A Parent’s Guide to Prevention and Intervention Bully Prevention A Parent’s Guide to Prevention and Intervention

What is Bullying? Intentional, repeated, one-sided. Bullying can be verbal, social (including cyberbullying), and/or physical. “Bullying is always intentional and mean-spirited; it never happens just once, and there is always a power imbalance. The victim cannot hold his own. It is not the same as teasing: bullying involves a higher level of threat and abuse.” Borba Intentional, repeated, and one sided teasing could lead to bullying. Bullying is a learned behavior. Bullying should not be confused with rudeness.

Most Common Concerns at TWE…Is It Bullying? “My friend won’t play with me.” “This kid on the bus looked at me and made a face.” “At recess, the other boys tell me I’m no good at sports.” “I got a text from a friend that was bragging because she was at the party and I was not.”

The Roles Students Play Target- the child being bullied Perpetrator- the child who bullied Bystander- the child witnessing someone being bullied. Avoid labels such as bully and victim as these terms can: Send the message that the child’s behavior cannot change Fail to recognize the multiple roles children might play in different bullying situations Disregard other factors contributing to the behavior such as peer influence or school climate

When a Child is Bullied REPORT TO SCHOOL PERSONNEL Please help us teach your children that in order for the school to help, we must know of the incident. If one report does not change the behavior-report to a different adult. Use SafetyNet, note to counselor, librarian, nurse, a different teacher, etc. SafteyNet is an anonymous reporting system students can use at school when they believe themselves or someone else to be in danger. Listen to what your child is saying. Don’t lead the conversation, facilitate the conversation. Gather facts What, who, where, how, did you tell anyone?

How Can Parents Help Targets Never Stop Explaining That the Issue Belongs to the Bully What does that mean? Discuss Talking!!! Don’t ask, “Did anyone bother you at school today?” Instead say, “Tell me about your day”. “ What was the best/worst part?” etc. PLEASE Stop Rescuing Children need to learn problem solving skills for themselves which is difficult to learn when parents consistently come to their rescue. (Instead ask, “What could you do about that?”) Have your child avoid areas where bullies prey Avoid areas (when possible) where potential bullying situation arise. (neighborhood, park, etc.) Encourage your child to find a supportive companion. “kids who have even one friend to confide in can deal with bullying better than those on their own”. (Borba, 2009)

Tips for Targets Don’t look like a victim Stay calm and do not react Stand tall and hold you head up high. Children look more confident and less vulnerable. Stay calm and do not react Bullies love power and knowing they have upset the target. Encourage your child to stay calm and try not to appear upset. Becoming upset will likely encourage bullying to continue. Use humor to diffuse the situation Jokingly agreeing with perpetrator can diffuse the power the perpetrator was hoping for and potentially avoid future encounters. Teach this as a strategy rather than an agreement with perpetrator. (Not advised for every personality) Say “no” using a firm voice Help your child role play and practice his response to bullying. Leave the scene When possible, targets should move away from the bully as soon as possible. Boost self-confidence Become involved in hobbies that increase self esteem and that the child genuinely enjoys.

Self Esteem and Bullying What is Self Esteem? The way one feels about themselves. How could this be connected to bullying? Discuss Self Esteem: Begins forming early in life Is modeled by parents Affects school success Affects how children relate to other people Affects creativity

Building Self Esteem One way to help your child avoid being a victim of bullying is building their self esteem. Be a positive role model. Nurture your own self esteem. Be generous with praise. Reward effort and completion, not just outcome. Teach positive self-statements.* Redirect children’s negative self talk into positive ones. Keep your expectation realistic. Don’t expect perfection; no one is perfect. Respect your child’s unique qualities. Every child has something worth celebrating.* Let them “own” their problems. Letting children solve problems allows them to gain confidence in themselves and their abilities. Show children that you can laugh at yourself. Show children that life doesn’t have to always be serious.

Building Self Esteem Cont. Teach Good Manners Mutual Respect. Give Genuine Compliments Children know when you’re just trying to be nice. Set Kids up to Succeed Success fosters confidence. What are their natural abilities? Give the Freedom to Take Risks As long as there are more successes than failures, children will learn to not let a few failures get them down. A child who is over-protected and not allowed to fail will learn to try only if success is guaranteed.* Let Your Children Make Their Own Choices Children need to learn that every decision they make will have its own consequence. Assign Household Jobs When a child accomplishes something, they feel confident. Open Your Home to Friends Friendship bonds are often best solidified outside of school. Spend Time with Your Children. (Not Just When the Electricity Goes Out)

When a Child is a Bystander 85% of students are bystanders. They witness bullying and respond in some way. The way they respond can either encourage bullying or stop bullying. Roles kids play when they witness bullying include: Kids who assist-encourage bullying and occasionally join in. Kids who reinforce-laugh or provide support for the children bullying others. This gives the bully an audience and encourages the bullying to continue. (Sometimes reinforcers are “friends”) Kids who defend (a.k.a.-Upstanders)- comforts target and may come to targets defense. Outsiders-neither reinforce nor defend the situation, but simply observing the situation from the outside often is encouragement enough for bullying to continue as it still provides an audience.

Tips for Bystanders Don’t give the bully an audience. Help target get away if possible. Be their friend. REPORT INCIDENT TO SCHOOL. Set a good example.

What Bulling is Not Rude comments Occasional teasing Not being invited to a party Friends not getting along A Stare

Resources The Big Book of Parenting Solutions by Michele Borba katyisd.org Children's Self Esteem Center For Effective Parenting Self Esteem in Children 7 Ways to Boost Kids' Confidence How to Raise Your Self Esteem Stop Bullying.Gov