The River Church Community 3/29/2015 Brett Bymaster

Our kid’s timeline – from attachment to independence We start out at birth with a primary goal of making an unbreakable attachment with our kids But then transition to providing an environment where our kids can practice and learn independence. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” The in-between years. Transitioning from attachment to independence

Get the full infographic at Our young people are struggling with the transition to independence

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Click to play video: Do as we say, not as we do!

#1 Factor for your child’s digital health: You!

#2 Factor for your child’s digital health: Practice, conversations, “feedback”

The fight is worth it Engaging kids on appropriate digital media usage earlier than later. Give your kids opportunities to fail, catch them, and bust them! Plan to spend time monitoring Consider ways to be open in family (spouses sharing password is one way) Have a plan for when your kids fail, or when kids around them fail. What would you do if you caught your child sexting? What would you do if your child received a sext?

Click to play video: 5 Ways Social Media is changing our brains

Apps to delete! Tinder – used for sexual hookups Snapchat – tons of sexting & pics disappear so monitoring isn’t possible Blendr. Uses GPS location to locate others. Lots of flirting & hookups Kik Messenger. Lots of sexting Ask.fm. Users post their picture & then ask the world if they’re ugly or pretty. Associated with 9 documented suicides in US & UK Down. Used to be called “Bang with friends” Lets facebook users go through their contacts and show which people they’d be willing to have sex with. The app makes connections for people who are mutually interested. Very popular on college campuses.

Social Media/Facebook Depression Study: “Facebook use predicts declines in the two components of subjective well-being: how people feel moment to moment and how satisfied they are with their lives.” Why? Social Media = Less physical activity, Facebook usage creates intense feelings of envy, and is measurably stressful. Social Isolation

Sexting & Porn 15% of all internet searches are for porn National Campaign to Prevent Pregancy (2008) 20% of teens have sent a nude or semi nude picture of themselves. 39% of teens have seen a nude or semi nude picture intended for someone else. Pew Research Internet Project (2008) 15% of teens have received a sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images of someone they know 4% of teens have sent sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude image of themselves. The teens who pay their own phone bills are 5 times more likely to send “sexts” Porn is now personal!!! It is very likely that your child will be influenced by sexting, either directly or indirectly. Be prepared! Start conversations now!!

Consequences of internet usage The Internet may give you an addict's brain. You may feel more lonely and jealous. Internet use may heighten suicide risk in certain teens Memory problems may be more likely. But it's not all bad -- in moderation, the Internet can actually boost brain function. Functional MRI brain scans show how searching the Internet dramatically engages brain neural networks (in red). The image on the left displays brain activity while reading a book; the image on the right displays activity while engaging in an Internet search. cking-ways-internet-rewires- brain_n_ html

Click to play video: A Deadly Wandering: A tale of tragedy & redemption in the age of Attention

Multitasking Multitasking is NOT healthy Leads to lower efficiency Less creativity Lower performance Enforce non-multitasking rules Turn off screen during homework Responding to text messages is not an immediate imperative!!! Teach kids to do things in discrete steps Model non-multitasking. Stop and think, do you really need your phone with you at all times?

AAP Facts More than 60% of teenagers send and/or receive text messages after “lights out,” and they report increased levels of tiredness, including at school. Two-thirds of children and teenagers report that their parents have “no rules” about time spent with media. 75% of 12- to 17-year-olds own cell phones, up from 45% in Nearly all teenagers (88%) use text messaging. Teenagers actually talk less on their phones than any other age group except for senior citizens Teens send on average 3364 texts per month. Half of teenagers send 50 or more text messages per day, and one-third send more than 100 per day

AAP Recommendations Limit screen time to <1 to 2 hours per day. Keep screens & Internet out of the child’s bedroom. Monitor media & screens Coview TV, movies, and videos with teens & discuss Model active parenting by establishing a family home use plan for all media. As part of the plan, enforce a mealtime and bedtime “curfew” for media devices, including cell phones. Establish reasonable but firm rules about cell phones, texting,Internet, and social media use. Use Commonsensemedia.org

What do we need to do? Screen Contract Have each of your kids sign a phone/internet/computer contract Limit time Limit content No media during dinner, homework, or sleep. Educate, Trust, Verify Talk to your kids Give them opportunities to prove themselves. Read their texts, monitor their social media footprint. Nothing typed is private! The parent giveth, the parent taketh! Be prepared to fight. Pay for kids’ phones, control the contract/plan. Kids who pay for their own phones are more likely to engage in risky behavior. Work on your own mental health. Spend time in prayer. Be ready to tackle the problems. Experts recommend turning your OFF (not silent, but off) at least 30 minutes to 1hr per day to prevent addictive behaviors, and let your brain rest.

Tools Use an internet filter on your home router Best product is Iboss ( $100 search on Amazon) Monitor text messages & internet usage Best product is BitDefender : Use parental controls Remember that you can text with an Ipod. Ipod = Iphone Monitor apps. Have clear agreement on which apps your kids can use. Before you give a device, make sure you have time & money to monitor. No time, no money? No device!

Use a cell phone & screen Family Contract! Here’s a great example: Click here for the PDF version -- Click here for the PDF versionhttp://goo.gl/hon9fd Click here for the MS Word Version -- Click here for the MS Word Version Click here for the Google Doc Version -- Click here for the Google Doc Versionhttp://goo.gl/8IcTjm A great example of a Cell Phone Contract with a 13 Year Old Written by Janelle Hoffman 12/ It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest? 2. I will always know the password to your phone and social media accounts. I will look at them. You will not complain. 3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever. 4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. 5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration. … more items. Click above for the full contract!!

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. 1 Thes 5:16-23 Our always “on” world is in opposition to hearing God. If we, and our kids, can’t experience silence by unplugging, then we can’t experience the sweet goodness that God wants to offer us by being in a continuous posture of prayer. Make this art project with your family! It’s a great way to catalyze a conversation on media & faith in your family. Download the template by going to Printout & cutout the template, buy some ear plugs, and tie them to a string that you tape to the template. Do it as a family, and then try plugging into the ultimate source – our Father in heaven!