Understanding Family Rules The goal of today’s session is to understand why families have rules, and to understand that not all families have the same rules. In addition, we are also going to discuss different rules that are important for parents to have for their teens. Finally, we are going to try and understand why our parents have the different rules that they do. Families must set up rules that are effective within their family. Therefore, not all families will have the same rules. Each family may have a different issue to solve, so they must have different rules. Each family has different parents that have different concerns, which can lead to different rules. What’s important to remember is that most parents are trying to teach you, protect you, are concerned about your well-being, and love you.

Rules: What Are They? In general, what are rules? A guide for appropriate behaviors. Rules can be found in the family, at school, at work, and in society. In general, why are rules important? To keep people safe They explain how things should be conducted They teach us responsibility. Refer back to the responsibility session. Add any additional information as necessary.

Rules In The Family Rules for younger children Rules for younger teens Rules for older teens Rules in the family: Do your chores, don’t argue with your siblings, turn off the lights when leaving a room Rules for younger children: Earlier bedtimes, go to the bathroom before sleeping, try a new vegetable Rules for younger teens: No dating, phone conversations are limited to 30 minutes, curfew Rules for older teens: Fill the car up with gas after using it, call home if you’re going to be late, can only work 3 school nights or less. Facilitator: The point here is to understand that at different ages, the rules will be different. This is also the case in different families. Add in additional information or ask the participants for examples.

Different Families Have Different Rules Families are diverse in their rule making. Depending on the needs of the family and the children within the family, rules will change accordingly. Diverse families have different rules. Families are diverse (for example, one parent vs. two parent vs. grandparent) and create different rules for their family. Families of different race/ethnicities may have different rules based on cultural values and traditions. For example: One family may create the rule, when your grades are all A’s and B’s, you can use the car. This rule may be created in a home where the teen has difficulty keeping his/her grades up and using the car is an incentive to do well in school. However, in a family where the teen already has high grades, they would most likely not create that rule. They instead may state you must fill the car up with gas every time you use it. For example: In a one parent family, the older sibling may have more supervisory expectations than in a two parent family (for example, the oldest sibling has to stay with the younger siblings until the parent comes home from work). However, even within particular ethnic and racial groups, there is a lot of variability. Review different rules that may be found in an African American family vs. a Caucasian vs. Hispanic etc. Ask the participants for examples.

Different Families Have Different Rules Cont. Why might families be different in this respect? Rules are based on the needs of the family and the responsibility level of the children/teens. Review responsibility as needed. For example, If the 16-year-old daughter is more responsible than a 17-year-old daughter in another family; the 16 year old may have more lenient rules.

Disagreeing With A Rule What can you do if you disagree with a rule? Discuss calmly and appropriately with your parents. Remember to listen to their point of view. Try to work out a compromise. Accept the rule, if it is not changed. Facilitator: If goal 3 has been taught, review effective communication skills. If the goal has not been taught, discuss what is means to have effective communication. Include speaking calmly, listening, and not arguing. However, your parents may have very good reasons for their rules and may not change some of the rules. You may just have to accept some rules. If you don’t accept the rule, you are more likely to disobey the rule and you and your parents are more likely to get into conflicts.

It is now time to engage in the Activities

Wrap-Up What was the importance of today’s session? Families have rules to protect their children and are based on the needs of the family. Family rules may change as the children get older or may be dependant on the responsibility level of the child/teen. Different families have different rules. What have you learned today and how can this be applied in your own home? Have the participants explain what they have learned and how it can be applied at home. Provide handouts. Explain how to use them at home and when to take a look at them. Pass out and discuss the out of session activities, if applicable. Remember to discuss the activity during the next session.