Attentiveness vs. Distraction Showing the worth of a person or task by giving my undivided concentration.

Have you ever found yourself not listening to the other person because you were already thinking about what you wanted to say? Concentrating on what someone is saying is a rare quality. We are normally concentrating on what we would like to say. This tells us that we think that what we have to say is more important than what the other person would say.

Learning about other people comes from listening to them Learning about other people comes from listening to them. Can you explain why couples today divorce? Did you not think that you knew the person well before you married them? Do you think the other party listened to what your needs were, or were they more interested in meeting their own needs?

The only way to meet another person’s needs is to know what those needs are. The only way to know what they are, is to listen to the person express their needs. Fact: Most people will not express their needs to someone if they think they are not attentive enough to hear and respond to them.

Take whatever time is needed to respond. Do not rush the conversation. At home: Listen to what your spouse is saying. Stop what you are doing and look at them so they have your undivided attention. Concentrate on what they are saying, how they are expressing it, and how they want you to respond. Take whatever time is needed to respond. Do not rush the conversation.

At work: Listen and concentrate on what the other person is saying, acting as if this is valuable information… because it is! A computer that does not respond the way you want it to is no good to the user. A fellow worker that does not respond in a way that is pleasing to the other will be soon replaced, or less used.

There are certain things that we can do to practice attentiveness. The more interested we are in other people’s lives, the more they are interested in our’s. The more needs we meet in other people’s lives, the more needs are fulfilled in our own. There are certain things that we can do to practice attentiveness. These tips will help keep you from getting distracted away from everyday conversation and relationships.

A-Accent the positives, do not let the negatives distract you. T-Try to concentrate on what they are saying, and how it is said. T-Test your motives for listening. E- Esteem what they would say over what you have to say. N- Note the important things that are said; highlight the conversation. T- Thank them for their input and advice. I- Invest in what was said; be willing to act upon what was said. V- Validate their feelings and the facts that were communicated. E- Expect great things to come out of it. This keeps a great attitude.

Always be attentive to who the person is, and not who the person has been. Always remember that people tend to be less attentive when you are telling them something for their own good, or correcting them.

Think about what you’re going to say before you say it. The quickest way to get attention is to make a big mistake, or make a fool of yourself. Thus, stop before you try to make someone attentive towards you; make sure you are presenting yourself with respect and good manners. By doing this, you save yourself from getting less attention in the future. Once you’ve made a fool of yourself, people will be less likely to pay attention to what you have to say. Think about what you’re going to say before you say it.

Trouble and weeds thrive on lack of attention.

Check yourself… Partner exercise With a partner, talk about something that is unimportant and boring. Speak for 5 minutes. The person that is listening must keep track of his own thoughts and tell the other party what he was really thinking about while the other person was trying to talk to them. Switch and reverse the roles, and do the same thing. (write down your thoughts or you may forget, when you are done) This will prove that we tend to do a lot of unrelated thinking when someone is talking to us, rather than paying strict attention to what is being said.

Rose used to call the house often and talk for awhile because she was lonely. Her husband was an undercover police officer for a special drug task force and was gone a lot. When she would call I would be doing other things at the same time so I could still accomplish my work that needed to be done. One Friday night she called and started talking about anything that came to her mind. Her children, her job, or just her day in general. My wife was gone, so I took the call. About fifteen minutes into the conversation she started to slur her words, but I assumed she was just tired. I was reading a set of plans while I was talking to her, not really giving her my full attention. Something caught my attention in the conversation and I put down the plans and gave her my full attention. It was then that I knew something was wrong. I started asking all the right questions and found out that she was very depressed and was crying out for help. Giving her my full attention was the only hope we had to stop her from doing what she was going to do.

I began to realize that she had taken something, and her speech was getting worse. I told her that I would come down right away and talk to her. She said, “That’s alright.” Then there was a silence and the phone went dead. I rushed down to her house and knocked on the door; there was no answer. After banging on the door, there was a click of the lock and I pushed the door open. She had taken a bunch of pills and drank a fifth of Vodka, and just wanted to go to sleep. We were able to call 911 and walk her around until they came and saved her life. But I ask myself, “What would have happened if I didn’t give her my full attention?” We can be distracted by the things that are going on around us so much that our children, families, jobs, and our own lives suffer. We must pay attention to what other people are saying, what your spouse is saying, and what your children are saying. We must be attentive to the things around us so we know how to respond properly.

Group exercise: We will need six people for this exercise. One person will get in the middle of the circle and pick someone that they will be talking to. One on the inside of the circle and one on the outside of the circle. Talk about something very important. The other four people will also try to talk to you all at once. They will distract you from being able to hear what the other person is saying. How much were you able to hear? Do you feel frustrated? Is this the way you feel most of the time? What can we do to stop this way of communicating? Try this again, and this time, control the circumstance so that you can be attentive to what the person is saying.