I’m not good enough to discuss Imposter Syndrome How to Get out of your own way in the Industry Rig Moroi, M.A.Ed. ShellCon 2019

So have you ever… Stood in a conversation circle at a convention, and wonder why exactly all these awesome nerds weren’t telling you to fuck off? Brushed off a professional compliment with “Oh, well, it’s just a hobby…” Insisted that you weren’t really as clever as all that, just got lucky?

What is Imposter Syndrome? high achievers - unable to internalize and accept their success; believe: accomplishments - “luck” rather than ability others will eventually unmask them as a fraud everyone else “gets” what’s going on https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2013/11/fraud.aspx  "There's a sense of being thrown into the deep end of the pool and needing to learn to swim… But I wasn't just questioning whether I could survive. In a fundamental way, I was asking, ‘Am I a swimmer?'"

Clance and Imes, 1978 – “imposter phenomenon” in high-achieving women Fun Facts Clance and Imes, 1978 – “imposter phenomenon” in high-achieving women People of all genders experience it; higher prevalence in women International Journal of Behavioral Science, 2011 – ~70% of people experience it Blind survey, 2018 – 58% of people in Tech experience imposter syndrome Well, let’s take a look

Which companies have which kind of corporate cultural reputations?

leadership Contributing factors Poor communication Punitive Promotes divisions/cliques/gossip Bad faith Micromanaging/Interfering/Disrupting workflow Unrealistic goals/timelines/standards No oversight of middle management Poor communication – as much in writing as possible, coherently presented

What ISN’T Imposter Syndrome? Snyder's (1972, 1974) construct of self-monitoring Being an actual imposter Dunning-Kruger effect Snyder's (1972, 1974) construct of self-monitoring - constantly checking and adjusting behavior and appearance based on perceived social cues

Why is Imposter Syndrome? Pressure to achieve (external/internal) 3 basic social drives Uncommunicative families (Busotti, 1990) High drive to seek external validation “False Self” “a view of intelligence as a fixed entity rather than as a malleable quality.” (Langford, 1990) 3 basic social drives: To be liked To be seen as competent To be seen as important “False Self” – grandiose, obsequious, withdrawn, etc. trying to live as two different people  additional psychological stress/anxiety

Social and direct messages about demographic- appropriate subjects Studies on Gender Social and direct messages about demographic- appropriate subjects E.g. By age of three, children internalize “girls shouldn’t play with Lego” “boys shouldn’t play house” Neurodiversity (Autism spectrum, ADHD, other PDD’s) Social and direct messages about demographic-appropriate subjects By age of three, children internalize “girls shouldn’t play with Lego”, and that “boys shouldn’t play house” If a girl does play with Legos, she’s less likely to be praised for her achievements If a boy does play house, he’s more likely to be scolded or corrected Derman-Sparks, Louise.Edwards, Julie Olsen. (2010) Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves /Washington, DC : National Association for the Education of Young Children.

Gender Studies: Results Emotional conflicts Cognitive conflicts Math Self-image Self-worth Result: Men believe that internalizing emotional or cognitive conflict is manly, and women believe that numbers should be hard for them Men eat themselves up over perceived deficits because can’t/won’t check in; women internalize the idea they somehow can’t do things they clearly do quite well

Other demographics Introversion (Lawler, 1984; Holmes et al., in press; Prince, 1989) Trait Anxiety (Topping, 1983) Neurodiversity Learning disorders (diagnosed or no) Racial minorities LGBTQ Young; elderly

Traditional measures of comparison don’t really work in the Tech Industry Traditional measures of comparison don’t really work More uncertainty about valuation in informal context Leadership, team/work culture matter Picture: Different types of skills make a team Lack of formal requirements  What do you value in others? What do others value in you? Can a self-educated nerd hang with academic degrees?

In The Tech Industry (Con’t) Sexual demographic messaging more complex than in most industries E.g. Push for girls in STEAM vs difficulty landing interviews/jobs Younger nerds feel like older nerds know something they don’t about the industry

Consequences - Personal Causes stress, anxiety, depression, etc. Keeps people from asking real questions to improve Keeps people feeling isolated from peers Causes stress, anxiety, depression, etc. “Fake it ‘til you make it” is a tool, not a lifestyle Feels as though always “catching up” or “missing something” others seem to “get”

Consequences - professional Creates rifts between people suffering similar issues Keeps people from stepping up or making suggestions in a meaningful way Inhibits teamwork, project communication, etc Second-guess instincts, cause issue/error

Better communicators make better headway You’re Good Enough You are good enough Own your shit Your toolkit is unique and needed Ask questions Better communicators make better headway Ask questions If you’re missing something, you’ve still caught something other people have missed

How to Help Yourself Write down your strengths/achievements Find a mentor Voice your concerns to therapist or friends regularly Make a point to ask follow-up questions Ask friends for validation Insert self into conversations Communication/socialization classes Write down your strengths for own reference Find a mentor  approach people you professionally respect Voice your concerns to therapist or friends regularly Outside perspective helps Ultimately cannot rely entirely on external validation Make a point to ask follow-up questions Make lists of your achievements Ask friends for validation Insert self into conversations; socialization classes

BELIEVE YOURSELF, YOUR EMPLOYERS, CO- WORKERS, FRIENDS Most Importantly… BELIEVE YOURSELF, YOUR EMPLOYERS, CO- WORKERS, FRIENDS BELIEVE a proportion of your cohort are feeling something similar BELIEVE YOURSELF, YOUR EMPLOYERS, CO-WORKERS, FRIENDS Nerds don’t enable You’re where you are because you’ve earned your place Luck/circumstance only help get you there, you get and keep you there BELIEVE a proportion of your cohort are feeling something similar

How to Help Others Speak openly about insecurities Encourage others to talk over emotional concerns Share strategies REACH BACK. Become a mentor, offer to mentor n00bs Answer questions Validate freely Raise children to understand fluid intelligence/multiple intelligences

Conclusion It’s normal to have imposter syndrome, especially in tech Own your shit Support others in their shit ownage Create the work culture you want to see in the world