Loving More through Love Languages by Jody Capehart First Friday October 5, 2012 www. jodycapehart.com Head of School at Grace Academy of North Texas

What is “Love”? Love is a many splendored thing Love is the most used word Love is the most abused word Love is the most desired word Love is the most confused word, So, “What is love?” 2

I believe there are layers to how each of us process and learn which reveals how we are uniquely created by God! Process Information Learning Styles Preferences Brain Research Personalities DISC

Personalities: DISC Model Personality Inslghts

Personalities! Dynamic Donna Fun Loving Feebie Steady Sandy Conscientious Connie, Perfectionist Patty Steady Sandy Personalities!

We learn differently… Are you a Visual Vi? Are you an Auditory Audrey? Are you a Tactual Tina? Are you a Kinesthetic Karen?

How do you process information? Are you a Concrete Sequential Connie? Do you need things to be organized sequential predictable www.jodycapehart.com

Are you a… Global Gladys? Analytic Al?

I pondered…. www.jodycapehart.com

Because, you see, I have assessments such as… www.jodycapehart.com

My Story

“Just 5 easy questions, dear!”

Question: “What fills up your love tank?” Words of affirmation? Quality time? Giving and receiving gifts? Acts of service? Physical touch? www.jodycapehart.com

Fill ‘er up please! Keeping the love tank full! Just 5 easy questions. How hard can this be? I had a captive audience….. 25 20 15 10 5 5 10 15 20 25 www.jodycapehart.com

Turning point in MY life! Was blind, but now I see!

These are the 5 Love Languages: Words of affirmation Quality time Giving and receiving gifts Acts of service Physical touch www.jodycapehart.com

Love Language # 1 “Talking” Words of Affirmation “The tongue has the power of life and death.” (Proverbs 18:21) Words are powerful communicators of love. The word encourage means to inspire courage.

Encouraging Words For your mate For your child For your parents For your friends For your co-workers For your boss For those you don’t like so much….

Words of Affirmation are: Words that convey empathy Words of kindness Words of encouragement Words of forgiveness

Lookin’ for the Signs: They encourage others easily, naturally, and sincerely. Their ‘inner flower’ wilts when they are around negative people. Their ‘inner flower’ blooms and they lit up when they are encouraged.

and, of an empty love tank

Story of the Babbling Brook and The Dead Sea

Kids “Talking” Today www.jodycapehart.com

# 2: Quality Time My Report card: F

What they need: Love is spelled T-I-M-E! Focused attention Being together Quality conversation Eye-contact www.jodycapehart.com

Multi-tasking Cell phone interruptions Watching TV Texting

The irony…. I was giving “Gifts of Time” to my children without even realizing it…

I needed to fill up my husband’s “TIME” Love Tank:

#3: Giving and Receiving Gifts Giving gifts Receiving gifts Gifts are visual symbols of love Gifts that showed you were thinking of the other person Not the value but the thought and time taken

What are some signs? They give meaningful gifts They delight in the tiniest of “gifts” if they believe they reflect you were thinking of them. As children, they make you presents.

What drains the Token Tank? Gifts without meaning Presents without their presence Disagreements about $

A true story about a big anniversary: Both loved each other She wanted… He gave… He wanted… She gave… Both came home with empty love tanks even though they really loved each other. Sad tale but ever so true. www.jodycapehart.com

# 4: Acts of Service Up and beyond the norm Doing the unexpected Serving without being asked “Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.” (Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman page 92) www.jodycapehart.com

To whom do we serve? Mates Children Friends Neighbors Co-workers Those in need Those who can never do anything back for us.

Signs of the Love Language of “Acts of Service” They love helping others They “light up” when you do something for them They “shut down” when acts of service are not present

#5 is: Physical Touch Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate love… or hate.

Signs of the Love Language of Touch: In a child In a teen In an adult In a marriage In older people www.jodycapehart.com

Testimony Time He said, “In our dating, I had always taken the initiative on kissing and hugging. She was always responsive. After we got married, she never wanted anything physical. I took it personally. I felt rejected, unwanted, and unloved. I withdrew completely.

The other side of the story… She said, “When we were dating, I thought all the physical affection was how he showed me he loved me. After we got married, it seemed that all he could think about was sex. Did he love me, or just my body? Did he want to spend time with me or just have sex?

God is always ‘right on’! “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:32-33 ESV) Suggested Reading: Ephesians 5 For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn www.jodycapehart.com

Wrapping it up with an easy way to remember: Talking: Words of Affirmation Time: Quality Time Towel: Acts of Service Tokens: Giving and Receiving Gifts Touch: Appropriate Physical Touch www.jodycapehart.com

What is your love language? Talk? Time? Towel? Tokens or Touch? “I feel most loved when… We usually love others in our love language and feel most loved when it is returned in the same language. www.jodycapehart.com

How to tell the Love Language of others: Look for how your loved one shows love. If you aren’t sure, love in one language for a week at a time and watch how the person responds. Look for signs of what fills up their “Love Tank” www.jodycapehart.com

How to best love those with the Love Language of “Words of Affirmation” Communicate: Kind Words Positive, affirming words Do: Send encouraging notes Avoid: Critical words

How to best love those with the Love Language of “Quality Time” Communicate: One-on-one time Without interruptions Do: Spend time together Avoid: Times apart Spending too much time time with others www.jodycapehart.com

How to best love those with the Love Language of “Acts of Service” Communicate: Action words: I will! What else can I do? Do: Help with chores Avoid: Not doing your part or waiting to be asked

How to best love those with the Love Language of “Giving and Receiving Gifts” Communicate: You are thinking of them Do: Give gifts for special times and also, just because you are thinking of them Avoid: Forgetting special and significant dates

How to best love those with the Love Language of “Physical Touch” Communicate: Lots of non-verbals Do: Touch often, lovingly, and appropriately Avoid: Physical neglect or abuse

Look for the signs… If you are married: What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? What have you most requested of your spouse?

What not to do: Withhold love in their love language when you are angry with them For children: use their love language to punish them for disobedience www.jodycapehart.com

Remember… Love is a choice. Choose to give love outside of your love language because you love someone and want them to know it! “Love doesn’t erase the past but it makes the future different.” Dr. Gary Chapman

Resources: Love Languages Books by Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages for Couples Love Languages for Children Love Languages for Teens

Books by Jody www.jodycapehart.com

If I can be of service to you, your women’s ministry, church or school, you may contact me at: Jody Capehart jody.capehart@verizon.net 214-597-2904 www.jodycapehart.com www.schoolwhisperer.com www.jodycapehart.com