Building Resilience in Teens How to help your teen deal with life’s challenges.

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Resilience Factors Personal Factors: Personal Factors: Easy temperament: outgoing, flexible Easy temperament: outgoing, flexible High self-esteem High self-esteem Mastery approach: success due to ability and failure due to self (made a mistake, didn’t prepare) or environment Mastery approach: success due to ability and failure due to self (made a mistake, didn’t prepare) or environment Family Environment: Family Environment: Warmth, closeness and structure Warmth, closeness and structure Close relationship with someone outside the family Close relationship with someone outside the family Offers support system and positive coping model (mentor) Offers support system and positive coping model (mentor)

Characteristics of a Resilient Teen Maintains a hopeful outlook Maintains a hopeful outlook Able to accept circumstances that cannot change Able to accept circumstances that cannot change Develops realistic goals and works toward them Develops realistic goals and works toward them Takes responsibility and learns from mistakes Takes responsibility and learns from mistakes Keeps a long term and broader perspective Keeps a long term and broader perspective Self confident Self confident

Parent Strategies Be empathetic (we want to feel understood) Be empathetic (we want to feel understood) Have reasonable expectations Have reasonable expectations Use reasonable discipline methods Use reasonable discipline methods Give more decision making as teen matures Give more decision making as teen matures Be communicative (think aloud) Be communicative (think aloud) Don’t react negatively to negative emotions Don’t react negatively to negative emotions Give more responsibility to your teen Give more responsibility to your teen Model healthy lifestyle Model healthy lifestyle

Tools to Teach Your Teen Effective communication Effective communication Honest appraisal of self Honest appraisal of self Problem solving (empathize-identify problem- identify viable solutions-come up with solution) Problem solving (empathize-identify problem- identify viable solutions-come up with solution) The model of success The model of success How to reach out and get help How to reach out and get help Conflict resolution Conflict resolution

Teaching Responsibility The good news is that it’s your fault The good news is that it’s your fault Mistakes are a part of life Mistakes are a part of life Have responsibilities Have responsibilities More decision ability More decision ability Money management Money management Create schedule, structure Create schedule, structure

Recovery Skills Ability to bounce back Ability to bounce back Calm self physically Calm self physically Reassure self (recognize strengths) Reassure self (recognize strengths) Reflect on what happened Reflect on what happened Take responsibility but avoid internalizing Take responsibility but avoid internalizing Take broader perspective (not the end of the world) Take broader perspective (not the end of the world) Consider alternatives for future action Consider alternatives for future action Learn from mistakes Learn from mistakes

Teaching how to Overcome Challenges Don’t fix it for your child Don’t fix it for your child Ask before offering suggestions Ask before offering suggestions Don’t get mad about mistakes Don’t get mad about mistakes Role model and “think aloud” about problem solving and preparation Role model and “think aloud” about problem solving and preparation Ask your teen how he would handle situations outside himself (e.g. in a movie, a friend’s, your own) Ask your teen how he would handle situations outside himself (e.g. in a movie, a friend’s, your own)

Relationships Make sure you work on having a positive relationship with your teen Make sure you work on having a positive relationship with your teen Empathize and active listen Empathize and active listen Separate relating and managing interactions with your teen Separate relating and managing interactions with your teen Make sure your teen has good peer relationships Make sure your teen has good peer relationships Make sure your teen has good relationships with adults Make sure your teen has good relationships with adults

Self-Regulation Ability to monitor and control emotions Ability to monitor and control emotions Includes two components: Includes two components: Cognitive (self-reassuring) Cognitive (self-reassuring) Physiological (adrenalin, cortisol) Physiological (adrenalin, cortisol) Calm down before doing anything else Calm down before doing anything else Social referencing Social referencing

Healthy Habits Have fun with your teen Take care of body through exercise & nutrition Keep a balance in life between work and fun Reduce chronic stress and tension Visualize hopeful outlook Learn and practice relaxation skills

Threats to Resilience Trauma Trauma Divorce Divorce Disability Disability Loss of a loved one or support system Loss of a loved one or support system Chronic stress Chronic stress Too much change Too much change