I. Conflict A difference that prevents agreement

II. Myths All conflict is bad All conflict can be resolved Conflict resolution is about everyone winning.

III. Types of Conflict Resources Styles Perceptions Expectations

A. Resources Conflict over limited things. an object a person a position

how to put toilet paper on B. Styles Conflict over how people do things. how to drive how to put toilet paper on

C. Perceptions Conflict over how people see things. Optimist: Finds the bright-side Trusts people Pessimist: Assumes things will go wrong Doesn’t trust people for fun or keep track of score?

D. Expectations Conflict over what people think you and others should do Make good friends Don’t hang out with people you’ve got homework Get your homework done Go to bed on time Get all A’s Take harder classes

IV. Conflict Management Styles Google “Conflict Resolution Questionnaire” http://academic.engr.arizona.edu/vjohnson/ConflictManagementQuestionnaire/ConflictManagementQuestionnaire.asp

IV. Conflict Management Styles Avoid Accommodate Compete Compromise Collaborate

IV. Conflict Management Styles

1. Avoid You lose – they lose or win Not working toward your goals or their goals. You lose – they lose or win It doesn’t matter to you as long as you can stay out of conflict Cons: -You don’t get what you want. -You keep them from knowing how you feel. -Builds resentment Pros: -Good to avoid trivial conflict Ex: You don’t mention your date to your sister, so she just takes the car. *PASSIVE AGGRESSION

Passive Aggression Avoiding the conflict but engaging in indirect expression of hostility You lose but feel better about losing– they lose or win Pros: -Sometimes it feels good to get secret revenge Cons: -You don’t get what you want. -You keep them from knowing how you feel. -You will destroy all your relationships. Ex: You don’t mention your date to your sister, and you put a rotten egg in the car.

2. Accommodating You lose – they win Helping others get what they want. You lose – they win Pros: -It’s good to let others have their way sometimes. -You’re may be considered a nice person Cons: -You don’t get what you want. -You’re may be considered a pushover -Builds resentment Ex: You tell your sister that you’ll clean the car for her so she can go to her movie.

3. Competing You win – they lose Making conflict about you winning. Pros: -You have a good chance of getting your way -Can inspire hard work Cons: -You don’t care about what others want -People may either not want to engage with you or conflict may get nasty Ex: You race to the car and drive off, leaving sister behind in tears.

4. Compromising Everyone wins a bit and loses a bit Finding a middle-ground where everyone can partially get what they want. Everyone wins a bit and loses a bit Pros: -Everyone is kind of happy. Cons: -No one got everything they wanted Ex: You go on a shorter date and get the car home in time for sister to go out after movie.

5. Collaborating You win – they win Working together so that everyone gets what they want. You win – they win Cons: -Time-consuming -Both parties have to be willing. -Not always a clear solution -Requires a lot of creativity Pros: -Everyone wins. -Everyone is happy. Ex: You and your sister drive to go take grandma’s car that she isn’t using so that you both have cars.