Jane Evans Tuning In Beyond Trauma © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

My Passion for Parenting…….. In our homes and hearts is where the greatest change can happen to influence what children learn about how to treat others, and how they deserve to be treated. © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy WHAT LED TO TUNING IN My childhood My parenting experience Caring for traumatised children in my own home Being a domestic violence & abuse parenting worker Awareness of inter-generational cycle of trauma & abuse © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Parenting using Tuning In Early Brain trauma Effects on Development/ Behaviour Reactive brain Reduced ability to form relationships Parenting using conditional model Lack of emotional development/empathy © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Parenting: Then & Now Then Now Children should be seen & not heard Spare the rod and spoil the child Children must do as they are told Parents should smack To much affection spoils a child Children’s voices are important Children do not benefit from harsh parenting Children are emotionally harmed by smacking Children benefit from affection & attention © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Development: Then & Now Tabula rasa – children are born as a blank canvas Babies/young children are not adversely affected by their environment It’s all about the genes Children are just children Pre-birth experience is very formative Children’s development is directly affected by their environment Epigenetics Children are ‘research & development’ experts © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Children & Trauma: Then & Now It goes over children’s heads Children just ‘get over it’ They were upstairs/in another room Children are always impacted by exposure to repetitive trauma Children do not & can not ‘just get over it’ Hearing & being around violence and other trauma has a direct effect on brain development © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy The Brain © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

THE TRIUNE BRAIN Part 1 – The Reptilian Brain Part 2 – The Limbic System/Mammalian Brain Part 3 – The Neo-cortex “Maclean’s (1990) concept of the triune brain is a useful starting point……. He distinguished the reptilian brain, the limbic system, and the neocortex” in Music, G (2011) © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

BRAIN 100 billion neurons Develops from the inside out & bottom upwards Organisation & construction is “use- dependent” (Perry, 2006) Is most open to being moulded in the baby & infant stages © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Trauma & Attachment © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Why attachment matters so much Depending on a child’s experience with their main carer/s they may learn that others are unavailable, unpredictable, unresponsive and that essentially they are unlovable. This can become their template for relationships & belief system about themselves. © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Bruce D. Perry tells us: “It is a rare and strong person that can carry their trauma without having it spill into the next generation.” WWW.ChildTrauma.org © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Trauma is……. A more overwhelming event than a person would ordinarily be expected to encounter Source: American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, <www.aacap.org> Repeated exposure to stress and trauma leaves it mark to a lesser or greater degree. © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Types of Trauma Complex trauma Family violence Medical trauma Natural disasters Community and school violence Neglect Physical abuse Sexual abuse Traumatic grief Refugee and war zone trauma Source: Adapted from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network, www.nctsn.org © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Toxic Trio Childhood trauma Mental illness Substance misuse Domestic abuse © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Tuning In Beyond Trauma © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Traditional Parenting may ‘work’ for children in loving homes Children who are punished/’consequenced’ or incentivised into behaving well will generally respond and comply If they otherwise have a strong emotional connection with caring adults then they may not be too adversely affected They may function and cope with this use of external stimuli to ensure conforming behaviours © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy GOOD?????? BAD?????? SPITTING DROPING A TOY DOWN THE STAIRS HIDING FOOD/MONEY UNDER THE BED HITTING SHOUTING SHOVELLING FOOD IN SPITTING DROPING A TOY DOWN THE STAIRS HIDING FOOD/MONEY UNDER THE BED HITTING SHOUTING SHOVELLING FOOD IN © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Tuning In is trauma & attachment informed parenting © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Need to understand a child or parent’s trauma story Initial work needs to be about taking time to understand the ‘trauma journey’ Genuine listening and curiosity with out prying At their pace Do your homework! Try not to assume, even if you have had a similar experience, that you ‘know’ © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

You don’t know but you need too © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Explore it and pass it on! Begin or carry on with your journey to understand the effects of trauma on: Brain development Attachment relationships Behaviour Emotional connections Emotional intelligence © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Tuning In What it is about – calmness, kindness, teaching, nurturing, acceptance, and working with the child – keeps them in thinking brain & builds connection to care giver Learning with out fear – put a child in the ‘frozen fear’ zone & they are using their primitive brain not their thinking brain!! © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Tuning In An Alternative to... Time outs Rewards/ incentives Punishments Consequences Praise Shame © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Tuning In is about…. Respect Listen Be Real Positive Spin Apologise © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy From today I will…… Share with your partner the ONE thing you will keep/do differently in your parenting work after today???? Record on 3 post it’s one for you, one for them and one to stick on the wall © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Great folks!! Bruce Perry Louise Bomber Daniel Siegel Kate Cairns Dan Hughes Graham Music Alfie Kohn All of you!!!!! © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy The Good News! “Neuroscientists now tell us that in the presence of a ‘good enough’ other – for example, a foster carer, and adoptive parent, a therapist, a mentor, a teaching assistant – that a new and more sophisticated neural pathways can be formed in the child’s developing brain, and new patterns of relating and behaving can emerge.” (P.58 Bomber, L. (2007) London: Worthing Publishing Ltd.) © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Story book for children post domestic violence © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy Jane is a Trauma Parenting Specialist and has created: Tuning In Beyond Trauma Training for carers, adoptive parents & professionals Tuning In Parenting Course to meet specific needs of parents, carers or children with complex trauma and attachment needs Jane is also author of How are you feeling today Baby Bear? published by Jessica Kingsley, which begins to look at feelings around living with domestic © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy

Twitter: @janeparenting Tend and nurture a child’s emotions and they will grow to reach for the sky. janeevans61@hotmail.co.uk Twitter: @janeparenting www.parentingposttrauma.co.uk © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy