Sex, Love and You (Making the Right Decision) 1 Chap. 1 Isn’t Everybody Doing it? myth: Fact: Factors which affect decisions wrt sex: -- high achievers --religion --environment sexual VALUES are key – GOOD values Good friends AVOID drinking/drugs

2 If you are WAITING…are you alone?? It is also possible to make a NEW COMMITMENT to CHASTITY sometimes called: secondary virginity or emotional virginity It is not possible to regain virginity, but one can regain their chastity

3 Chap. 2 Why are some people my age choosing to be sexually intimate? What are some of the possible reasons?

4 Sexual Attraction: --is natural -- sexual intercourse is essential to the survival of the human race -- sexual desire DOES NOT COMPEL anyone to have sex -- hormones are NOT DESTINY we have a God-given FREE WILL and we are capable of controlling even the strongest desires The sex drive is NOT like food and water…no one has ever died from not having sex

5 Societal and Media Pressure: “Popular Opinion”: advertising popular songs TV Movies The message seems to be: sex is center of the universe you need sex to be happy sex is an essential part of romantic relationship What we take in, stays in our mind, our unconscious mind, if not in our conscious awareness. The constant bombardment of sexual messages and stimuli can WEAKEN OUR DEFENSES and make us more susceptible to Sexual temptation.

6 Peer pressure: the need to belong, feel accepted, these feelings MAY make it difficult to resist peer pressure. Hopefully our friends would not pressure us into doing something that is morally wrong. Pressure from a Partner: If someone really loves you for who you are, they won’t ask you to engage in sex. Drinking and drugs: not healthy to begin with. Dangerous both affect our behaviors and can affect us physically No Good Reason to Say NO??: Our faith in God, our religion, and our moral beliefs and convictions should give us reasons to say no.

Summary: Love vs. Infatuation 7 Puberty normally brings you an increased interest in and attraction to members of the other sex. Crushes-or infatuations- are normal experiences you may have as you learn to relate to others. When infatuation is mistaken for love, problems can develop, poor decisions can be made, and people can get emotionally hurt. Knowing the differences between love and infatuation, and applying that knowledge to life experiences, can help people avoid a lot of hurt and heartache.

8 Chap. 3 Can Something That Feels Right Be Wrong? Law of Diminishing Returns: The more you do something the less satisfying it is. Read the Example on page 28 of text.

9 Note: in this example, FEELINGS are in the driver’s seat. NOT moral judgment NOT respect for self or the other person NOT foresight & concern for long-range consequences CERTAINLY NOT LOVE Feelings CANNOT TELL YOU RIGHT FROM WRONG, they only tell you how something feels. Important decisions should be made with your MIND, not your feelings.

10 We all have a deep desire for intimacy. We want to really know someone and be known by them. It takes a long time to get to really know someone and there are Some KEY QUESTIONS TO ASK. What are some of these questions?

Some key questions to ask: 11 How do they react to different situations? What makes them feel angry or sad? “ “ “ “ good about themselves? How do they think? What are their opinions? How do they make decisions? What is their concept of God? Do they even think there is a God” What are their values? What are their goals? What do they believe to be their purpose in life? Answers to the above questions lead to intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy.

12 problem with pursuing sexual intimacy: law of diminishing returns – thrill wears off sexual intimacy BY ITSELF does not produce the deeper intimacy we long for Sex outside marriage is not the way to: intimacy knowing someone else and being known by them