Protective Behaviours “All children have the right to feel safe all of the time!” HCK: Supporting your children Explian the context and what the vocal ‘protective behaviours’

Tonights Aims: -To support ongoing work in class Tonights Aims: -To support ongoing work in class. -To give information and supportive tips when talking to your child. -To support your children in developing their own protective behaviour skills.

Our Background: Who are we? Why are we talking to you tonight?

The PB Process - Themes The PB Process consists of two themes and five strategies (or steps) designed to encourage us to act on our feelings if we feel unsafe. Theme One: We all have the right to feel safe all of the time… and others have the right to feel safe with us. Theme Two: We can talk with someone we trust about anything, no matter how awful or small.

The PB Process - Steps Step One: Step Two: Step Three: Step Four: Talk about feeling safe, adventurous and unsafe. Step Two: Identify early warning signs. Step Three: Encourage talk about feelings. Step Four: Create a network. Step Five: Persist until early warnings signs go away.

The PB Process – Step One Safe, Adventurous, Unsafe As children, we learn to identify the difference between the excitement of adventure and the bitter taste of danger. We agree that it is important to understand that as we grow older, the situations in which we become involved will change, but our right to feel safe will not. There is a big difference between healthy excitement and being frightened more than we want to be. Safe Adventurous As children, we learn to identify the difference between the excitement of adventure and the bitter taste of danger. We agree that it is important to understand that as we grow older, the situations in which we become involved will change, but our right to feel safe will not. There is a big difference between healthy excitement and being frightened more than we want to be. Unsafe

The PB Process – Step Two Early Warning Signs (EWS) What our bodies say: How does it feel when we know we are safe vs. when we know we are in danger? Our bodies don’t lie. Because we are children, we are able to learn quickly to identify and trust our feelings. Paying attention to our EWS helps us to protect ourselves. We need to identify and trust our feelings. “There are butterflies in my stomach!” “My heart is beating so fast!” “My knees are so wobbly!” “My mouth is so dry!” We talk about how it feels when we know we are in danger as compared to when we are safe, and tat helps us to recognize our Early Warning Signs or EWS. You see, our bodies don’t lie; our minds can play tricks on us, but not our bodies. Our internal physical sensations or EWS go off, just like a red police light. When this happens, our bodies’ warning systems are trying to tell us maybe we are not safe. However, it makes sense to take a deep breath and ask, “Do I have a choice here? Am I in charge/control? Will there be an end to feeling scared?” Because we are children, we are able to learn quickly to identify and trust our feelings. Paying attention to our EWS helps us to protect ourselves.

Always trust your instincts The PB Process – Step Three- Talking An important part of trusting our feelings means that it’s okay to share feelings. Encouraging us to talk about our feelings helps us feel safe again- story books of everyday situations help support empathy for characters and help adults gain insight to children's minds and feelings- This can be eye opening! Body Parts- recognising what belongs to you and accurately naming. Whats Private?- be clear your body belongs to you. Bathers covers what’s private. No body can put anything in your mouth, sand, an allergen etc Your mouth is a private part too! Secrets V Surprises- the power of language. Always trust your instincts

Conversations that can close doors… The PB Process Conversations that can close doors… As adults telling a child not to be scared doesn’t take the fear away just makes the child stop telling. How often are children, especially boys told not to cry, to just get on with it? Ignoring a child’s warning sign due to adult peer pressure.

Ask yourself, “Are these people I can trust?” The PB Process – Step Four This is my Network – My “Helping Hand” Ask yourself, “Are these people I can trust?” Piano Teacher School Counselor Mary’s Mom Uncle Joe Mom, Dad, Grandma we are encouraged to “share” feelings with adults – especially our Early Warning Signs.

The PB Process – Step Five Persistence When we learn to ride a bicycle, we keep trying until we succeed – this is persistence. Persist in talking to as many people in your network as it takes for you to feel safe again; until your EWS go away. When we are learning to ride a bicycle, we keep trying and trying until we succeed. That is called persistence. What could we do when we don’t feel safe and our EWS are bothering us? We can speak out for ourselves until someone does something to help us feel safe. We will know we are safe when our EWS go away. That may mean we have to talk to more than one adult in our network. Sometimes we need to go to ALL of the people in our network before we feel safe! This is called persistence too – just like learning how to ride a bike.

How can I start the conversation process with my child? Where to start the talking??????? How can I start the conversation process with my child? Having a Plan What if … I’m locked out at home I’m lost in store My ride doesn’t show up My friend’s shoplifting Family adults are fighting Someone bully’s me I’m approached by stranger False alarms I’m touched in way that feels uncomfortable An adult needs emergency help

How to help equip your child… The PB Process How to help equip your child… Their telephone number Their address Their parent(s) work number How to reach you or someone you trust

What if My Child is Sexually Abused? The PB Process What if My Child is Sexually Abused? Take them seriously Get professional help

Children are strong and smart and have the right to feel safe. The PB Process Children are strong and smart and have the right to feel safe.