Twitter: #pshe2014 Healthy relationships – focusing on abuse and exploitation in young people’s relationships The role of PSHE

Ground rules Because of the sensitivity of this workshop if anyone feels distressed for any reason whatsoever please feel free to simply leave. (There is a Samaritan drop in if anyone feels the need for support or just to talk) Whatever people say here - stays here.

Focusing activity Taken from ‘Expect Respect’ – Material for key stages 1-4. Free and downloadable – see notes for address.

So – what is the problem? - The big picture The next slides draw from a sample of 1353 young people between 13 and % reporting some form of intimate relationship Partner exploitation and violence in teenage intimate relationships - Barter, McCarry, Berridge and Evans - September 2009

Physical partner violence 25 per cent of girls and 18 per cent of boys reported some form of physical partner violence. 11 per cent of girls and 4 per cent of boys reported severe physical violence. 76 per cent of girls and 14 per cent of boys stated that the physical violence had negatively impacted on their wellbeing. Girls were more likely to say that the physical violence was repeated and also that it either remained at the same level or worsened.

Emotional partner violence Nearly 72% of girls and 50% of boys reported some form of emotional partner violence. 33% of girls and 6% of boys stated that this had negatively affected their wellbeing. Most commonly reported, irrespective of gender, were “being made fun of” and “constantly being checked up on by partner”. More direct or overt forms of emotional abuse were reported more frequently by girls than boys.

Sexual partner violence 31% of girls and 16% of boys reported some form of sexual partner violence. 70% of girls and 13% of boys stated that this had negatively impacted on their welfare. The majority were single incidents - for a minority of young people, sexual violence was a more regular feature of their relationships. NSPCC and Sugar magazine (average readers - 15 year old girls) found that 16% of those surveyed had been hit by a boyfriend, 6% forced to have sex - 40% of them accepted this behaviour.

Wider associated factors Girls more likely than boys to say that the partner violence was experienced repeatedly and also that it either remained at the same level of severity or worsened. Family and peer violence increases vulnerability to all forms of partner violence. Having an older partner, especially a “much older” partner, is a significant risk factor for girls. (75% of girls with a “much older” partner experienced physical violence, 80% emotional violence and 75% sexual violence.) Having a same-sex partner was also associated with increased incidence rates for all forms of partner violence. (95% stated that violence against partner was unacceptable and yet when given justifications, this figure dramatically decreased. For instance, 27% thought that it was ok for a boy to expect sex if a girl had been flirting with him. Ending Violence Against Women Report 2006)

Impact of violence Girls experience all three forms of partner violence more frequently and more severely than boys and report a highly detrimental impact on their welfare – boys report little if any negative impact other than making them annoyed. Little evidence that boys felt unwilling to report or recognise any vulnerability to partner violence Boys tended to view their violence as ‘messing around’. They saw violence as mutual but often used disproportionate force. I only went out with him for a week. And then...’cos I didn’t want to do what he wanted to (have sexual intercourse) he just started...picking on me and hitting me

Self-blame For girls ‘self blame’ is prominent especially in relation to sexual coercion. Girls reported that the sense of having ‘given in’ affected them as much as the act itself.

Coercive control Girls are most often affected including; – Where they can go – Whom they could see and when – What they could do – Constant surveillance through online technology – Control often resulted in isolation from peers – Many are unsure if this is concern or coercive control and fear their partners reaction to any challenge Like when I’d be out with my friends and he’d drag me off and say he didn’t want me out any longer and I’d got to go in and it could be like half past six.

Post-relationship violence Many girls who experienced violence remained in the relationship, often for some considerable time. When girls left this sometimes resulted in an escalation of the violence from their ex- partner.

How might this ‘progress’? 29% of women and 16 % of men had experienced any domestic abuse since the age of 16 equivalent to an estimated 4.8 million female victims of domestic abuse and 2.6 million male victims (Sample years of age) 20% of women had experienced sexual assault (including attempts) and 19% had experienced stalking since the age of 16 Most vulnerable group – women aged 16 to 24 (Home Office Statistical Bulletin - Homicides, Firearm Offences and Intimate Violence 2009/ b0111.pdf)

Support Many people who experience domestic violence show no signs of it in their behaviour away from the abusive relationship. They can appear happy, confident and to be living fulfilling lives. The majority of young people interviewed by Bristol told a friend about their experience or no one – virtually none spoke to adults. Many peers provided a valuable source of support but some held inappropriate views about the acceptability of violence. 59% of young people did not know how to advise their friends if they were worried about their relationship being abusive. (End Violence Against Women poll 2006) Everybody does it [control], I thought he was weird and then I talked to my friends and all their boyfriends are the same.

So… where do we start? In any ‘moment’ or ‘situation’ we can ask what does this person need to – Know and understand? – Feel in themselves and recognise and appreciate feelings in others? – Be able to say – language? – Be able to do – skills and strategies – Recognise rights and responsibilities We can then ask what learning would need to underpin this?

So… where do we start?- part 1 Young people experiencing (or witnessing) abuse need… – to know what is happening to them is abusive – as we have established not all young people will. – to know that it is wrong – not just ‘the way life is’ for them – to know they have a right for it to stop (or a responsibility to protect someone else’s right) – to know it can be stopped – to believe it can be stopped – this is not the same! – the skills, language and strategies to make it stop or if not then how to get help (for themselves or others).

So… where do we start?- part 2 If they go to someone to get help they need to believe – they will be listened to, valued, that this person will help them, that they can help them and that the abuse will stop - and not, as many young people fear, get ten times worse! – the majority of their peers also believe abuse is wrong, it should be stopped and that they will be supportive.

Going back to moments.. Mundane – ‘I hear there is a party tonight...’ Critical – ‘Fancy coming to the party with me tonight?’ Crunch – ‘Fancy coming up the bedroom with me?’ These give us a route into almost any sensitive issue – it isn’t simply knowing about an issue – it is being able to ‘manage the moment’

Three techniques If we have a ‘critical moment’ We can play with distance – moving in and out depending on sensitivity 2.We can play with a ‘time line’ – explore what is happening now, what might happen next, what might be a better ‘future’, what led up to this moment, what could have changed this moment? 3.We can play with ‘levels’ – exploring behaviour, language, feelings, expectations?

How might we use these clips? How do you feel about these? How might we use these as a route in? What issues could we raise? What would we need to consider before we used them?

Not with a single lesson or module! A single lesson or module can raise awareness A single lesson or module can signpost support A single lesson or module can offer a few strategies Only a planned, developmental programme of relationships education in a healthy school environment modeling respect backed up with pastoral support can begin to put all this in place.

The PSHE Association has released guidance on teaching about consent Please to request your

References Partner exploitation and violence in teenage intimate relationships Christine Barter, Melanie McCarry, David Berridge and Kathy Evans October Violence Against Women and Girls Communications Insight Pack - Home Office 16 June 2014 Expect Respect Tool Kit – Women’s Aid nTitle=Education+Toolkit