Why Mindfulness? Why Self-compassion? Exploring mindfulness and self-compassion Roxane Raffin Chan, PhD, RN, AHN-BC Why Mindfulness? Why Self-compassion? Christiane Northrup has said that, “We can meet our match with a poodle or with a raging guard dog, but the interesting question is - what happens next?” Mindfulness and self-compassion are spiritual practices that are not tied to any one religious or secular belief system. They are seen as spiritual because they cause us to get more in touch with our true self and allow us to fully experience life on life’s terms. Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion allows us to become more resilient allowing us to access joy more often and to naturally connect with others in kindness. Christiane goes on to say that, “Generally speaking, we regard discomfort in any form as bad news. But for those who seek out these practices feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where to lean in when we’d rather collapse and back away.” Definitions Mindfulness: “The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment to moment” Jon Kabat-Zinn Acceptance: “Active, nonjudgmental embracing of experience in the here and now.” Steven Hayes Empathy: “An accurate understanding of the {another’s} world as seen from the inside. To sense {another person’s} world as if it were your own.” Carl Rogers Loving-Kindness: “The wish that all sentient beings may be happy” Dalai Lama Compassion: “Deep awareness of the suffering of oneself and other living beings coupled with the wish and effort to alleviate it.” Paul Gilbert Self-Compassion: “When we suffer, caring for ourselves as we would care for someone we truly love. Self-compassion includes self-kindness, a sense of common humanity and mindfulness...” Kristin Neff “Compassion is unwavering, unconditional, bold and fearless love” Anonymous

Respond to yourself as you would a good friend. Exploring mindfulness and self-compassion Roxane Raffin Chan, PhD, RN, AHN-BC Self-love is difficult so it is easy to make excuses to not do these exercises. We are very often encouraged and rewarded for putting others first. When we put our own needs first, we can feel selfish or cold to the needs of others. However, as our positive affirmations for this week suggest a peaceful life and an ability to love others starts with developing internal love and peace. There are many ways to instill this in our selves. Practicing compassionate meditation is one way another is to give say positive statements about ourselves, to ourselves. First, you need to find a positive statement that resonates with you. The practice of self-compassion and personal positive affirmations develops our ability to tolerate discomfort because we have an increased ability to identify the positive. Just as turning on the light in a dark room helps you to see that, the scary image is just a pile of clothes on a chair. The skill of positive framing helps you to tolerate thinking about and understanding our fears because we have developed a core of safety and positive appraisal. The bad is not all bad, it is now just some bad sitting on a solid foundation of good. How do we do this? 1) Respond to yourself as you would a good friend. Identify your vow for living Practice affectionate breathing Self-Kindness Common Humanity Mindfulness Responding to myself as a good friend What happens when you stiff upper lip softens? Can you smile gently at yourself and acknowledge your own pain and suffering? There needs not be many words for this, perhaps a gentle nod of awareness. “This is difficult. I am suffering in this moment” “I wish for myself that I be free of suffering” “I allow myself in this moment to be surrounded and filled with love and support” “I breathe ease as I am filled with inner love” Adapted from Kristen Neff (Neff, 2009)

Affectionate Breathing Exploring mindfulness and self-compassion Roxane Raffin Chan, PhD, RN, AHN-BC Affectionate Breathing Please find a posture in which your body is comfortable and will feel supported for the length of the meditation. Taking a few slow easy breaths, releasing any unnecessary tension in your body. If you like, placing a hand over your heart or another soothing place as a reminder that we’re bringing not only awareness, but affectionate awareness to our breathing and to ourselves. Now beginning to notice your breathing in your body, feeling your body breathe in and feeling your body breathe out. Just letting your body breath you. There is nothing you need to do. Now noticing the rhythm of your breathing, flowing in and flowing out. Taking some time to feel the natural rhythm of your breathing Feeling your whole body subtly moving with the breath, like the movement of the sea. Your mind will naturally wander like a curious child or a little puppy. When that happens, just gently returning to the rhythm of your breathing. Allowing your whole body to be gently rocked and caressed – internally caressed – by your breathing. If you like, even giving yourself over to your breathing, letting your breathing be all there is. Becoming the breath. Just breathing. Being breathing. And now, gently releasing the breath, sitting quietly in your own experience, and allowing yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling and to be just as you are. Slowly and gently open your eyes

Exploring mindfulness and self-compassion Roxane Raffin Chan, PhD, RN, AHN-BC