Friday, October 5 Revising Paragraphs Writing Process Map

Diagnostic Questions for Revising Paragraphs 1. To what extent do the paragraph's sentences reflect unity, or "oneness" in topic, message, and purpose (goal)? 2. How effective is the topic sentence (if the paragraph needs one)? 3. How effective is the coherence, or the flow in meaning and logic from sentence to sentence? 4. How effective is the pattern of idea development? 5. To what extent is the structure of successive sentences coordinated when it should be coordinated? 6. To what extent does the structure of successive sentences vary when it should vary? 7. How effectively are successive paragraphs designed (that is, how do they look on the page)? 8. How successively are ideas in paragraphs developed with appropriate support, examples, reasoning, and so on? (This question overlaps with diagnosing content.)

How effective is the coherence (that is, the flow in meaning and logic from sentence to sentence)? Common Causes of Gaps and Breaks in Coherence: 1. Drastic shifts in the topic, message, or goal across consecutive sentences 2. Ineffectively ordered ideas 3. Missing inferences 4. Ideas that fail to meet readers’ expectations 5. Lack of parallel structure (when parallel structure is warranted) 6. Lack of necessary transitions and "meaning links" 7. The whole thing just doesn't flow!

Paragraph Sample #1: Evaluate the coherence (1) The significant increase in lean body mass on the carbohydrate-restricted diet was not expected. (2) Infusions of beta-hydroxybutyrate (the major ketone in the circulation) have been shown to reduce protein breakdown during starvation. (3) Young et al. (1971) compared three isocaloric (1800 kcal per day), isoprotein (115 grams) diets differing in carbohydrate content (30, 60, and 104 grams) consumed for nine weeks in obese men. (4) The diet with the lowest amount of carbohydrate (30 grams per day) was associated with increased ketones, greater fat loss, and greater nitrogen retention and preservation of lean tissue compared to the diets with more carbohydrate. (5) The overall effect of elevated ketones on nitrogen retention must be considered in the context of other stimulatory (e.g., growth hormone, testosterone, insulin) and inhibitory (e.g., cortisol, catecholamines) hormones that regulate protein balance. (6) We hypothesize that elevated beta-hydroxybutyrate concentrations may have played a minor role in preventing catabolism of lean tissue on the carbohydrate-restricted diet but other anabolic hormones were likely involved (e.g., growth hormone).

Paragraph Sample #2: Good Coherence (1) It has been estimated that the average daily fat intake for men in the United Kingdom is 108 g. (2) However, experimental studies and data collected from free- living persons indicate that people can consume much more than 130 g of fat in a single meal and nearly 200 g in a full day. (3) It appears to be relatively easy to consume large amounts of fat. (4) Because people do not consciously plan to eat as much fat as possible, we have called this passive consumption. (5) The mechanisms that cause this passive overconsumption include the high energy density of fat, the very high palatability of high-fat foods, culturally approved high-fat food habits, aggressive marketing by segments of the food industry, and human preferences for foods with a fatty texture and the flavors associated with fat. (6) These facilitatory factors overwhelm the first line of inhibitory processes, namely, the preabsorptive fat-induced physiologic satiety signals. (7) The primary effect of high-fat foods on the short-term positive energy balance occurs during consumption while the food is in contact with the orosensory receptors. (8) This means that the processes controlling satiation are too weak or too slow to prevent the intake of a huge amount of energy.