The Center for Family Safety and Healing It’s Abuse: Teen Dating Abuse

Framing the Conversation What are you observing? In our society? In your community? With your students?

Dating Violence Common by 7th Grade: Survey Psychological and physical abuse is a common facet of dating for America's adolescents. Researchers who polled more than 1,400 seventh graders found that more than 37% of 11- to 14-year olds had been the victim of some form of psychological violence, and almost one in six said they were victims of physical violence while in an ongoing relationship. 4th bullet shows some opportunities for intervention, learning opportunities to speak up about abusive thought processes.

7th Grade: Survey Cont. 49% said they had been sexually harassed, either physically or verbally, by being touched inappropriately or joked about. 7% percent strongly agreed that it was okay for a boy to hit his girlfriend under certain circumstances, such as "a girl who makes her boyfriend jealous on purpose." Interestingly, 50% strongly agreed that it was OK for a girl to hit her boyfriend in the same situation.

What is Teen Dating Abuse? Abuse is about... Power & Control … A pattern of behaviors where one partner acts to obtain & maintain power & control over the other partner

Extent of the Problem 1 in 3 teen girls & 1 in 5 teen boys is a victim of TDA 1 in 5 tweens say friends are victims of TDA & nearly half know friends who are verbally abused 1 in 3 sexually active teen girls report experiencing physical or sexual violence from partners Only 33% of teens who were in a violent relationship ever told anyone about the abuse. (Teenage Research Unlimited, Technology & Teen Dating Abuse Survey, 2007; Teenage Research Unlimited, Teen Dating Abuse Survey, 2009; Davis, A., MPH. 2008; Decker, M., Silverman, J., Raj, A. 2005; Liz Claiborne Inc. 2005; Teenage Research Unlimited, 2008)

An Abusive Partner… Is usually first Possessive & Isolates the victim Uses Coercive Control to deny or restrict partner’s basic freedoms Imposes control through patterns of coercive & assaultive behavior Makes her fight for freedom of thought / action Bullies the victim into doing things she does/does not want to do or prevents the victim from doing what she wants Entrapment Feels Entitled to special privilege & perceives self as primary importance in the relationship (sense of superiority) Denies, minimizes or justifies behavior Blames their behavior on her Tells the victim it’s her fault that their behavior bothers her When talk about TRV, are talking about the perp Now how can someone have CC over a teen? Explain…

Types of Abusive Behaviors Types of Coercive Control Examples Verbal Humiliation, insults, put downs, constant blaming or dissatisfaction, yelling… Psychological/Emotional Psychological torture, jealousy, crazy-making behavior, threats, intimidation… Sexual Unwanted touching, reproductive coercion, forced sex, using alcohol or drugs to get sex… Physical Hitting, slapping, punching, pinching, strangulation, shoving… Digital Controlling access to technology, excessive or unwanted text messages.

TDA Power & Control Wheel Harmful language Social Standing Technology Intimidation Minimizing, Denying, Blaming Threats Sexual Coercion, Assault, Harassment Exclusion Physical Violence

Warning Signs of an Abused Teen Make changes in daily rituals Retreat from school or activities and experience isolation or withdraw from friends/family Making changes in clothing/appearance or wear clothing inappropriate for the weather to hide marks Having visible marks or bruises Exhibit anxiety, depression, or engage in substance abuse or other high risk behaviors Receive excessive or unwanted texting, calls, or emails

Warning Signs of an Abusive Teen Exhibit dependence on or obsession about gf/bf Be overly concerned with where their gf/bf is and with whom they are talking or spending time, may follow them or track their contact with others Make excessive and/or unwanted texts, calls or emails to the same person Use technology to stalk the person with whom they are involved Exhibit a controlling attitude toward others, or the person with whom they are involved Rationalize their monitoring, controlling, manipulative, violent or abusive behavior

Select YES or NO for each of the 10 questions. YES/NO Activity Select YES or NO for each of the 10 questions. You must pick ONE side. 

All of your students are at risk for relationship abuse. YES/NO Activity All of your students are at risk for relationship abuse.

YES/NO Activity Anger problems, drugs and/or alcohol are the reasons that your student is abusive.

YES/NO Activity Your student is in a same sex relationship so they don’t have to worry about relationship abuse..

YES/NO Activity If your student was in an abusive relationship, she would just leave it.

YES/NO Activity Your student will be safer as soon as she leaves an abusive relationship.

YES/NO Activity Your student is likely to return to an abusive relationship, even if you help him leave it.

YES/NO Activity Most parents believe that teen dating abuse isn’t an issue or admit that they don’t know if it’s an issue.

YES/NO Activity If your student is physically or sexually abused, she is six times more likely to become pregnant and three times as likely to get an STI.

YES/NO Activity You and your staff would be able to tell if someone is abusive just by looking at him/her.

YES/NO Activity Your student is more likely to talk to their friends than someone like you.

