2. Foster Cline fostercline@gmail.com Idaho School Counselor Association THE MAGIC of LOVE AND LOGIC Oct 2, 2015

3. ParentingTechniques Genetics First year of life Prenatal history

4. Birth 3 Years old Adolescent Adult 1 Year 1/2 of Life’s knowledge 500 trillion connections 1000 trillion connections 500 trillion Basic Trust Causal Thinking Ability to Plan Ahead Conscience Formation The ABSOLUTE essentials of childhood development

5. Want Appropriate “no” Response to Authority Protest vs. Compliance Issue: Temper tantrum & Placement The Second Year Cycle

6. Basic German Shepherd Autonomy and Independence How to take “no” for an answer The Second Year Essentials

7. Temper Tantrums - “how you treat others” “Don’t touch” - Do you do what other’s ask. The Second Year Leaning Expectations

8. I’ll get it for you…. Please let me help you Let’s both get it I’ll help YOU get it Why do you want it? Why didn’t you get it before? Why me? Rescue vs. Problem Solving

9. “So sorry you forgot your homework?” “Gee, what a bummer, now what will you do?” “If anyone can handle tough times, it’s you…… you give yourself so much practice!” Child of great wisdom, I know you can figure it all out!” Listens, wonders about things and gives empathy CONSULTANT OPERATIONS

10. Major Magic Choices Empathy not sympathy Questions not orders and lectures Enforceable Statements Consequences not Punishment Encouragement not praise Problem solving not rescue “Sad for not mad at”

11. What were you feeling? What was the choice you made? What are your thoughts now? Would you like to hear how other people have handled it? What do you think you will do next time? How do you think that will work out for you? Good luck! Pure questions – not WS without accusation Concern but not worry “If anyone can handle it, you can Steps to Responsibility

12. Nancy’s Stepfather (46)

13. “Can you tell me your strategy for helping……………” The Key Question

14. 1)Your actions cannot cause problems for others 2)Solve your problems 3)Treat me with the respect I give you. 4)If not, I will do something. 5)If you feel it’s not fair, my door is open at……….

15. We rub off on the clients - Cabbie Only “crazy person” can be the environment at once. Johnson & Cat House Avoid Control battles “Somebody has to be there to fry the fries” We rub off on our Clients

16. How do Children Control? Hook into an argument and create diversion. Argue with adults to avoid experiencing the consequences for their behavior. Escape learning from their choices One way of regaining control to help children learn: A neutralizing responses preceding a question Child’s unconscious motivation:

17. I’m going to teach him a lesson That’s one option…and what’s our rule for hitting people?” I’m not going to talk to him ‘cause he hates me. Maybe so…and do you think you can handle this or would you like my help?” General misbehavior You seem pretty upset, and if this behavior continues do you think you’ll go out to play? Yes or no?” Goal: Defuse the situation Anger vs. Empathy Genuine compassion and understanding in our non-verbal communication, as well as in our voice.. Empathy…..Question…….Validation