Wrong Paths

A male needs to move from simply referring to himself as a man to the active development of his manhood. A male’s identity can be described as being one of several different types of maturity.2 2These concepts have been identified through the work of James Marcia.

Barabbas Mark 15:6-11

He can be seen as having an identity that is CONFUSED because he: Is a poor decision-maker. He often contradicts himself or changes directions, for no apparent reason. Lacks a stable belief structure which would serve to limit his options and to guide his choices. Ignores the importance of values as part of his decision-making process. They may be proclaimed, but he has little intention of allowing values to impact his behavior.

He can be seen as having an identity that is CONFUSED because he: Is unable to guide his emotions. His emotions ebb and flow with the latest environmental tide. His moodiness reigns. Is not trustworthy. He lacks any particular pattern of action that others can reliably anticipate. Is self-focused and does not choose to see beyond himself. Rarely achieves his goals. He fails to delay gratification, recognize a bad risk, or make the effort that is needed to succeed.

He can be seen as having an identity that is CONFUSED because he: Does not understand what his life purpose is and fails to live up to his calling.

He can be seen as having an identity that is PRESCRIBED because he: Lets others define who he is. He lacks creativity as evidenced by his choice to follow behavioral ruts established for him by people other than himself.

“Fake is as old as the Eden tree.” -Orsen Wells

He can be seen as having an identity that is PRESCRIBED because he: Feels hopeless about becoming anything beyond what he already is. He does not expand his horizons or alter his current actions. Experiences depression and boredom. He feels like his entire life has been previously determined, with very few dreams available for him to pursue. Chooses a faith that is shallow. His spiritual beliefs cannot withstand the effects of major stress, nor the questions or challenges of others.

He can be seen as having an identity that is PRESCRIBED because he: Limits his potential. He lacks the motivation to discover new areas of giftedness within himself that can be developed. Is socially threatened by people who are different from him and who may challenge the way he lives. Establishes shallow friendships. He can only be as intimate with others as he is with himself.

He can be seen as having an identity that is PRESCRIBED because he: Is dependent on others to tell him how he should act via external forces (e.g., a prison schedule, a powerful leader, a controlling church). He depends on these outside forces to define himself. Is a good actor and naturally fits into the stories that others have prepared for his life.

He can be seen as having an identity that is IGNORED because he: Avoids fulfilling his innate desire for self-discovery. He makes no effort to understand, develop, or evaluate himself. Lives for the moment. Feeling good in the moment takes precedent over planning for future accomplishments.

He can be seen as having an identity that is IGNORED because he: Uses substances or compulsive activities to cover up his inner voice. He does not hear his soul when it states, “Time is not endless; people are in need; values are important; potential should be developed; personal expectations should be met.” Does not limit the shadow from impulsively doing what it wants.

He can be seen as having an identity that is IGNORED because he: Does not expect his mind to provide him with positive action choices that will meet life’s requirements. He does not appreciate his mind’s… King, whose focus is to do the right thing, for that would be inconvenient. Warrior, as fighting for a cause can be risky and can result in being hurt.

He does not appreciate his mind’s… Friend, whose loyalty, time, and care can be confining. Lover, because for a man to sacrificially give himself away, he has to be strong and not be dependent.

He can be seen as having an identity that is IGNORED because he: Views the value of his work only as a means to provide the resources for his play. This results in very little motivation to complete his work tasks, care for his work team, or to cover his salary. Has a spandex nature which accommodates to the status quo and contributes very little to relationships or to life.

He can be seen as having an identity that is in TRANSITION because he: Is experiencing a crisis where an event or a broken relationship has changed what he defines as a comfortable life. Is feeling a strong sense of panic, as previous patterns of behavior no longer provide a satisfying outcome.

He can be seen as having an identity that is in TRANSITION because he: Experiences significant emotional mood swings which have disrupted his level of confidence. These mood swings signify that he is no longer comfortable with the way things were. Is questioning his previous beliefs and is rethinking his priorities. Is asking others to support him in creating new action patterns.

He can be seen as having an identity that is in TRANSITION because he: Desires to focus on a true manhood change.

In the next Trail, the identity of a knight will be discussed In the next Trail, the identity of a knight will be discussed. The achievement of knighthood makes the pain related to any identity transition well worth it, as it leads a male toward manhood.