Marriage: Building a Strong Foundation Chapter 11

Marriage Today… 54% of individuals over age of 15 are married 27% have never married 18% are divorced, separated or widowed Delaying marriage until older U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2004

The Case for Marriage Healthier lifestyle Longer life More satisfying sexual relationship Children do better Waite & Gallagher, 2000; Waite, 1998

Marital Trends Marriage rate declining Increase number of people who divorce not remarrying Number of cohabitating couples rising

Formula for Successful Marriage Independent and secure partners Love self as well as partner Enjoy alone time Establish self in career/work first Partners know themselves Assertive communication patterns Law of enlightened self interest

Positive Reasons for Marriage Companionship Love and intimacy Developing self and partner Sexual satisfaction Parenthood

Negative Reasons for Marriage Premarital pregnancy Rebellion or escape from parents Desire for independence Replace lost love or relationship Family or social pressure Economic security

Parent’s Marital Status and Couple’s Premarital Satisfaction Stewart & Olson, 1995

Marriage Preparation Rising interest in preparing for marriage Premarital programs: Often clergy lead Limited depth 1-2 sessions common Workshop, retreat, or small group common formats

Premarital Programs Effective programs: Utilize a premarital inventory Focus on communication and problem solving skills Occur in small group format with other couples Begin 12 months prior to marriage—lasting 6-8 weeks

Predicting Marital Success Gottman & Silver (1999) Examined communication patterns and conflict resolution among couples Ratio of criticisms versus positive comments predicted success Olson & Colleagues Questionnaire format with PREPARE or ENRICH Predict divorce with 80% to 85% accuracy

Premarital Couples Who Become Happy Married Couples As Premarital Couples they: Were Realistic Had Good Communication Skills Had Good Conflict Resolution Skills Enjoyed Personality of Partner Shared Religious and Ethical values Had Equalitarian Role Relationships Balanced Couple and Individual interests Olson & Olson, 2000

Getting Started…The Difficult Early Years Newlywed years often most difficult because: Transition from: Individual to couple Family of origin to couple Idealism Undesirable traits of partner “revealed” in the midst of daily life

Marital Difficulties and Necessary Adjustments in Early Years Family of Origin issues Independence Function as Couple Financial Sexual Social Network Recommendations Acknowledge and Handle Hostility Tolerate Imperfections and Differences Separate from Family of Origin Be Committed Be Realistic Arond & Pauker, 1987

Five Types of Marriage Vitalized Harmonious Traditional Conflicted Devitalized Olson & Olson, 2000; Allen & Olson, 2001

Five Types of Married Couples Olson & Olson, 2000

Marital Success of Premarital Types Four Premarital Types Very Happily Married Less Happily Married Separated or Divorced Total Couples Vitalized 60% 23% 17% 100% Harmonious 46 29 25 100 Traditional 34 50 16 Conflicted 30 54 Fowers, Montel & Olson, 1996

“Marriage Work” Marriages require work Couple time can get lost in midst of family time: Limit family outside activities Schedule couple time and activities View marriage as an investment for self and family