Sutta Vibhanga Course Lesson Five: Happy Married Life Conducted by Ven. K. Rathanasara Organized by

Happy Married Life 2

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4 “Be careful and discreet; it is much easier to get married than unmarried. If you have the Right mate, it’s Heavenly; but if not, you live in a twenty four hour daily Hell that clings constantly to you.” [Title: Of Suchness] John J. Robinson writes…

5 If one is unable to secure one’s equal or superior as a companion to live with, one should firmly resolve to live a solitary life, since there should be no association with the unwise.

Buddha says that… Four Types of Marriage:- 1.A Wretch lives together with a Wretch 2.A Wretch lives together with a Goddess 3.A God lives together with Wretch 4.A God lives together with a Goddess Refer to Course Notes 6

Here, the Husband is one who… 1.destroys life 2.takes what is not given 3.engages in sexual misconduct 4.speaks falsely 5.indulges in wines, liquors and intoxicants 6.is immoral and of bad character 7.is obsessed by stinginess 8.abuses and reviles religious people 7 How does a Wretch live together with a Wretch? …his wife is exactly the SAME in all respect.

8 Husband is of evil, immoral, unwholesome character. Husband is of evil, immoral, unwholesome character. His wife is one who… 1.observes Five Precepts 2.is virtuous of Good character 3.dwells with a heart free from stinginess 4.does not abuse or revile religious people How does a Wretch live together with a Goddess?

9 Husband is virtuous but wife is immoral. Husband is virtuous but wife is immoral. How does a God live together with a Wretch?

10 Both husband and wife are… 1.virtuous 2.compassion 3.generous 4.uphold righteous principles in life …this is a divine couple in human form. How does a God live together with a Goddess?

11 1.Morality – Five Precepts 2.Developing a Sublime state of Mind to each other – Love, Compassion, Appreciative Joy and Equanimity 3.Understanding, patience, tolerance, forgivingness, gentleness and dedication …are some of very important virtues that Buddhism encourages for a Happy Married Life. What is the Buddha’s advice for Happy Married Life?

12 In Sigālovāda Sutta... Duties of Husband towards Wife… 1.By honoring her 2.By not disparaging her 3.By not being unfaithful to her 4.By giving authority to her 5.By providing her with adornments

13 In Sigālovāda Sutta... Duties of Wife towards Husband… 1.By properly organizing her work 2.By being kind to the servants 3.By not being unfaithful 4.By protecting stores 5.By being skilful and diligent in all she has to do

14 Buddha says “If householders, both wife and husband wish to be in one another’s sight so long as this life lasts and in the future life as well, they should have the…. 1.same Faith [sama saddhā] 2.same Moral Discipline [sama sīla] 3.same Generosity [sama cāga] 4.same Wisdom [sama paññā] Can Marriage go beyond the death?

15 Advice from a Father to a Daughter The millionaire Dhanañjaya advised Visākhā; 1.Don’t carry outside the indoor fire 2.Don’t take inside the outdoor fire 3.Give only to those who give 4.Don’t give to those who do not give 5.Give both to those who give and do not give 6.Sit happily 7.Eat happily 8.Sleep happily 9.Tend the fire 10.Honor the household divinities [Buddha & His Teachings, pg. 177]

16 On a Marriage Life… 1.There must be NO thought of either husband or wife being superior. Each is complimentary to the other. Marriage is a partnership of equalitygentlenessgenerositydedication

17 2.Buddhist NEVER demand that the other party should be converted to a Buddhist faith before a marriage can be solemnized.

3.Some believe that marriage is recorded in the heaven and it is not right to grant a divorce. Buddhist maintains that if a couple cannot live together; instead of leading a miserable life harbouring JealousyAngerHatred They should be given the liberty to separate and live peacefully. 18

19 4.Can a Buddhist keep more than one wife? The direct answer is not available in the Buddha’s teachings. Buddha did not lay down any religious laws with regard to married life, although he has given valuable advice on how to lead a respectable married life.

20 5.Some religions are not in favor of family planning. They say it is against the God’s will. Buddhism does NOT interfere in this personal choice. Man is at the liberty to adopt any contraceptive method. Only after a conception, abortion is NOT acceptable in Buddhism as it means taking away a life in the form of a foetus.

21 6.Some people are interested in the moral implication or religious attitude towards test-tube babies. There is NO ground in Buddhism to say that is either immoral or irreligious.

7.According to Buddhism, those who are involved in extra-marital affair with someone who is… already married betrothed to someone under the protection of parents or guardians …is said to be guilty of sexual misconduct. [Happy Married Life - Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda] 22

23 1.The Four Types of Married couples. 2.Lead a Happy Married Life by Keeping Five Precepts Cultivating Four Sublime qualities Developing Right Understanding 3.Husband and wife should perform their Duties and fulfill their Responsibilities towards each other to have a Pleasant, Peaceful and Meaningful family relationship.

24 4.If both Husband and Wife cultivate FaithMoralityGenerosityWisdom that will be conducive for a Happy Married Life here and now as well as to be reunited after death.

25 5.If someone cannot find a suitable person to lead a noble family life, it is alright to live a single decent life rather than living a miserable life.

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27 Let’s Share the Dhamma By Asking Questions