College of Engineering Hanson Center for Technical Communication University of Iowa College of Engineering Hanson Center for Technical Communication 1

Soft Skills for a Hard World October 2013 Copyright 2013 Denise M. Blommel, PLLC 2

Donald R. Doerres, II Master Engineer University of Iowa BSEE 1973 don@azlaborlaw.com 3

7272 E. Indian School Road, Suite 206 Denise Blommel Denise M. Blommel, PLLC Attorney/Mediator 7272 E. Indian School Road, Suite 206 Scottsdale, AZ 85251 480-425-7272 denise@azlaborlaw.com www.azlaborlaw.com 4

Technology and the 24/7 Lifestyle 5

Limited Social Interaction 6

Work/Life Imbalance 7

Diversity Differences in Race, Color, National Origin, Religion, Gender, Sexual Orientation, Disability, Age, Veteran Status, Personality and the Way One Thinks. 8

Key Words Dialogue Discussion Conversation 9

COMMUNICATE Face To Face Telephone Text Email Social Media 10

LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION 1. Humor/courtesy 2. Facts/information 3. Expression of opinions, feelings and insights 4. Sharing of deep feelings and personal secrets Meis and Markey-Meis WHEN FAMILIES MARRY 11

PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION What We Say May Not Be What Is Heard. 12

Types of Communication Visual Aural Kinesthetic

Peter Senge on Questions 40% are statements in disguise 40% are judgments in disguise 20% are true questions 14

Venting and Repetition 15

PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION 2. Messages Contain Thoughts And Emotions. 16

Why vs. Help Me Understand 17

PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION 3. How We Physically Respond Is A Better Indicator Than What We Say. 18

Tone of Voice Body Language Diction 19

How Many Sentences? I never said that to him. 5 volunteers – Don starts 20 20

Sentence Two I really didn’t mean it. 5 volunteers 21

PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION 4. There is an appropriate time and an appropriate place. 22

DIFFERENCES IN COMMUNICATION Gender differences Age differences Cultural differences Language barriers Others? 23

SOME BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION Negotiation Style Perceptions of Fairness Personal Needs Outside Distractions 24

answer for everything… There is no one right answer for everything… 25

LISTENING The Chinese Characters for Listening: 1. Ear Gather 2. Eye Perceive 3. Heart Sense 4. King Respect Purpose of this Activity: To demonstrate the multiple dimensions of listening and what it takes to fully listen to another so that you understand them. Topic: Listening: Chinese Characters Activity: Lecture & exercises Time: 8 min. STEPS: 1. REVIEW this slide. For listening to take place you have to clear your mind. You have to understand emotions and let them go (not suppress them). Then you can have your mind clear. The first key to listening is gathering. You can’t gather if you mind is full. 2. ASK What is the difference between hearing & listening? What does it take to bring listening to an interaction? Listening in this sense goes beyond just hearing (gathering through the ears). Listening implies understanding what their communication means and what the intention is. You have to use all the senses. When you process, you process what you see AND what you sense with all your senses. 3. EAR: GATHER The Ear serves to gather information. Copyright Covisioning 2001 Continued... 26

LISTENING Ear Eye Heart King STEPS: Purpose of this Activity: To demonstrate the multiple dimensions of listening and what it takes to fully listen to another so that you understand them. Topic: Listening: Chinese Characters Activity: Lecture & exercises Time: 8 min. STEPS: 1. REVIEW this slide. For listening to take place you have to clear your mind. You have to understand emotions and let them go (not suppress them). Then you can have your mind clear. The first key to listening is gathering. You can’t gather if you mind is full. 2. ASK What is the difference between hearing & listening? What does it take to bring listening to an interaction? Listening in this sense goes beyond just hearing (gathering through the ears). Listening implies understanding what their communication means and what the intention is. You have to use all the senses. When you process, you process what you see AND what you sense with all your senses. 3. EAR: GATHER The Ear serves to gather information. Copyright Covisioning 2001 Continued... 27

Guides to Good Listening BE INTERESTED. WEIGH CONTENT. BE PATIENT. FOCUS ON CENTRAL IDEAS. BE FLEXIBLE. PRACTICE LISTENING. RESIST DISTRACTIONS. EXERCISE THE MIND. KEEP THE MIND OPEN. Geico ad 28

between understanding another’s position and condoning it. There is a difference between understanding another’s position and condoning it. 29

CONFLICT RESOLUTION 30

CONFLICT Conflict is a part of life. Conflict does not mean failure. Conflict leads to change and growth 31

People do not need to agree on beliefs or values but only as to arrangements for the future. 32

The Iceberg of Conflict Issues _____________ Personalities Emotions Interests Needs Desires Self-Perceptions Self-Esteem Hidden Expectations Unresolved Issues from Past Cloke & Goldsmith 33

Costs of Unresolved Conflict Wasted time Bad decisions Unnecessary restructuring Health costs Formal costs e.g. litigation Job dissatisfaction Dr. Daniel Dana CONFLICT RESOLUTION 34

Options for Resolving Conflict Avoidance Collaboration Negotiate Mediate Higher Authority Chain of command Litigate Unilateral Power Play Slaiku, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE 35

Problem Resolution Set Absolution: Ignore a problem and hope it goes away. Solution: Do something to produce a positive outcome. Resolution: Do something to produce the best possible outcome. Dissolution: Eliminate the cause of the problem. From WHEN FAMILIES MARRY by Finian Meis and Tara Markey-Meis 36

Seven Steps to Solution 37

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION Find the time and place to talk Decide upon ground rules Listen to each other Ascertain issue and core value involved Identify common goals Explore options Make a plan for the future 38

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION Find the time and place to talk 39

The Meeting Invitation to meet Securing a location Eliminate distractions Environmental factors Ensure timing is right 40

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 2. Decide upon ground rules 41

Sample Ground Rules Be respectful of one another No personal attacks Do not interrupt Try to understand the other’s point of view Confidentiality No reloading 42

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 3. Listen to each other 43

LISTENING BEHAVIORS Listen for the Facts Understand the Speaker (Empathic Listening) Active Listening Paraphrase/Summarize to understand 44

Helpful Phrases “Help Me Understand” “It sounds like…” “It seems like….” “We cannot change the past” “One option for resolution is…” “What do you suggest?” “I really need to understand more…” “What’s it going to take?” “It is common to react this way when…” 45

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 4. Ascertain issue and core value involved 46

Focus on Interests Interests = Needs + Core Values Wants vs. Needs The story of the orange Reframing Change the game by changing the frame Change perception to see new possibilities 47

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 5. Identify common goals 48

What do we need to accomplish? 49

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 6. Explore options 50

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17 Camels Elderly tribal chief passes away & leaves his camel herd to his 3 sons Stipulates the following in his will: Eldest son to receive 1/2 of herd Second eldest to receive 1/3 of herd Youngest to receive 1/9 of herd 52

17 Camels 3 Sons Visit the Village Elder Sons unable to agree on division of camels Each brother presents his issue Each wants fair share of herd Elder tells them she will lend them one camel to resolve the dispute Only asks that camel be returned when no longer needed 53

17 Camels Resolution 1/2 of 18 = 9 1/3 of 18 = 6 1/9 of 18 = 2 17 18th camel no longer needed YOUR ROLE -- help find the 18th camel! 54

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 7. Make a plan for the future 55

PRINCIPLES OF AGREEMENTS The Past Can’t be Changed - Focus on Future Any Settlement is a Gamble - for All Parties. 56

Questions? 57