1. C ELL C ITY U.S.A. Nic Casenelli and Pat McCaffrey 7/8 Gabric

2. Cytosol Falls New this spring at Cell City USA: Cytosol Falls, the Midwest’s most thrilling ride to date. Travel through Complete darkness at speeds of over 45 miles per hour. And, just when you think it’s over, you plunge straight into the liquid that makes up the cytoskeleton as your boat dodges the organelles suspended in it! Cytosol Falls: Remember another pair of shoes.

3. Endoplasmic Railroad Tired of going to theme parks that make you walk all over the place? Well, look no further, because Cell City U.S.A has a railroad that has stops a quarter of a mile from all attractions… bar none. You see, our logic is that you come here to have fun, not to walk from one place to another; you don’t need to, much less want to. We have two trains running in opposite directions, so that you can get to your destination in less than ten minutes. So, just walk to the nearest stop, and hop on the train headed in the direction you’re headed.

4. The Cafeplasts Do you think that you could buy lunch at Disney for less than eight dollars a person? I seriously doubt it. Now, ask the same about Cell City U.S.A.,and I’ll give you this answer: It’s hard to get a lunch for more than that price! We have Cafeplasts all around the park, all selling good food at low prices. Try a Synthesis burger, fries and a ribose shake, all for $4.99. Try getting a cheeseburger meal at Busch Gardens for that much… fries and shake not included.

5. The “Nucleus” of Cell City All of us down at the Nucleus have many jobs to do. We are the ones that make sure that the friendly folks down at the Cafeplasts are serving the food that you need in 15 seconds or less. It’s also up to us to make new and better changes to the park and the people in it. For example, Cytosol Falls was drafted by the Attractions DNA, while the Security DNA voted to hire the Plasma Team this summer. Basically, the Nucleus is the headquarters of Cell City, and it’s where all of the plans to make your experience better are stored.

6. Security at Cell City U.S.A. Universal Studios has a chain link fence surrounding their park. Here at Cell City U.S.A., our wall is so spectacular that we decided to give it a name: the Cell City U.S.A Cell Wall. Made of only the finest and strongest cellulose, the Cell Wall is 15 feet high. It even has white blood cells at the top, to provide extra protection!* *The above mentioned white blood cells are actually drywall shapes concealing barbed wire on the reverse side. Starting this summer, the world renowned Plasma Membrane Team will be further reinforcing our Cell Wall. This elite force of security guard will be stationed around the Cell Wall, and two will be put at each entrance, to ensure that none of the bad customers stay in, and if by chance one does, the members of the team will promptly throw them out.

7. Customer Service Our goal is to make sure you have fun while providing an easy experience. That’s why lockers in the Vacuole are 100% free, and you’ll always find a locker available… guaranteed, or we’ll pay you the price of a locker anywhere else. And, don’t get worried about losing your way around Cell City U.S.A. Just talk to our friends at the Golgi Stand. They’ll not only give you a map; they’ll tell you exactly where to go, and they’ll even answer all of your questions. In each section of the park, there is a Golgi Stand, with an employee available at all times.

8. Flagella Cilia Trucking Company We at Cell City USA are so dedicated to bringing you the best attractions that we’ve created our own trucking company. The folks at Flagella Cilia Trucking Co. ensure that all of our seasonal attractions make it to the park in time for the holidays, the summer, whatever time of year! This November, be sure to catch our F.C.T.C. Family Dedication Day! Flagella Cilia Trucking Co. “All For You!”

9. The Mighty Mitochondria You may think that we have too many attractions to provide energy to you. I say that here at Cell City U.S.A, nothing is too much for us to handle. Head a little east to Jugular River. You’ll find the Mighty Mitochondria Dam, also called Old Mito. Named after our founder, Lord Francis Mitochondria III, Old Mito is a hydroelectric dam that provides all of our energy for us. You won’t be getting stuck on a ride anytime soon!!