COOPERATIVE PARENTING Building a Bridge Dr. Jeanne Brooks

THREE STYLES OF POST DIVORCE PARENTING  Conflicted  Disengaged  Cooperative

WHAT RESEARCH SAYS  Research indicates high conflict can lead to PTSD type symptoms in children  Research indicates on going conflict can affect child’s development.  Research indicates cooperative parenting renders positive change in how the parents interact.  Research indicates children adjust best when parents are cooperative with each other

CONFLICTED PARENTS (STAHL, 2012)  Ongoing hostility  Different parental approaches  Strong opinions of the other parent  Openly expressed concerns about the adequacy of the other parent  Use of the court to solve child custody issues  Ongoing opinion as to the other’s lifestyle  Personality factors of one or both parents factoring in the conflict

PARENTING COORDINATION VS. COOPERATIVE PARENTING  Parenting Coordinator – polices the parents interaction with each other, visitations, and activities.  Parenting Coordinator – helps the Court address custody related issues  Cooperative Parenting – teaches parents how to parent together  Cooperative Parenting - builds bridges

GOALS OF COOPERATIVE PARENTING COUNSELING Tearing down the walls and building a bridge

DISENGAGED PARENTING; DISARMING THE PARENTS (STAHL, 2012)  Parents have little or no contact with each other  “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all” approach  Avoiding contact helps avoid conflict  First step from conflict to reduce more damage and offer an ability to heal Stahl, P. M., Cooperative Parenting and Parallel Parenting. (September, 2012).

PARALLEL PARENTING (STAHL, 2012  Parents begin parenting the child/ren while no longer engaging in attacks to the other parent  Both parents are actively involved in the children’s activities, school, appointments  Little to no contact with the other parent but active parenting activities apart from the other parent Stahl, P. M., Cooperative Parenting and Parallel Parenting. (September, 2012)

BUILDING A FOUNDATION  Counselor helps parents begin to find a common ground, love for their children  Counselor help parents find a place of agreement, wanting what is best for their children  Counselor helps parents find common areas of agreement to goals for child/ren  Counselor helps parents find common ideas of how to assist child to reaching these goals

BUILDING A BRIDGE  Counselor establishes fair fighting rules  Counselor acts as a mediator  Counselor teaches listening skills  Counselor teaches communication skills  Counselor helps identify triggers  Counselor teaches healthy conflict resolution  Counselor always reminds them of home base  Counselor educates the importance of forgiveness

BUILDING A BRIDGE CON’T  Counselor educates on best interest  Counselor gets feedback from the child/ren  Counselor helps communicate child/erns needs  Counselor reminds them of home base  Counselor encourages, supports, epathises  Counselor stays neutral yet focused on best interest