Boundaries and Personal Space

Review: Boundaries What are boundaries? Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him or herself what are reasonable and safe ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.

Physical Boundaries Physical: Physical Boundaries are often defined in our culture as "personal space" or the distance we feel comfortable allowing others to occupy as we communicate with them. The more we trust others the closer we allow them to physically approach us. For example, best friends tend to sit close, share almost anything while classmates sit further away and share less property.

Social Boundaries Social Boundaries: Social Boundaries are defined by the roles, norms and customs that suggest certain appropriate types of behavior. Bad table manners (like chewing with your mouth open), bad conversational etiquette (like deliberately changing the subject to something random and unrelated during a conversation), and not giving up your seat to weaker individuals while riding in public transportation.

Emotional Boundaries Emotional: Emotional Boundaries determine how much and what personal information people share within a relationship. The closer the relationship, the more personal information we share. For example, best friends tell each other everything, while classmates may only talk about school matters

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Why Are Boundaries Important? Establishing physical, social and emotional boundaries help us to judge the acceptable and unacceptable in all our social interactions. Without boundaries, our lives and relationships would be chaotic. Establishing healthy boundaries allows people to feel secure and in control of their personal safety.

Boundary Violations What are Boundary Violations? Sometimes in the course of our lives other people cross our established boundaries. Often times, the boundary violation may be accidental, other times the intention may be hurtful. Boundary violations may range from dirty looks, gestures and comments to assault

Protect Your Boundaries Each of us is in control of setting and defending our own boundaries. Being aware of our own value system and how to respond is key to protecting ourselves.

Communication is Key Communication: Be aware of how both verbal and physical language effects others. Know and practice "I" messages. Do not hesitate to tell others "No" and "Stop"!

DISCUSS WITH YOUR PEER: Think of a time when you felt that your personal space was invaded or that you felt a boundary was crossed. Discuss that event with your peer, and talk about how it made you feel. Tell your peer how you handled the situation, and what you could have handled the situation differently.

Scenarios With your peer, come up with a situation in where a physical, social, or emotional boundary was crossed. Come up with a positive approach on how to handle the situation, using “I” messages and phrases about how you are feeling. PRACTICE SETTING A BOUNDARY: 1.Name or describe the behavior that is not acceptable to you. 2. Express what you need or expect from the other person. 3.Know for yourself what action you will take if the person does not respect your boundaries.