Communicating with Children Ms. Hughes

Learning Targets Sometimes it's quite challenging to get your kids to cooperate. How to get them actually listening? How can you avoid arguing with your children? Quick and positive techniques for effective communication, so your kid's won't want to refuse to do the things you ask them to do.

Getting their Attention Let’s face it; it’s hard to leave any activity you’re absorbed in. Here’s what you can do, to get your children listening: Go where they are – don’t shout from another room Before you speak, get their attention. Get down to your kid's level or bring them up to yours; get eye contact; softly lay one hand on their shoulder... Just experiment a bit and find those ways that your children respond to best. Use a pleasant tone of voice and positive words to describe your request. Stay on the lookout for win- win-situations

Getting Children to Cooperate Nobody likes to be ordered around or criticized too often. And exactly these are the most common reasons for children to refuse to something: Ask but don’t order Be direct Do it together or at least work together for a common goal: The magical word here – “let’s ...” Don’t lecture, instead model behaviour and let you children make their own experiences safely. Be direct: Don’t state what’s wrong, state what you want instead... “The lounge is covered with your toys. Auntie Lisa will come in an hour.” All too often, statements like that are expected to be understood as requests, but the part that would actually be the request is missing: “please pack away your toys”. For example: It’s cold outside and you’d like your children to dress warmly. Just dress warmly yourself and comment why you do that. If she doesn’t feel like putting on something warm too, then just take a change of warm cloth for when she get’s cold and could make that experience herself.

Kids Arguing One common reason for your kids arguing with you is that they feel they’re taken any control over what’s happening. Some strategies to help with that: Avoid the word NO! Prepare for changes – use transitions and rituals Give a (limited) choice Example 1: At the checkouts your child is constantly pointing to all sorts of things. Parents often assume that their kids want to have all those things. But more often than not they just want to share their enjoyment about something they see. So instead of saying “No, you can’t have that!” you could also respond “oh, there’s Winnie the Pooh on that one. You like him a lot, don’t you? Who are his friends again?” For situations like that please also remember that children are much more contend when they’re not hungry. Tell your children ahead of time that something is going to happen. Like: ”It’s time for soccer training. We’ll leave in 5 minutes. Please finish what you’re doing.“ Let your children take a part of their loved activity with them. For example, when they were playing with the legos, let them take that dragon they just made or that truck out of their collection.

I-Messages Used for the purpose of expressing the parent's feelings regarding the child's behavior. This is the main objective of the strategy, not to blame the child for the feelings the parent is having regarding a particular action or lack of action of the child. 3 Parts: the feelings of the sender the unacceptable behavior of the recipient the tangible effect of the recipient's behavior on the sender "Kelly, I have a problem I would like to discuss with you". "When I went into the kitchen and saw the peanut butter and jelly jars with the lids off, and the bread and milk not put away, I felt frustrated because I knew that I would have to either clean up the clutter myself or ask you to do it".

Tips Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk Start the conversation; it lets your kids know you care about what's happening in their lives. Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child, and avoid scheduling other activities during that time. Learn about your children's interests When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen. Let them complete their point before you respond. Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.

Tips Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive. Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to disagree. Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think." Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems and work through difficult feelings. Talk to your children — don't lecture, criticize, threaten or say hurtful things. Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk and they may share the rest of the story.