Bottom Line: Your Role Recognize, Respond, Refer Safety Planning E sets all the rules and when Z breaks a rule, he retaliates E says she’s immature, etc.

Tips for Talking with Victims/Survivors Do you feel safe in your relationship? Do you feel comfortable disagreeing with him/her? Do you feel you can spend as much time as you want with friends? I might have to tell the following people or organizations if you share details about abuse. I believe you. People care about you. It’s not your fault. Telling someone you have experienced abuse and need help doesn’t make you weak.

Safety Planning Being the target of someone else’s behavior is nothing to feel ashamed, judged or embarrassed about. I am concerned for your safety. You may be afraid the abuse will get worse if you tell someone. But it is actually likely to get worse over time on its own; being alone in this increases danger for you.

Interactive Safety Planning from www.loveisrepect.org

Barriers to Disclosure Feelings of shame or self-blame Low self-esteem Loss of trust Unaware that acts are inappropriate, confusion Threats May think abuse is normal/deserved Believe professionals will not take them seriously

Barriers to Identification Lack of awareness of prevalence / severity Not knowing how to intervene or what to say Difficulty dealing with victim’s emotions Too busy / not enough time to deal with situation 81% of parents don’t think that teen dating abuse is an issue or admit that they don’t know if it’s an issue

Reproductive Coercion

Reproductive Coercion Reproductive Coercion is defined as behaviors related to reproductive health that one partner uses to maintain power and control in a relationship. Explicit attempts to impregnate a partner against her wishes Controlling the outcomes of a pregnancy Coercing a partner to have unprotected sex Interfering with birth control methods

Reproductive Coercion Resources There are a number of resources provided by Futures without Violence: Hanging Out or Hooking Up Resource Cards Futures Without Violence Toolkit: http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/content/features/detail/2118/ Ask for examples. exploring pregnancy intentions and behaviors of partners of sexually active adolescents may help to identify youth experiencing IPV Coercion: preventing victim’s reproductive choice

Prevalence, Power, Prevention Teens and Technology Prevalence, Power, Prevention

How digital technology is used to abuse and harass teens Power and Control How digital technology is used to abuse and harass teens

Power and Control Teens with access to Internet on their smartphones are more likely to be sexually active and twice as likely to engage in sexual activities with someone they met online. 50% of teens believe that computers and cell phones make abuse more likely to occur in teen dating relationships and make it easier to conceal from parents.

Power and Control 1 in 3 teens say they are text messaged up to 30 times an hour by a partner or ex-partner inquiring where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with. 1 in 4 teens has been called names, harassed, or put down by a partner through cell phones and texting.

Power and Control Only 9% of teens who are experiencing digital abuse seek help, and rarely from parents or teachers. Victims of cyber bullying were almost three times as likely to also experience digital dating abuse or harassment. LGBTQ youth reported much higher rates of digital dating abuse and cyber bullying than heterosexual youth.

Power and Control 96% of teens experiencing digital abuse and harassment also experience other forms of violence or abuse from their partner. 2.4x more likely to be PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED 2.5x more likely to be PHYSICALLY ABUSED 5x more likely to be SEXUALLY COERCED

Prevention What can you do?

Prevention • Don’t respond to hostile, harassing, abusive or inappropriate texts or messages. Responding can encourage the person who sent the message. Your messages might also get you in trouble and make it harder to get a restraining order or file a criminal report. • Save or document troublesome texts as you may need them later for evidence in case you file a criminal report or ask for a restraining order. • Many phone companies can block up to ten numbers from texting or calling you. Contact your phone company or check their website to see if you can do this on your phone.

Prevention Circle of 6 An app for iPhone and Android that aids in dating abuse prevention by connecting teens with a network of trusted friends using GPS technology, anti-violence hotlines, and other online resources.

Prevention OnWatch An app for iPhone and Android that provides phone, text, e-mail and social media access to connect teens with their own network, school administrators, or emergency services.

Prevention One Love A screening tool for students, family and friends to assess risk in relationships. In addition, it provides access to resources designed specifically for high school and college students.

Prevention http://www.loveisrespect.org 1 in 4 teens in a relationship communicated with their partner by cell phone or text messaging hourly between midnight and 5 am. Teens can text “loveis” to 22522 for 24/7 chat support from peer advocates. In addition, the service offers tips about how to be safe on smartphones.

Love is Not Abuse Digital Dating Simulator Prevention Love is Not Abuse Digital Dating Simulator 67% of parents were unaware that their teens had dating partners check up on them 30 times a day on their phones.

Additional Resources CHOICES – Crisis Hotline & Shelter (614) 224-4663 www.choicescolumbus.org Huckleberry House (614) 294-5553 Text “SAFE” & your location to 69886 www.huckhouse.org BRAVO (LGBTQ Anti-Violence) (614) 268-9622 www.bravo-ohio.org That’s Not Cool www.thatsnotcool.com

Questions??? Contact Information: Caitlin Tully 614-722-8308 Caitlin.tully@familysafetyandhealing.org Thank you!!