1 LISTENING IN INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Stage of Listening Styles of Effective Listening Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

2 “Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking” Bernard Baruch Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

3 Listening begins with receiving the messages the speaker sends. The message are both verbal and nonverbal: words, gestures, facial expressions, and variation in volume and rate. STAGES OF LISTENING Stage One: Receiving 1.Focus your attention on the speaker’s verbal and nonverbal messages, on what is said and what is not said. 2.Avoid distractions in the environment. 3.Focus your attention on the speaker rather than on what you’ll say next. 4.Maintain your role as listener and avoid interrupting. Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

4 You learn what the speaker means—at which you grasp the thoughts and emotional tone expressed. Stage Two: Understanding 1.Avoid assuming you understand what the speaker is going to say before he/she actually say it. 2.Relate the new information the speaker is giving to what you already know. 3.See the speaker’s messages from the speaker’s point of view; avoid judging the message until you fully understand it as the speaker intended it. Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si. 4.Ask questions for clarification. 5.Rephrase (paraphrase) the speaker’s idea’s in your own words.

5 For effective listening to take place, we need to remember the messages. What we remember is actually not what we said but what we reproductive. Stage Three: Remembering 1.Identify the central ideas and the major support advanced. 2.Summarize the message in a more easily retained form, but take care not to ignore crucial details or qualification. 3.Repeat names and key concepts to yourself. Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

6 Evaluating consist of judging the messages. Stage Four: Evaluating 1.Resist evaluation until you fully understand the speaker’s point of view. 2.Assume that the speaker is a person of goodwill, and give the speaker the benefit of any doubt by asking for clarification on positions to which you feel you might object. 3.Distinguish facts from inferences, opinions, and personal interpretation by the speaker. 4.Identify any biases, self-interests, or prejudices that may lead the speaker to slant unfairly what is presented. Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

7 Responding occurs in two phases: responses we make after the speaker has stopped talking. These responses include such as “I see,” “Yes,” “uh-huh,” and similar signals that let the speaker know you’re listening. Responses made after the speaker has stopped talking are generally more elaborate and might include expressing empathy (“I know how you must feel”). Asking for clarification (“Do you mean that this new health plan is to replace the old one?”) Challenging (“I think your evidence is weak here”) Agreeing (“You’re absolutely right on this, I’ll support your proposal”). Stage Five: Responding Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

8 STYLES OF EFFECTIVE LISTENING The art of effective listening is largely one of making appropriate choices along the following four dimensions: 1) empathic versus objective listening, 2) nonjudgmental versus critical listening, 3) surface versus depth listening, and 4) active versus inactive listening. 1.Empathic versus Objective Listening Some degree of empathy (Rogers, 1970, 1981): to empathy with others is to feel with them, to see the world as they see it, to feel what they feel. Punctuate from the speaker’s point of view. Engage in equal, two-way conversation. Seek to understand both thoughts and feelings. Avoid “offensive listening”. Strive to be objective when listening friends and foes alike. Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

9 2. Nonjudgmental versus Critical Listening Effective listening include both nonjudgmental and critical responses. Judgmentally  with an open mind with a view toward understanding. Critically  with a view toward making some kind of evaluation or judgment. Keep an open mind. Avoid prejudging. Delay your judgments until you fully understand the intention and the content the speaker is communicating. Avoid both positive and negative evaluation until you have a reasonably complete understanding. Avoid filtering out or oversimplifying complex messages, and avoid filtering out undesirable messages, too. Recognize your own biases. Be sure to listen critically to the entire message when you need to make evaluations and judgments. Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

10 Recognize some of the popular fallacious forms of reasoning, such as “name-calling.” Testimonial involves using the image associated with some person to gain your approval or your rejection. Bandwagon is a technique that tries to persuade you to accept or reject an idea. Agenda-setting involves claiming that a particular issue is crucial and all others are unimportant and insignificant. Attack involves accusing another person (usually an opponent) of some serious wrongdoing so that the issue under discussion never gets examined. Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

11 3. Surface versus Depth Listening To appreciate the meanings you need to engage in depth listening. Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages. Listen for both content and relational messages. Make special note of statements that refer back to the speaker. At the same time, don’t disregard the literal meaning of interpersonal messages in trying to uncover the hidden meaning. Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.

12 4. Active versus Inactive Listening Active listening serves several important functions: 1.It helps you as a listener check your understanding of what the speaker said, and what its meant. 2.You let the speaker know that you acknowledge and accept his/her feelings. 3.Stimulate the speaker to explore feelings and thoughts. Paraphrase the speaker meaning. Starting in your own words what you think the speaker means and feels. Express understanding of the speaker’s feeling. Ask questions. Interpersonal Communication, Session 06 prepared by Z. Hidayat, MM, M.Si.