1. BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

2. Definition… “Self-esteem is the judgment or opinion we hold about ourselves. It’s the extent to which we perceive ourselves to be worthwhile and capable human beings.” “Self-esteem is the picture we have of ourselves.”

3. Self-esteem…  Is learned. No one is born with high and healthy self-esteem.  Comes from thoughts, feelings and experiences we have had and continue to have throughout life.  Can be affected by daily circumstances, other people, and most importantly ourselves.  Can be changed and changed at any age.

4. Low self-esteem is a result of a discrepancy between the importance of an area and one’s perception of competence in that area. Some common signs of low self-esteem:  Exaggerated bragging  Resorting to numerous attention-getting behaviors such as clowning, acting overly silly, teasing, complaining, exhibiting both verbal and physical aggression  Being self-critical  Easily influenced by peers

5. Take a minute…

6. The positive experience that you remembered most likely can be described by one or more of the following feelings:  You felt secure, safe, and trusting of your environment.  You felt special or unique. You felt worthwhile.  You felt important and appreciated by someone whose opinion you valued.  You had a goal or purpose. You were successful in achieving what you wanted.  You felt that you made a difference. You felt capable.

7. The positive experience that you had probably satisfied a basic emotional need. It helped reinforce a belief in your own value as a person. Each of those feelings just mentioned represents one of the five building blocks that comprise high self-esteem.

8. The five feelings that nurture high self-esteem are: 1.A sense of security. This is a feeling of trust or safety.  Most critical feeling of self-esteem since all other feelings generally build from this first component.  Means knowing what is expected, being able to depend on others, and comprehending rules & limits.  They feel emotionally and physically safe.

9. Two easy ideas to enhance the feeling of security:  “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on door  Birthday Letters

10. Second building block of self-esteem: 2. A sense of Selfhood. This is having a strong sense of self-knowledge.  Know who they really are  Know their interests, their attitudes, their strengths  Acts as a powerful buffer to stress and trauma

11. Ways to enhance your child’s feeling of self-hood:  Me Collage  Me Mobile

12. The third feeling of self-esteem: 3. A sense of Affiliation. Having a sense of belonging or connectedness.  Feel approved of, respected, and appreciated by others  Feel recognized and connected  Family unit is the greatest source of belonging for children

13. Two ways to enhance your child’s feeling of affiliation:  Feature One Member of the Family  Create a Family Tree

14. The fourth building block of self-esteem: 4. A sense of Mission. It is a feeling of purpose, direction, and responsibility.  Know they have choices and alternatives  Are goal setters and usually reach their goals because those that they set are realistic and achievable  Acknowledge their efforts inside their heads instead of waiting for others to pat them on the back

15. Ways to enhance your child’s sense of mission:  Let children know mistakes are OK  Share mistakes  Role-play handling failure

16. The final building block of self-esteem is: 5. A sense of Competence. It is having a feeling of being capable and successful in things regarded as important or valuable.  We need to help them recognize their unique strengths and competencies  It is important for them to have a feeling of power and control over their lives

17. Ideas to enhance a feeling of competence in your child:  Accomplishment journal  Strength collages  Develop strengths

19. 7 Steps For Developing Your Child’s Self-Esteem: See handout

20. Communicating with children: When you actively listen to your children, you help them feel valued. This makes them more willing to communicate with you. Active listening is an acquired skill. These techniques can help you master it:  Speak encouragingly: “Tell me more…” “Can you describe that…”  Ask for clarification: “Help me understand what you meant…”  Restate points: “Tell me if I heard you right…”

21.  Share reflections: “It seems like you are feeling…”  Summarize: “If I understand you correctly, you said…”  Validate: “You have every right to feel…”  Show interests: “Wow, that must have been…”  Use body language: Make good eye contact. Lean toward them.  Empathize: Try to understand their feelings and thoughts.

23. REFERENCES Dr. Michele Borba, Home Esteem Builders, Jamar Press, 1994. Jim Ewing & Karen Liptak, Smart Parenting, The Positive Line, 2002. SiriNam S. Khalsa, Group Exercises for Enhancing Social Skills & Self-Esteem, Professional Resource Press, 1996. The New Yorker Collection from Cartoonbank.com

24. THIS POWER POINT PRESENTATION WAS MADE POSSIBLE WITH HELP FROM: Jay Shirey Nicholas Shirey Cindy Kaldenbach