One-Page Memoir Revisions Revisions will be collected and graded for points to ensure that you followed all of the steps in the revision and editing process.

Opening Sentence Each teammate at the table should read their opening sentence. If any sentences begin the same way, you should revise your opening sentence (it’s not original then). Does it begin with “It was a cold, rainy day in September”? Check to see if you opening sentence throws the reader into the narrative quickly and clearly. Check to see if your opening sentence is descriptive. Does it appeal to the senses? Use interesting adjectives? (no sunny, warm, quiet, etc.)

Parts of Speech- Highlight all of them Did you add three specific adjectives to your memoir? If so, are they adjectives like beautiful, sunny, rainy, sad, etc. Change them to be more specific and original. Did you add three specific adverbs in your memoir? If not, you should add them when you are describing your actions or dialogue or others’ actions or dialogue. Did you ad three strong verbs in your memoir? Verbs that indicate action and that specifically describe what is going on?

Question flood Share your memoir with a person at your table. Put your name at the top of their paper. Ask the author of the memoir questions to help them include more detail. Questions like: When did that happen? How did you get injured? How were you feeling then? Why did you react that way?

STAR Strategy Consider the feedback from your peer and decide what you are going to keep and what you are going to get rid of. Make sure to label each of the following. You need three Substitutions (change out words for better selections that are more specific or descriptive) You need two take-outs. Eliminate some phrases, sentences, or words that are not adding anything to your memoir. You need two additions. Take two of the questions your peer asked and answer them in your memoir. You need one rearrange. Move a sentence, paragraph, or phrase to another part of your paper and see if it works better.

Answering the prompt Does your story include the unknown? Star areas in your memoir that show you entering into the unknown (a new situation, new team, new school, etc.) Does your story show something about you as a person? Does it state that information explicitly or implicitly? Underline the sentence or two that shows something about your personality. Does your sentence look like this? If it does, change it. This experience shows that I am an adventurous person and I like to try new things. This time in my life has taught me to play it safe, because the risk is just not worth it.

Emotional tension What emotions do you focus on in your story? Highlight them in your memoir. Are your emotions specific? If they are words like “fun, sad, happy, tired, nervous, nice, etc., change them to something more interesting. Do you explicitly explain how you felt in that situation? If so, you might want to think about using body language, dialogue, eye movement, etc. instead of coming out and telling your reader how you felt. It will make it more interesting than saying “I was sad.”

Sympathetic main character Underline where in the text you demonstrate that you are a sympathetic main character, someone the reader will want to root for, meet, look up to, etc. If not, did you describe yourself or focus on someone else too much? If not, did you detail the experience too much and leave out your feelings or reactions? If not, did you show the reader what you learned from this experience or how it changed you?

Vividly described scenes Check your paper to see if you describe the scene in detail. What did it smell like? What did you look like? Where did it happen? What was the atmosphere in the room, field, etc. How did it feel? What did it taste like? How do you remember it?