What do we do now? Helping Dads Succeed Dr. Richard Amaral Psychologistwww.PsychologyForGrowth.com 1

Objectives 1. Increase knowledge about father-related issues 2. Learn strategies and new ideas for working with dads 2

Background Information  There is great diversity in the makeup of today’s father:  Dads who stay at home while mom works  Dads who never see their kids  Single-parent homes  Blended family – dad shares parenting with his current girlfriend and former partner (child’s mother)  Dads who live with their parents, and who’s parents are very involved in parenting grandchildren  Marginalized dads who have barriers to parenting 3

More background info…  At an early age, young girls are already thinking of “being a mommy.” Young boys are not thinking that until much later in life.  Fathers come to parenting with less psychological, social and emotional preparation than mothers.  Conclusion:  “Fathering can be conceptualized as more contextually sensitive than mothering” Doherty, Kouneski, and Erickson (1998) 4

Research on Parental Self-Efficacy  Phillip Sevigny – His doctoral research looked at Parental Self-Efficacy (their overall competence at parenting)  Results: Women’s general competencies in life were related to their feelings in their ability as mothers. Fathers’ general competence was not related to being a parent.  What does this mean?  There is a steeeeeeep learning curve for fathers, even though all parents learn on the job.  Being a ‘dad’ is not the first thing men think about 5

Qualitative studies:  Dads’ bonding with children (even toddlers):  Takes longer than expected (even for the dads)  Adjustment to fatherhood was “disruptive, disappointing, and frustrating. Men realized they lacked the skills, experience, support, time and recognition they needed for fathering.” (Janice Goodman of MGIHP)  Therefore, dads often “decide” how involved they will be in their child’s life. Could you imagine if moms had to “decide” to be involved in child’s life? 6

What this means…  This means as workers, we need to support men in their new roles.  Help them schedule time, give them information to develop the skills, give the recognition  Fathers who felt supported (e.g., by their own parents, by their partners, by friends, by employers) felt more competent as dads. 7

Important Factors:  Employment: Dads with jobs feel more competent, and encouraged to spend time with their children  Father’s quality of interactions with their children is related to their success, perceived or real, as breadwinners.  Role-Models: Inconsistent findings.  Some dads vow to do the opposite of their own dads  Others repeat the pattern 8

Cultural Notes  In one study of Sudanese and Ethiopian fathers, they felt pressure to be more involved, but lacked the communal and family support they would have received back home.  Indigenous dads: many weren’t parented either by mom or dad (because of residential schools).  However, many credit group therapy for anger management, or substance abuse treatment as helping them communicate better with their own children  Consider the cultural implications of your clients 9

Other factors…  Dads with personality traits such as openness, sociability, warmth, extroversion, take more responsibility for the care of their children.  Programs that teach parenting, child development, or valuing the fathering role, is only helpful to dads who already have supportive social and economic environments. 10

So, what do we do now? 1. Help your male client look for work 1. Help them with resume 2. Help them rehearse job interviews 2. Address the contextual factors as well as parenting skills (e.g., probation, housing, substance use issues) 3. Connect your client with relevant support groups  Ask your clients what they’re learning (from group or from courses) and how it can help them as parents 4. Be sensitive to their needs and uncertainties 5. As workers, building a strong relationship that reinforces warmth, openness, patience, acceptance, will indirectly make them vmore interactive with their own children. 11

Dads are Shaped by Moms  Basic principle:  Moms are the “gatekeeper”  Andrea Doucet: “Mother-led Dance”  When mom is supportive of dad, he will be more engaged  This is the single most influential factor that predicts father involvement in the child’s care.  Mom influences how dad sees his own role.  Mom’s views on dad’s parenting are more influential than dads own views on parenting  Keep in mind: Mom’s criticism about dad is not about ‘territorialism’; It’s about her managing feelings of responsibility that the child’s needs are met. 12

So, what do we do now? 1. Female caseworkers: your confidence and praise in his parenting ability can do wonders for his confidence, and ultimate engagement. 2. Encourage men that it’s not just about engaging with their child; they are also improving their own development as men. 3. Female caseworkers can work with mom and encourage her to encourage the dad. Tell them its an attempt to give them a break. 4. Enhance the relationship between mom and dad: Teach mom the importance of avoiding conflict with dad. Teach her anger management tips. Remind moms it will help their child. 5. Moms can motivate dads to attend programs. 6. Encourage parents to avoid conflict.  If dad has a good relationship with mom, he will have a good relationship with child 13

Dad and Attachment  Attachment patterns between mom and child is different than between dad and child.  Mom will try to soothe crying child; dad will try to ‘fix’  For dad, attachment is built through play, and this happens in peaks and bursts rather than consistently  Road to attachment is longer for dads; it takes time for them to develop confidence.  Dads feel their children help to shape them as parents. 14

So, what do we do now? 1. Encourage dads to hold their children. But, be mindful of dad’s own issues with touch.  Some men, particularly those with substance use issues, may have a history of being sexually victimized. Praise and reinforce dads when they hold their children. 2. Keep encouraging play, though many fathers do this very well. 3. Teach dads about child-cues (e.g., feeding, comforting, changing, etc.) 15

So, what do we do now? 4. Recognize that dads want to be more involved in their child’s life than they let on. We need to acknowledge this. 5. Need to advocate on behalf of the fathers. Some biases to be mindful of:  If agencies connect with dad, they have no services for them.  Caseloads are already high by just focusing on moms and children.  Mothers minimize role/input of dad (and sometimes conceal his identity) in order to receive monetary gain. 16

Men and Emotional Health  Helping men with life problems can enhance their parenting  2007 Canadian study: rates of depression after divorce are higher for men than women.  Women will show depression and stress before the break-up; men will show it after the break-up.  As workers, you are likely working with depressed men.  Men show depression differently  Overcoming personal illnesses can then become better fathers. It’s their first step on the journey  Mention this to them as a reason for your goals. 17

Men and Barriers  For young dads, addressing the barriers must be combined with teaching parenting skills. E.g., finding work, housing, getting out of drug-life  When working with child welfare, be sure to work “with them” not “at them.” Recognize that some dads are risks, some are benefits, some are both. 18

Successful “Father-Friendly” Programs 1. Language in your policies and programming: does it have the words “dads” and “fathers”? 2. Adjust hours of operation to include times when dads are available 3. Assess number of male staff, volunteers, and board members. 4. Make it an organizational item 5. Adapt services to the realities of fathers 19

Suggestions (cont’d) 6. Work with fathers’ strengths, NOT a deficit model of fatherhood  If agencies only talk about what fathers are NOT doing, dads will continue to avoid you  Judge dads on their own terms, not by comparing them with mothers 7. Build partnerships with other community providers – share services and resources 20

Summary  Deal with dad’s contextual issues (employment, legal issues, substance use issues, housing, etc.), either simultaneously or before his role as “father”  Employment is the most important issue to address  Get mom to buy-in to the importance of dad’s role  If mom is supportive of dad, then dad will be supportive of child 21

Reflection and Small Group Activity  List at least 3 ways in which women in your life (moms, aunts, girlfriends) influenced the men in their lives (dad, granddad, uncle). How did they do this?  List at least 3 ways in which you can support and positively influence the men you work with in your role. 22

References  FIRA – (Father Involvement Research Alliance)  Hoffman, John (2011) Father factors: What social science research tells us about fathers and how to work with them