do something for the patron. Still on-going. I try to be unobtrusive at the desk and see how her tone and manner is when she doesn’t know I’m watching, to see if I can offer specific guidance. 20

#2: Correcting employee skills “I already know this, bored now.” When mistakes occur, we have to figure out what happened. My internal question is “What do I want the outcome of this meeting to be?” – Answer is always “For the employee to learn the correct skill without affecting their work ethic too much.” 21

#2 Best way to start is using the phrase from FLA 2014: “You may already know this…” – Alerts them there’s something important coming, gives a possible out “Hey Goofy, you may already know this, but it seems that when you count the money, you spread the cash all over the table. What’s that about?” 22

#2 – Just as with the angry customer, listen. You may have been perceiving the situation incorrectly “I can see where it might be easier for you to do it that way, but. It’s really important to count the money consistently, the way Finance has asked us to.” – Pointing out negative effects – Shows a legitimate reason for being “picky” 23

#2 Offer additional training – Even if they say they don’t need it, you’ve covered your bases if discipline is needed later on – Document that you had the conversation, and the dates that training happened After training, keep an eye out – was the change made? Are they trying harder or continuing to do the task incorrectly? 24

#2 Some managers will train over and over. Others like to “get” the employee at evaluation time. I think a balanced middle is most helpful – they might think they have fixed the thing, so it’s good to follow up with them. But if they show an unwillingness to train, remind them that it “might” show up on their evaluation. 25

#2 As long as they’re asking for help, we should give it. If they’re not learning well with you, find a peer to teach. Sometimes they’re not capable of doing it – but that’s a pretty slim chance. 26

#2 “But Jennifer, I’ve retrained twice, I’ve said something twice to the employee. How can I get them to perform like I want?” – Short answer – you might not – See if there’s something else they can do, or a different way you can explain the benefits of doing it the way you’re asking (More casual? Speaking in the office? More emphasis on consequences?) – Check with a superior 27

#2 Real World Experience Employee took too long to count the money. Even with training and retraining, he couldn’t be as quick and accurate as everyone else. I chose to switch him with another employee, telling him it was because we needed his skills when we were open, so it didn’t destroy his work ethic. My superior also suggested tough love: “No, of course you can do this, I have absolute faith in you. Now try again without me and I’ll check on you when you’re done.” 28

#2 Real World Experience Did I take the easy way out? Possibly. – Part of me wanted to make him get it right. But the wiser part of me knew all the retrains were destroying his ego/work ethic, and when asking what I wanted the outcome to be, I knew it was “get the money counted” not “make X count the money” 29

#1: Adjust an employee’s emotional or personality trait “Did you hear about Lilo and Stitch? Well, I heard…” This is the toughest because you’re addressing a personal thing. It absolutely will not be changed unless the employee wants it to Your goal is to help them see the benefit to changing 30

#1 “Daisy, I’m a little concerned about some of the things I’ve been hearing about how you’re working with your co-workers.” – Gives a heads-up, you’re not just taking co- workers’ word “It sounds like…” – Not judging, waiting to hear their story 31

#1 “…you really enjoy sharing people’s stories.” – Common thing, no judgmental overtones. – Wait and listen to what they have to say – Usually not a defensible thing – if someone else is upset enough to come talk to you, there’s not a reason this person should be doing this 32

#1 “I know it can be really helpful to bond with each other, but it’s unprofessional to tell everyone about Goofy’s private life.” – Keeping the focus on a professional-level of behavior keeps them more open to hearing your message (not as personal) “Think how you would feel if someone shared your personal life to everyone.” – Encouraging empathy 33

#1 “But Goofy already told everyone, it’s not like it’s a secret.” “It was his story to tell. When you keep telling and rehashing it with everyone, I’m sure it makes him uncomfortable.” – Not assuming anything, but probably true. 34

#1 Prepare for the real defensive statements: – “Well, why aren’t you talking to Mickey then, he’s talking just as much as me!” – “People are lying, I never said that.” – “Why are you singling me out? You haven’t said anything to anyone else!” – “How was I supposed to know Goofy was uncomfortable? He’s telling everyone!” 35

#1 Keep the focus: “We’re not talking about anyone else right now, we’re talking about you.” These encounters aren’t going to end well no matter how you approach it. Hope for the employee to recognize their behavior and make changes. 36

#1 “But Jennifer, what if it’s more than one person? What if I have a problem with everyone gossiping and being negative, what then?” Let everyone know you don’t want to hear any gossip or negativity. If you personally hear something, discipline immediately. Be careful about employees “ganging up” on each other. Enlist your librarians to keep their ears open. Keep notes, and once you have enough evidence, you can proceed with a disciplinary action to show how serious you are. 37

#1 Be the change you want to see. Try to find time to chat with employees during the course of daily work, and if they start to complain, stop it: “Nope, no negativity here! We can totally do, it’s not too hard.” Check with supervisors. They might have suggestions or additional information to help you keep team positivity up. 38

#1 Real World Experience Turn weakness into a strength – someone won’t stop gossiping? Ask them to check in with you so you can give them “all the details”. Since my person won’t stop sharing and gossiping (and she’s not malicious), she now shares the correct info with everyone. 39

#1 Real World Experience Make sure to reward positivity, especially in front of the negative people. “Hey, great job helping that patron, Mickey! They made sure to let me know how much they appreciated it!” In my experience, Negatives will start to complain more in your presence, and you can shut them down: “You know, Daisy, I bet if you went above and beyond for a patron, they would compliment you too.” 40

Final Thoughts Every interaction, ask yourself “What do I want the outcome of this to be?” Realize that less-than-ideal personality traits go both ways – I apparently have “angry” thinking face, and employees were hesitant to bring me problems because they feared my face 41

Final Thoughts Balance skill sets with employee’s emotional well-being. – Is it worth upsetting someone about their schedule so we can have more coverage? Probably, but not if they’re going to drag down morale to “get even”. Document everything. Patron interactions, staff behaviors, anything that you might need as proof that you are doing your best job. “It only happened if you have documentation.” 42

Questions/Problems 43