HD 4 Notes The Hurried Child by David Elkind

The Hurried Child “We hurry our children because we hurry ourselves.” “Young children (2-8) tend to perceive hurrying as a rejection.” “We can cut back on our demands and/or increase our supports.” “Being polite to children helps them to perceive hurrying in a less stressful way.”

Childhood Childhood is the most basic human right of children.

The Status of Our Children In the 1950s, our children were healthier, more protected, and better educated than at any other time in history. Infant mortality increased and more children are living in poverty. Obesity rates in children and teens have skyrocketed. Children are more unfit than ever before. Stress diseases in children have increased. Parental pressure for achievement is partially to blame. Our teenage pregnancy rates are the highest for any Western society. Suicide and homicide rates for teens have tripled over the past 20 years. Millions of children are being medicated at home and school.

The Hurried Child The concept of child competence, which drove much of the hurrying of childhood in the previous decades, is very much alive today. Some microsystems add pressure to hurry and grow up fast.

The Superkid The New Concept Of The Child:

The Superkid A social invention to alleviate parental anxiety and guilt. Child competence reduces guilt and anxiety in parents. Child competence provides money for American businesses. Stress diseases have increased. Parental pressure for achievement is partially to blame. Peer-group parent pressure is a problem.

Parenting Styles Democratic: listen to the child, give reasons, and make a judgment based on the child. Authoritarian: Will not entertain the young person’s arguments for a particular freedom. Permissive: Persuaded by the child and may grant freedom with demanding responsibility in return. Sometimes, especially during puberty, parents panic and switch their parenting style from democratic to authoritarian.

Where Did Childhood Go? The concept of childhood is threatened with extinction in our society. Rousseau warned us about this years ago. We know more about childhood than ever before but the existence of childhood is most threatened at this time. We are not hurrying children out of ignorance.

Working Moms Many mothers experience role conflict. Bragging rights may become an issue as children are pushed to become mini achievers. The child is too often treated as a partner as the majority of mothers of school-age children work. Working women are less likely to have extended family networks to depend on.

Divorce Children believe that they are responsible for parental separation or divorce. We need to be careful NOT to project our fears and concerns on children causing additional stress.

Divorce Children are often asked to make inappropriate decisions. Stress results from choosing and the anticipation of consequences. The child is often placed in the therapist role. The child is often put in the role of moral arbiter. Children are often confronted early with the fear of abandonment.

Children and Divorce Children often have to adjust to parental schedules. The stress of transition and readaptation can be too much on a child. Older children must learn at a young age to fend for themselves. Demands and expectations can get out of hand. Children should NOT be told everything.

Therapy is often a good idea but at least one parent should go with the child and the treatment should be for both of them. The emotional problems of children often reflect emotional problems within the family. We have made life more difficult for children and teens by removing limits and boundaries of age- appropriate thoughts and action. David Elkind Thinks…

What does Elkind think we should do? Most professionals agree that children below the age of 8 should not be left alone on a regular basis. Simple preparation can help to reduce the stress of the latchkey experience. Divorcing parents often talk with their children about their fears and anxieties. We need to reassure them that both parents still love them, they will not be deserted, and will continue to be looked after.

Stress and The Single Mom Needing to support children financially and emotionally, without having support, is perhaps the most severe stress encountered by a female in our society.