Middlesex County Vocational Schools Perth Amboy Campus Raising Healthy Children Does Climate Really Matter? December 13, 2017 George Scott, Center for Counseling Services Office: 609-771-0444 Cell: 609-915-0684

We All Wear Masks Sometimes:

to show the world a different face We All Wear Masks Sometimes: to show the world a different face

to show the world a different face to hide the real story of our life We All Wear Masks Sometimes: to show the world a different face to hide the real story of our life

Some masks are just for fun…

Other masks are intended to hide the pain…

What faces live behind those masks?

What faces live behind those masks?

Or it is these?

Or it is these?

Or these?

It all begins here…..

And then here…

What did you notice that was similar in each picture? Look again…

And it goes on….and on….and on…

Human touch, hugs and cuddles, are important to our survival.

And then, for some of our children, life’s direction changes…

But, what happened? How did some of our children grow up only to arrive here?

So, what happened? How did some of our children grow up only to arrive here? • drinking and drugging to numb the pain

So, what happened? How did some of our children grow up only to arrive here? • drinking and drugging to numb the pain • cutting or burning to relieve the hurt

So, what happened? How did some of our children grow up only to arrive here? • drinking and drugging to numb the pain • cutting or burning to relieve the hurt • failing in spite of immense potential

So, what happened? How did some of our children grow up only to arrive here? • drinking and drugging to numb the pain • cutting or burning to relieve the hurt • failing in spite of immense potential • isolating and avoiding

So, what happened? How did some of our children grow up only to arrive here? • drinking and drugging to numb the pain • cutting or burning to relieve the hurt • failing in spite of immense potential • isolating and avoiding • inflicting harm on others

So, what happened? How did some of our children grow up only to arrive here? • drinking and drugging to numb the pain • cutting or burning to relieve the hurt • failing in spite of immense potential • isolating and avoiding • inflicting harm on others • wanting and trying to end their life

So, what happened? How did some of our children grow up only to arrive here? • drinking and drugging to numb the pain • cutting or burning to relieve the hurt • failing in spite of immense potential • isolating and avoiding • inflicting harm on others • wanting and trying to end their life • Dying by Suicide

All of these behaviors should be see as a RED FLAG to adults.

All of these behaviors should be see as a RED FLAG to adults All of these behaviors should be see as a RED FLAG to adults. All of these behaviors let us know that our children, behind whatever mask they ware, are experiencing deep emotional pain.

All of these behaviors should be see as a RED FLAG to adults All of these behaviors should be see as a RED FLAG to adults. All of these behaviors let us know that our children, behind whatever mask they ware, are experiencing deep emotional pain. All of these behaviors are intended for us to pay attention, gently ask, and look for solutions. They are not to be ignored.

Research suggests… that approximately 25% of American children will experience at least one traumatic event by the age 16. A child’s reaction to trauma can interfere considerably with learning and/or behavior at school. …schools can serve as a critical system of support for children who have experienced trauma. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network

Traumatic Events Neglect Emotional, physical and sexual abuse Domestic Violence Addictions in the family Harsh and demeaning language toward others Exposure to suicide attempts and deaths Lack of appropriate supervision Being a bully and being bullied

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of the largest investigations ever conducted (more than 17,000 participants) to assess associations between childhood maltreatment and later-life health and well-being. The ACE Study findings suggest that certain experiences are major risk factors for the leading causes of illness and death as well as poor quality of life in the United States.

Let’s consider the experiences many of our students have had that can negatively affect school performance and healthy living. Keep in mind that many of us have also experienced similar experiences in our childhoods. Of the following 10 questions, how many apply to students you know, or will know, and how many apply to you? A score of 4 or more is significant.

Ask Yourself While you were growing up, during your first 18 years of life: Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… swear at you, insult you, put you down or humiliate you? Or… act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? Or… ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?

touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? Or… 3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever… touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? Or… attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?

4. Did you often or very often feel that… no one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? Or… your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

Did you often or very often feel that… you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? Or… your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?

6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced?

Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? Or… sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? Or… ever repeatedly hit at for least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?

8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs?

9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

10. Did a household member go to prison?

So what?

Got an ACE score of 4 or more?

Got an ACE score of 4 or more Got an ACE score of 4 or more? Your child’s risk of developing depression is 46 times greater than if there is a score of 0.

Your child’srisk of suicide increases 1200% Got an ACE score of 4 or more? Your child’srisk of suicide increases 1200%

Academic Common Stress Responses of Children or Teens Inability to focus or concentrate Failing or declining grades Incomplete or poor quality work Increased absences or refusal to go to school Forgetfulness, memory loss Inattentiveness Daydreaming

Is there anything I can do as a parent? How does this happen? Is there anything I can do as a parent? Does RESILIENCY have anything to do with it?

HOW DO WE NURTURE RESILIENCY??

Let’s focus on just 2: Safety Belonging and love

Structure, Order, Predictability, Stability Safety needs Structure, Order, Predictability, Stability

Belonging and love needs Affection, hugs, safe connections

And I’ll add a third

Contribution to Family Responsibility, Cooperation, Everyone has a Role

Contribution to Family Responsibility, Cooperation, Everyone has a Role

SAFETY FOR OUR CHILDREN MEANS Creating a safe classroom/home physically and emotionally Nurturing attachments Avoiding shame and embarrassment Avoiding negative judgment and harsh language Being predictable Affirming the value of the children Never giving up Always believing change is possible

Can children thrive in spite of this? Having the presence of at least one significant, trusted adult can make a difference: Family member Neighbor Faith leader TEACHER Coach Youth group leader (Boys/Girls Club, Scouts, 4H)

Today, it seems… We have more of a different kind of learner…

So then perhaps… We need more of a different kind of EDUCATOR…SCHOOL ADULT… ADMINISTRATOR

New Jersey Hopeline 1-855-654-6735 Resources New Jersey Hopeline 1-855-654-6735

2nd Floor Youth Helpline 888-222-2228

How will you create sanctuary in your home?

How will you understand your children differently?

How will you help the healing?

“Real healing is dirty, and ugly, and not easy.” Mary Lambert

Remember…

Together, all of us are stronger….

Together, all of us are stronger….than some of us.

Thank you for being part of this!! Just being here shows that you care.