Mary McClure, EdD, LPC Class 3

Many internal relationships.. Subsystems, coalitions and groupings Power, roles, responsibilities and privileges Different traits and temperaments Many external relationships and influencers Culture, neighborhood, organizational norms Work and finances Extended family and friends Change in one part of a system impacts the entire system

What are characteristics of a perfect family?

Marital relationship Parenting style Unwritten ‘rules’ / boundaries Communication Organization / monitoring Problem solving Moral and ethical standards Open vs. closed family system All impact context for adolescent development

Characteristics: Short focus unless preferred activity, distractibility Low emotional regulation Low organization – high impulsivity High need for stimulation – low boredom tolerance Strong genetic indication What is impact on family relationships likely to be?

Caregiver attachment style connected to… Quality of peer relationships… Emotional regulation…

Typical ‘rivalry’ or Emphasis given special needs Trait differences ‘parentification’ Birth order differences ‘only’ Oldest Middle youngest

Parenting practices influence.. communication skills, academic achievement, personal relationships, community involvement, use of addictive substances, family relationships how do parents influenced each of these areas.. Positively… negatively?

Divorce Blended families Same-sex parent families Adoption Foster care Teens often are hugely impacted…yet often little voice… little sense of mattering

External and physical system changes Marital relationship Parenting style & priority Unwritten ‘rules’ impact Communication Organization / monitoring Problem solving Moral and ethical standards Open vs. closed family system Are all voices heard??

Paint a picture …What usually happens here? What is usually missing?

Adoption Foster care Same-sex couple families Add cultural biases to already stressful situations

Teens often carry a heavier weight than we might imagine…How might teachers enhance adolescent coping skills… Positive psychology? Communications? Decision making / problem solving? Emotional regulation? Resilience?

Baby your child—no pressure, no expectations; the alternatives are reasonable expectations that include schedules, behavior guidelines Put your marriage last - the alternative is to design a family schedule for time as a couple and spouse’s priorities. Push your child into too many activities—sacrifice family and personal time by scheduling too many structured group activities Ignore your emotional or spiritual life—inability to connect with something beyond ourselves Be your child’s best friend—no guts for management; alternatively, be the parent and accept that your child will get angry with you Fail to give your child structure—no guidelines, no rules; the alternative is to provide external structure and actively help the child learn self-control strategies. Expect your child to fulfill your dreams (Friel, 1999)

Show your love – connect Minimize conformance pressure – allow for self- expression Encourage cyber-safety Set reasonable limits – expectations Not ultimatums, expectations Be clear, in writing perhaps Provide reasoning, be flexible Enforce consequences – without drama Don’t scold, ‘downtalk’ or embarrass Use restrictions or added work