Grade 4 Copyright © 2014 by Write Score LLC

We are going to work on ways to improve the beginning of a story. When working on our beginnings, we want to: o grab the reader’s attention. o create a picture for the reader. o orient the reader and establish the situation of the story (setting, characters, etc.). To improve a beginning, we want to: o use effective techniques and descriptive details.

To show you what I mean, let’s look at this effective narrative beginning from literature: I like surprises. But the one Grandma and I are planning for Dad's birthday is the best surprise of all. -The Wednesday Surprise by Eve Bunting (p. 5)

A short sentence states a big idea “surprises”; the word “surprise” is repeated. I like surprises. But the one Grandma and I are planning for Dad's birthday is the best surprise of all. Narrator Story Situation Here is what I notice in that beginning:

Amy and I are awake before dawn on this September morning. It is the last week at our island house until next summer, and we don't want to waste a minute of it. -An Island Scrapbook by Virginia Wright-Frierson (p. 5) Here is another effective narrative beginning from literature:

Amy and I are awake before dawn on this September morning. It is the last week at our island house until next summer, and we don't want to waste a minute of it. Narrator and characters revealed When the story takes place Story situation revealed using an effective technique Here is what I notice in that beginning:

Grace was a girl who loved stories. She didn't mind if they were read to her or told to her or made up in her own head. She didn't care if they were in books or movies or out of Nana's long memory. Grace just loved stories. -Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman & Caroline Binch (p. 5) Here is a third effective narrative beginning from literature:

Grace was a girl who loved stories. She didn't mind if they were read to her or told to her or made up in her own head. She didn't care if they were in books or movies or out of Nana's long memory. Grace just loved stories. Character identified (beginning is a direct statement) Details about the story Here is what I notice in that beginning:

Here is what else I noticed: Grace was a girl who loved stories. She didn't mind if they were read to her or told to her or made up in her own head. She didn't care if they were in books or movies or out of Nana's long memory. Grace just loved stories. Repeated line Effective technique

Here is a beginning for my story: Last Saturday my family and I went to the State Fair. The minute we parked the car, I could smell popcorn and funnel cake. Then I saw the huge roller coaster, and I hoped my brother wouldn't make me go on it with him. Notice and Note The beginning orients the reader and establishes the situation: I went to the State Fair. We know who the characters are: my family and I. Some descriptive details were used: smell popcorn and funnel cake.

Here is my revised beginning modeled after the beginning of Amazing Grace: I hate roller coasters. I don't mind watching other people ride on them. I don't care if my brother wants to ride it a thousand times with my dad. I just know that I don't want to go near one. I hate roller coasters.

Notice how I used many of the same effective techniques and sentence patterns that the writer used in Amazing Grace: I hate roller coasters. I don't mind watching other people ride on them. I don't care if my brother wants to ride it a thousand times with my dad. I just know that I don't want to go near one. I hate roller coasters. Character identified (beginning is a direct statement) Details about the story

I hate roller coasters. I don't mind watching other people ride on them. I don't care if my brother wants to ride it a thousand times with my dad. I just know that I don't want to go near one. I hate roller coasters. Here is what else I noticed: Repeated line Effective technique

I hate roller coasters. I don't mind watching other people ride on them. I don't care if my brother wants to ride it a thousand times with my dad. I just know that I don't want to go near one. I hate roller coasters. Last Saturday my family and I went to the State Fair. The minute we parked the car, I could smell popcorn and funnel cake. Then I saw the huge roller coaster, and I hoped my brother wouldn't make me go on it with him. Notice how I combined my revised beginning with my original beginning to get started on my story:

Now you are going to rewrite my beginning about going to the State Fair. o Open to a clean page in your notebook. o Reread the handout and use one of the examples as a model for your beginning. o Try to imitate effective techniques and sentence patterns the writer used. Remember! o Orient the reader and include a story situation. o Introduce characters and/or a narrator. characters details narrator

Last Saturday my family and I went to the State Fair. The minute we parked the car, I could smell popcorn and funnel cake. Then I saw the huge roller coaster, and I hoped my brother wouldn't make me go on it with him.

o Look over beginnings for other stories you have written. o Try rewriting them in your notebook. Model your revised beginnings after the examples on the handout. Try combining different versions of your beginnings. o Remember, you can also find other examples of effective narrative beginnings in books and use those as models as well. o Remember to also introduce characters and/or a narrator, orient the reader, and include a story situation. o No matter what, create a picture for the reader!