NAVIGATING RELATIONSHIPS: Words Matter Facilitator: Janessa Rivera, Owner/CEO of R.E.B.I.R.T.H Journey LLC

What Does She Mean When She Says RELATIONSHIPS ? This means the world “RELATIONSHIPS” can be used to describe and interpersonal dealings with another individual: Family Friends Intimate partners (girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/fiancé/lover/boo/bae/boo-thang/FWB/“HIM/HER”) “Situationships” Work/school related Relationship is a noun that is defined as “the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or PEOPLE are connected”; “the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other”. What Does She Mean When She Says RELATIONSHIPS ?

Classifying Relationships: UNHEALTHY HEALTHY Encouraging Empowering Equally Yoked Two-Sided Uplifting Honest/Loyal No malicious intent Respectful Progressive Understanding and respects differences Communication Mutual commitment and Dedication Draining Manipulation Guilt Trip One-Sided Dishonest/Distrust Constant Criticism or Ridicule Shaming/Blaming Threatened by other relationships Codependent Unreliable/Inconsistent Disrespectful Demand conformity

Areas of Wellness in an Individual

Activity: have audience raise hand or mark a tally for each thing they have witnessed or experienced in any of their interpersonal relationships (significant other, family, friend, etc.) Start off the activity by saying the phrase “Have you ever personally encountered in a relationship any of the following …” Been jealous regarding who the other person spends time with or talk to Checked the other person’s phone/texts/voicemails without their consent Checked the other person’s social media without their consent or to find out who else they are hanging with/talking to when not with you Called them negative names Been controlling towards the other person Kept the other person from hanging out with or talking to family/friends (as a sense of loyalty to you) Gone days without speaking to the other person bc they are upset Been possessive regarding the other person Made the other person feel guilty for saying No to them about something Made the other person fear doing/not doing something to prevent reaction or retaliation from you Embarrassed/shamed/yell at the person in public Threaten to break up/unfriend/stop speaking with the person if they didn’t do exactly what they say/want Spread rumors or tell secrets whenever you get upset Threaten to share personal/private information if they do not comply with something you want them to do or say Give you an uncomfortable ultimatum Punch, pinch, push, shove, pull their hair, poke their eye, smack, slap, spit on them

If you raised your hand or marked up a tally for any of the questions during the previous activity, you may have experienced or witnessed the red flags of an unhealthy and toxic relationship within one or more dimensions of your life.

Types of negative and toxic behaviors in unhealthy relationships: PHYSICAL : Using force to hurt or restrain an individual Punching Pinching Pushing/shoving Poking Pulling Hair Smacking/Slapping Spitting Mushing Grabbing Kicking EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL: Using words, verbal threats, and manipulation to control and hurt an individual Threatening/Aggressive comments Name calling/Teasing/Shaming Telling lies/Spreading rumors Embarrassing in public Controlling who to befriend/talk to/hang with Manipulation Guilt Tripping Controlling behavior Monitoring phone/text/social media Blaming you for their anger or how they negatively react Cyberbullying or Electronic Aggression SEXUAL : Forcing unwanted sexual activity or advances, blackmailing and coercing with sexually explicit photos/videos Rape Reproductive coercion Birth Control Sabotage Revenge Porn Using guilt to obtain sexting, sexual videos, sexually graphic photos Forcing oneself on to the other with out consent Posting/Sharing private photos/videos without consent Using drugs or alcohol to impair the individual and force them into sexual activity

Impact of negative and toxic behaviors Individual Preform poorly in school/work and affect attendance Become antisocial Participate in unhealthy behaviors such as binge drinking, smoking, using drugs, or engaging in unhealthy diet behaviors, including taking diet pills or laxatives and vomiting to lose weight; attempting suicide Higher risk of becoming pregnant or having an STD due to increased promiscuity; Develop a negative body image and become uncomfortable with their sexuality; Be overly dependent on others and not achieving independence; Experience symptoms of depression and anxiety and report feelings of hopelessness and sadness; Relationships Increased patterns and frequency of toxic behavior can lead to various forms of abuse Isolation from individual Communication barriers Resentment/Grudges Harboring anger/rage Unresolved issues Manipulation/Coercion/Guilt tripping

Manifesting healthy relationships Do’s Don’ts Know your worth Free yourself from negative and toxic people Be kind and respectful Take chances to get to know people you don’t already know Be encouraging Be forgiving Practice honesty and loyalty Give what you want to receive Say what you mean and mean what you say Use discretion Allow others to make their own decisions and respect their perceptions Talk less; LISTEN MORE Take accountability for your own actions Hold grudges Address personal/private matters in public Give ultimatums or guilt trip Be co-dependent Control an individual Make assumptions/snap judgements Keep secrets Be possessive Change an individual Hide your true feelings Enable negative behavior Be disrespectful or endure disrespect Lower standards

Advocating for yourself- Self Love/Care Setting boundaries and expectations for yourself and the roles you want others to play in your life Taking care of yourself and your needs first-HONOR YOUR NEEDS Be confident with your opinions and perceptions; stand up for yourself when those are challenged Do not take on responsibility for things beyond your control Hold people accountable for their actions and how they affect(ed) you Communicate honestly about your concerns, ideas, desires..ALWAYS Forgive more-FORGIVE YOURSELF Do not let you happiness be dependent upon what other people do or don’t do Decide what you want in your life and say no to anything that doesn’t support it or align with it Know your worth and know when to leave a situation when your worth isn’t being respected De-program yourself from the “hurt” focus on new relationships, strengths, improved patterns, hope, affirmation, and helping others based on what you learned Surround yourself with people who are inspired, motivated, open-minded, passionate, grateful Reaffirm your self worth-practice positive self talk Practice mindfulness Journal your thoughts Talk about your experiences – In order to PREVENT, We need to EDUCATE, so then we can ADVOCATE!

About The Presenter Janessa Rivera Email: the.rebirth.journey@gmail.com Website: www.rebirthjourney.com Instagram: @rebirth_journey Facebook: The Rebirth Journey