Attraction, Affiliation and Love Lecture 10 Attraction, Affiliation and Love

Outline Attraction and Liking Love Attachment Equity Theory Interpersonal Communication Relationship Dissolution

Interpersonal Attraction The attitudes we form about other people, expressed along a dimension ranging from like to dislike.

Factors Influencing Attraction Proximity (propinquity) Repeated Exposure Similarity Affective State Physical Attractiveness Reciprocal Positive Evaluations

Frequency of Exposure and Liking in the Classroom (from Moreland & Beach, 1992) Attraction Rating # of Times the RA came to Class

Likability of Target Person as a Function of their Pick-Up Line Type of Pick-Up Line

Evaluation of candidate as a function of participants’ mood and knowledge of political issues (Ottati & Isbell, 1996)

What is Love? Companionate vs. Passionate Love Love Styles (Lee, 1976; Hendrick & Hendrick, 1992) Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1986, 1987)

Companionate vs. Passionate Love Companionate Love The affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined Passionate Love A state of intense longing for union with another. Passionate lovers are absorbed in one another, feel ecstatic at attaining their partner’s love, and are disconsolate on losing it.

Love Styles (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1992) Eros passionate physical appearance Ludus game-playing no commitment Storge friendship slow-moving to commitment Mania possessive obsessive Agape altruistic gentle, caring, dutiful Pragma pragmatic match on vital statistics

The Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1988) Commitment Passion Intimacy

Emotions and Misattribution The Two-Factor Theory of Emotion (Schachter & Singer, 1962) Experience physiological arousal Try to explain the arousal. Misattribution of Arousal The process whereby people mistakenly infer what causes them to feel the way they do

What is Love? Prototypical close relationship between 2 adults (Hazan & Shaver, 1994) Sexual system Concomitant feelings of excitement and physical gratification Care-giving Desire to protect the other, to offer comfort and to receive comfort Attachment Emotional bond between two people that keeps them close both physically and emotionally

Attachment Parent-child relationships Secure Avoidant Characterized by trust, a lack of concern with being abandoned and the view that one is worthy and well liked Avoidant Characterized by a suppression of attachment needs Anxious/ambivalent Characterized by a concern that others will not reciprocate one’s desire for intimacy, resulting in higher-than-average levels of anxiety

Attachment 2 Kinds of Avoidant Attachment (Bartholomew, 1990; Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991) Fearful Avoidant Characterized by avoidance of close relationships because of mistrust and fears of being hurt Dismissive Avoidant Characterized by claims of self-sufficiency and no need for close relationships

Social Exchange and Equity Theories Social exchange theory states that how people feel about their relationships will depend on their perception of the rewards they receive from the relationship and their perception of the costs they incur, as well as their perception of what kind of relationship they deserve and the probability that they could have a better relationship with someone else.

Social Exchange Theories In other words, the basic concepts of social exchange theory are reward, cost, outcome, comparison level, and comparison level for alternatives (Thibaut & Kelly, 1959). The outcome of a relationship is based on rewards minus costs. If this is negative, the relationship is not in good shape.

Social Exchange Theories How satisfied you are with your relationship depends on your comparison level. Comparison level: people’s expectations about the level of rewards and punishments they deserve in a relationship. If a given relationship doesn’t match the expected comparison level, people will be unhappy and unsatisfied.

Social Exchange Theories How satisfied you are with your relationship also depends on your comparison level for alternatives. Comparison level for alternatives: People’s expectations about the level of rewards and punishments they would receive in an alternative relationship.

Equity Theory Equity theory holds that people are happiest with relationships in which the rewards and costs a person experiences and the contributions he/she makes to the relationship are roughly equal to the rewards, costs, and contributions of the other person.

Social Exchange in Long-Term Relationships The investment model of relationships holds that people’s commitment to a relationship depends on their satisfaction with the relationship in terms of i) the rewards, costs, and comparison level ii) their comparison level for alternatives iii) how much they have invested in the relationship that would be lost by leaving it

© 2001 Pearson Education Canada Inc.

© 2001 Pearson Education Canada Inc.

Relationship Dissolution Ways of coping with a failing relationship (Rusbult et al., 1986, 1987) Loyalty Neglect Voice

Relationship Dissolution, Cont. Strategies to end a relationship (Baxter, 1982) Withdrawal/avoidance Positive tone Manipulation Open confrontation