Preteens and Pornography Andrew Hymas, LCSW Upper Valley Resource and Counseling Center

What we’ll cover Preventing exposure/interest/addiction Education Awareness Management Addressing a problem Support Treatment Repentance

Some Basics Emotional Development achieved by approximately age 5. Cognitive Development is not achieved until early 20’s. Children can experience full range of emotions and arousal, but don’t have the cognitive filters to manage them. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/public ations/the-teen-brain-still-under- construction/index.shtml http://patwolfe.com/2011/09/the- adolescent-brain-a-work-in-progress/

Order of brain growth and development: 2 Emotional Brain Emotions Memory Bonding 1 Old Brain Basic survival functions Instinctual behavior “Fight or flight” response 3 Rational Brain “Executive Center” Still under construction in children and teens

Some basics Behavior is driven by needs. Problematic behavior is a result of unmet needs. In order to address problematic behavior, the unmet need must be addressed. Meeting higher needs can override lower needs (values and morals).

Prevention: Education Values and Morals Right vs. wrong AND why Self-Awareness Emotional Intelligence Inner dialogue Self Control Initially based on structure created by parents. Migrates to decisions based on social feedback Grows into decisions based on values and morals.

Prevention: Education Moral Intelligence Empathy Conscience Self-Control Respect Kindness Tolerance Fairness Relationships Communication Cooperation Interaction

Prevention: Education Sexual Development http://www.sexualityandu.ca/parents/se xuality-child-development “The Talk” Age appropriate Based on morals and values. Boundaries What is okay/not okay Role play (If someone…)

Prevention: Awareness Exposure Risks First exposure between age 8 and 10. Often while doing homework Friends Library Mobile devices are the most common way pornography is accessed Five “W’s” Who What When Where Why

Prevention: Management Device Management Computers in public areas Mobile devices (where are they) Smart televisions/internet access devices Filters/passwords/tracker Interaction management Know friends Know rules at friend’s houses Restrict as needed (Protection is priority)

Prevention: Management RULES Home rules Device use/time frames Bedroom time/activities Where friends can/cannot go Rules for friend’s houses Ratings Where it is okay/not okay to be Ask the w’s Rules about electronic devices at other’s houses.

Addressing a problem: Support Check your own emotional response. Gather information and guidance Develop a plan Don’t: Lose your temper Belittle Condemn Punish Avoid

Addressing a problem: Support With your child: Discuss the behavior empathetically Use active listening to assess their feelings Support your child in developing a plan for change Include in the plan goals and criteria for regular reporting and check-ins Give it time, be patient with relapse Support the child in making change they want to make. Making them change or punishing may lead to rebellion, and will damage your relationship.

Addressing a problem: Treatment Resistance, family conflict, or the behavior is not improving. Mood problems, significant behavioral issues, suicidal ideation/attempts. Significant change in behavior, friends, attitude. Other sexual behavior or concerns, or any history of abuse or neglect. Feeling overwhelmed, not sure how to proceed or handle the situation.

Addressing a problem: Repentance Bishops must be involved with pornography repentance. Basics Prayer Scripture Study Church attendance FASTING Service https://www.lds.org/general- conference/2004/10/in-the-strength- of-the-lord?lang=eng