Getting a Date 101

What is happening and why?! Today, we are learning about a new kind of interaction– romantic relationships! Yikes. Ok. This is happening because we teach Social Skills at Spectrum and this is a very important skill! Every adult you know had to learn this– but some learned the hard way! You get to learn the easy way! We have an upcoming dance that might cause people to ask other people out. Let’s prepare!

Defining Terms Crush/Like Like: Warm and fuzzy! Talking: Middle step. Going Out/Dating: (Temporary) Hanging out! Crush/Like Like: You feel warm and fuzzy feelings towards another person. You enjoy their presence and might get “butterflies” in your stomach when they are around. You want to spend more time together. Talking: Both people have expressed a crush/like like for the other. They aren’t “going out,” but are getting to know each other more. Going Out/Dating: Two people agree to get to know each other and spend more time together. This is usually temporary and can change quickly! In High School, this sometimes means actually going out on dates, hanging out at each others’ houses, or just spending time together at school.

Personal Requirements BEFORE You Ask Someone Out! 1. Get permission from your parents! 2. Have good hygiene! 3. Actually know the person! Every family has different standards and rules for dating. These are based on personal experience of the parents, religious beliefs, general worldviews, etc. You should follow these guidelines while you live at home. After you move out, you can establish your own rules and boundaries. Hygiene is always important, but it is especially important if you are asking someone to develop a stronger relationship with you. This usually means less personal space and more time spent together. You need to be in the habit of brushing your teeth, showering, and wearing deodorant every day. These habits should actually be in place WAY before you ask someone out. Good hygiene helps you become more appealing to others. You will have much better luck as a teenager asking someone out if you are already friends or friendly acquaintances. Before you think about asking someone out, establish a friendship with the person.

Worst Ok Best How to Ask Someone Out Make your friend ask for you Ask in public, face-to-face Send a note Text Call Elaborate gesture Ask in private, face-to-face When you decide you want to ask someone out (for general dating or for a specific event, like Snowcoming), there are lots of ways to do it. Some are better than others. Sometimes, our own nervousness means we have to choose an “ok” option. Don’t choose a “worst” option unless you want like a 95% chance of rejection.

What it means What it doesn’t mean You got a “no” I’m not allowed to date yet. I’m only interested in you as a friend. I’m not ready for this step. I’m already dating someone else. I’m the worst. People hate me. I’ll never get a boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m ugly. I need to go hide in a hole You might get a “no” to your question. This rejection can hurt!!! It hurts more if we use irrational thoughts. Be sure to know what rejection does mean and what it doesn’t mean.

You got a “yes!” Sometimes, your person will say “yes!” Here are some things to keep in mind: Have good boundaries This is a temporary situation Follow-through! Have good boundaries: this person still needs to be able to live their life. You are super excited, but don’t “suffocate” them! Make sure they have time with just their friends and family without you being there, calling, texting, etc. You are not the boss of this person. You are a teammate! Temporary: Guys. Your first or second or third relationship in high school probably won’t last. Rather than thinking of this person as your future spouse, try thinking of them as a close friend. This can help protect your heart from heartbreak and will help you make good decisions. In a school like ours, chances are you and your friends will all date the same person at different times. If you can treat your partners as friends, you can maintain good relationships all around! Follow-through: If your person says “yes,” be excited! Don’t forget to follow-through on whatever you decided. If you decide to go on a date, schedule it (and check with parents first!). If you are going to Snowcoming, don’t forget to buy your ticket!

Easy Peasy High School “Dating” GROUPS!!!!!!!!!!!! It is easier and often more fun to hang out in a group of friends with the person you are dating. Parents like this better, too. This offers a higher chance of good relationships with healthy boundaries. This will help you treat the person as a close friend, too! It brings much less pressure to hang out with a small, good group of friends (and your person) than always being alone with the person.

PDA: Public Displays of Affection In Class At a School Dance No physical interactions during class time Stay focused on learning! Holding hands Arms around each other Short hugs Slow dances People who are dating often have more physical contact with each other than with other people. You should find out what your parents’ guidelines are for this. You should know what your person’s guidelines are. Kisses (short on the mouth or cheek) are socially appropriate and accepted PDA… please only reference this if kids ask. The PDA list for a school dance is NOT a suggestion or an encouragement. This is just what is socially acceptable and you won’t get in trouble for this. Please reinforce this idea so that our parents are not unduly upset!

Consent! Consent = permission NEVER touch someone without their consent It’s easy to get confused and misread “signals” from others. It’s best to just ask if something is ok and accept “no” for an answer!

Snowcoming Snowcoming is a semi-formal dance on December 16th that is for high school students. You can ask a friend or someone you like like to be your date to Snowcoming! Most people will “go stag,” or come without a date. Whether you have a date or not, have fun at Snowcoming by hanging out with a group of friends! You don’ t have to dance at Snowcoming! You can eat, sit, and just hang out. We will have a DJ and a photo booth! Please encourage students to attend Snowcoming! They don’t have to have a date and don’t even have to dance! It’s an important high school experience. Students may bring a guest from another school as long as the guest is in high school and they buy a ticket for the guest. Review what semi-formal dress means! If desired, you can tell students about the tradition of flowers or corsages. We will have a Snowcoming court! Please take time now to pass out and collect ballots. Let students look at lists of our high school kids to see how to spell names, get ideas, etc. You can show the Snowcoming video again (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3oC03mezHk) or give students time to take the DJ survey…or both!

Questions? Here are some great people to talk to: Mr. Lance Ms. Angi Your parents Santa