HEART Helping teens have positive and healthy relationships Understanding the needs of teens in relationships Beginning a dialogue with teens to discuss relationships

HEART Teen relationships are starting at young ages They are often secret from parents and even friends They tend to become very intense quickly The chances of them lasting are very small

HEART We tend to think that relationships are natural and we “just know” how to do them-uh oh-that means we are usually in for trouble Many teens have not gotten good role models of relationships and they may repeat the patterns they have been exposed to

HEART In addition, teens usually don’t ask for advice-sooo they often get into trouble and have no idea of how to fix things This is why HEART is important-the program provides information and skills and also hopefully opens up a dialogue for help and advice

HEART When do teens start dating? There is no best age for teens to start dating. Every person will be ready for a dating relationship at a different time. Different families may have their own rules about dating, too. Dating should happen because you care about someone and not because other people are dating. A dating relationship is a special chance to get to know someone, and it should happen only when you are really ready

HEART Unfortunately, many teens get into relationships for less than healthy reasons-what are some of them? What are the components of a good relationship? Communication, honesty and respect Unfortunately, many teen relationships don’t start like that

HEART They tend to start for other reasons-physical chemistry, peer pressure, neediness, loneliness, wanting to belong, sexual pressure and tension These reasons make the relationships more fragile and vulnerable to problems and abuse

What are some dangers of these relationships? HEART What are some dangers of these relationships? Consider these alarming facts about teen dating relationships (ages 13-19) revealed in a national 2009 survey: 47 percent reported experiencing controlling behaviors, such as pressure to do things or a partner telling them how to dress. 24 percent reported technology abuse, such as 20 or more calls per hour, or calls or texts between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m. 80 percent reported knowing someone their age who had been abused. 80 percent talked to a friend about the abuse, but only 32 percent of teens talked to their parents. (Source: Impact of the Economy and Parent/Teen Dialogue on Dating Relationships and Abuse, Liz Claiborne Inc., 2009.)

HEART So we need to help teens learn about what relationships are, for, need, and do. We need to set up systems of help, support, and information Do we need to be able to monitor relationships so we can intervene if we spot oncoming problems? If so, why and how?

HEART Sex often becomes a part of the relationship Sex can lead to unwanted pregnancy, single parenting, staying in the relationship long after it is viable, and a child not having the love and support that it deserves

HEART Teens are engaging in sex at younger and younger ages. Peer pressure and the media only contribute to a teen's desire to form a sexual relationship early. Sex between teens often occurs in the afternoon, when parents are at work and homes are empty. To help prevent sexual acts from occurring, it's recommended that a household rule is to keep the teenager's bedroom door open when they have company over. Parents should also occasionally stop in the house in the middle of the day or when their kids are out of school, so that the teen knows the house won't always be empty.

What is the HEART program? An eight session program designed to provide information, skills, and help to teens thinking about or involved in a relationship Heart discusses important issues of relationships and hopefully opens up a dialogue between teens and adults HEART has been designed to be a preventive tool –by providing tools and information about healthy relationships

HEART HEART OVERVIEW Part One-What is a relationship? What are the parts of a relationship? Part Two-What makes a relationship good? What makes a relationship bad? Part Three-How do healthy relationships develop? How do you know when you are in an unhealthy relationship? Part Four-How do males and females differ in what they expect/want from a relationship. What are the conflicts and how can they be managed? Part Five-What about sex? What are the responsibilities and obligations of being in a sexual relationship? Part Six-Listening and communicating-how to do them well. Part Seven-Conflicts, how to have them and how to learn from them Part Eight-When endings happen, ways to do them well and with respect

HEART So, what do we do next? We model “Self Responsibility” always We continue to model good relationships We make ourselves available for information and support We encourage, not criticize We constantly upgrade our own relationship skills We work hard to understand and respond to the needs of our teens We hand out and support the movement of kindness as the replacement for meanness